ĐɆVłⱠ ₮Ø₩₦ (devil town) • frerard

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i promise i haven't abandoned this story yet!

saturday rolls around sooner than frank could have anticipated, and he fucking hates it. he spent the entire week in cycles. from 'i need to clean the house so hayley and lindsey don't worry about me' to 'i shouldn't clean the house because i really need help and they might finally find some for me' to 'i can't clean the house because i'm so drained but i don't want lindsey and hayley to worry because i don't need help' and back to the beginning. he would never ask for help because he doesn't need help, he's fine. he's overreacting if anything even if it wasn't until friday when he finally got up, got dressed, took a shower and cleaned the bathroom, went downstairs, chugged at least a liter of coffee and then spent the rest of the day cleaning the entire house. at the end, three full trash bags piled up by his bin and everything seemed just about spotless. and by saturday, only a small mess had accumulated.

gerard stopped calling and leaving messages after day three, ending with, "i'll stop texting but i'm really worried about you. please talk to me at some point when you feel up to it. even if it's just another one night stand." frank ignored that too, even though he'd be lying if he said he hated the bruises around his neck. he isn't sure why. maybe it's because it's the mark that gerard was there, that someone had violated his body and beat him up enough that he didn't have to do it himself. the scars on his skin are old and worn down and he considered renewing them but he knows that lindsey or hayley would find out somehow and it doesn't give him the same rush as gerard did. gerard is probably his favorite method of self-harm even if he doesn't want to fuck him again and even if he still feels sort of betrayed by him.

saturday comes, and even though frank slept in until two, he still manages to make himself presentable in the hour he has. he showers in the dark, dries off and dresses in the dark, because he can't stand to look at the bruises. they remind him too much of gerard and he doesn't have the emotional stability to think about gerard because if he thinks about gerard then he wants gerard and he's not supposed to want gerard. gerard has a sub already and frank knows that it's fine, they've probably been around much longer than frank when he met frank, but it still doesn't make it okay. frank still feels like he's a second choice even though logically he should be okay with it, but he isn't. he just tells himself it's fine even though he catches himself thinking late at night why didn't gerard say anything else after three days? does he not care? was it too much? is he with patrick instead? did he forget? does he not care? and he hates those thoughts so he tells himself that he doesn't care about gerard and he never did.

he clears his thoughts of the man when three finally rolls around and lindsey and hayley show up at 3:15, hayley sporting a bright orange ponytail and light colors and lindsey with her darker, grungier look. frank plasters a smile as he watches their car park and they come to the house in a flurry of, "i missed you!" and "how have you been?" and "it's been so long." frank must admit, seeing lindsey and hayley around brightens up his mood and he doesn't have the fake the smile as much as he thought he would.

"what's up? how have you been?" hayley asks as soon as the small talk of the arrival dies down and the conversation begins. frank has to consider that question for longer than he thought he would, but he knows his approach to them right now. he's fine.

"i've been great," frank replies, trying his best to sound genuine, "how about you?"

"we're good, really good," lindsey says, smiling up at hayley, fondly, "new york has been great. the people can be... rude, but i love our place. and we've been talking with an adoption agency."

hayley gives a grin larger than frank thinks he's ever seen on her, "we have news, really good news."

"oh?"