Divergent Future

Chapter 12

Tobias's POV

I turn over and turn off my alarm as soon as it rings. I slept for maybe 2 or 3 hours, woke up, and couldn't go back to sleep. Because I couldn't go back to sleep, I thought.

About everything.

And now, I'm ready to throw my brain away and hide in a corner.

I drag myself out of my bed and into the bathroom. There's no point in moping in bed for a couple of more hours. Might as well get my day started.

I take a 30 minute shower, trying to clear my cloudy brain with the scalding water. It doesn't really work. I wash up and pick out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to put on. I quickly dry my hair and move on to the kitchen.

Since I haven't eaten since that McDonald's yesterday, I am starving. I fix a bunch of bacon and scrambled eggs and load it on my plate. I pour myself a glass of orange juice and take it to the living room.

I sit down on the couch, turn the tv onto Criminal Minds and start eating my breakfast. Criminal Minds is probably my favorite tv show. Probably because Niall and Harry are absolutely obsessed with it. I had to watch it against my will for awhile, so I learned to love it.

It's not bad. Just too much crime tv makes you paranoid. Well, at least it makes me paranoid. And that's the last thing I need.

I finish eating my breakfast while watching the show, and after I'm done, I go back into my room.

I grab my guitar, notebook, and sheet music. I guess I'm just going to work on some songs that won't go on my album since I don't have any plans.

After around 30-45 minutes, I have a rough draft of an entire song. It's a song about my many emotions. My newly founded panic attack is a key part of it.

I've written a lot of songs lately, and pretty much all of them aren't going to ever be released to the public. They're just a little too personal. I technically finished the songs for my album 3 days ago. I just haven't gone into the studio to record them yet. To be honest, I haven't told Amar that I've finished the songs yet. He thinks I'm still working on it.

It's just I've been in such a funk lately that I don't really want to do anything with music besides write it and sing it for myself. I don't have the energy to go record my last 3 songs. Once I'm done recording those, we have to pull together the album. Once that's done, I have to do an interview, announcing the album and my break. I don't know if I can do an interview any time soon.

I know I have to though. Amar is actually still in California, but he's supposed to be back in a few days. And I know he's going to call me asking for the songs as soon as he gets in Chicago. So I need to prepare myself for it. For the recording. For the interview. It's apart of my career afterall.

It's a weird mood I've been in lately. One that I don't fully understand. For years, I've been what you could call "depressed" about the Tris and my baby situation. But during those years, I was able to build my career, expand it, and thrive in it. I was able to write, record, do interviews, perform at concerts, go on a U.S. tour.

But for some reason, it's different now that I'm here with Tris and Toby. I'm again what you could probably call depressed, but now I don't want to do record or perform or do interviews. That's how bad this funk has gotten a hold of me.

I hate it.

But you know what?

I'm going to stop moping in my bedroom. Writing sad songs. Like a depressed teenager. I'm not even a teenager anymore. I'm going to make the best of this day.