Colors | Chara x Papyrus

Chapter Eleven: Black Stricken

❤︎ Chara's List of Emotions ❤︎
Red: Anger
Blue: Sadness
Light Blue: Loneliness
Yellow: Happiness
Green: Envy
Blue-Gray: Guilt
Aqua: Self-Consciousness
Pink: Love

• • •

Chara likes to think that she's come a long way.
She learned to give, to care, to be remorseful, to see the cruelty of her past actions and even discovered ways to mend them. Chara has located the ability to feel once more, to experience all sorts of emotions and finally understand what makes her shake or smile or even cry.
This was all thanks to Papyrus, who helped her grow as a person, a real person. And now, she's striving to become someone she can actually be proud of.
So what is this tremor in her heart?

After discovering envy, after Papyrus had demonstrated the different forms of affection, Chara had assumed she'd grown sick.
Her guts clenched and unclenched. Her hands sook in naive blindness, but when they found Frisk, nothing was eased. This wasn't a normal illness, Chara found out, but was unable to locate the cure because she had no idea what this could be.
Papyrus popped up in her mind often, even finding his way to her dreams. She thought of the way he easily accepted her, of how he relieved her loneliness, dismissed her guilt, and helped suppress her anger. All of those memories brought a kind smile to her lips, but when she reimagines him planting that kiss on her forehead, the smile drops and she's filled with something she can't describe. Her stomach twists up again and her heart pounds so violently that she fears she'll throw it up.
Admitting these feelings to Papyrus is also something Chara found herself unable to do. From rehearsing the conversation to storming up to him and attempting to pry the words from her lips, Chara found herself helpless against her own body. Why? She cannot say.
     She's gone over every important emotion Papyrus has taught her, but none match up to this. It was like all of them were added together, but pink was the abundance.
     Love shouldn't have anything to do with anger or sadness, because Papyrus has only brought her joy. So yes, she loves Papyrus, she appreciates him because he has a good soul. Just as she loves Frisk and Toriel and Asgore. They're her friends and family, so to love them is obligatory anyways.
At first, of course, Chara assumed she didn't love Frisk, because no oddly sweet feeling took over her stomach or mind, but she realized that she had perceived love incorrectly.
     Her sudden desires to hold Papyrus' hand, to hug him, to be beside him, is just a product of this. It's no different than her seldom desires to be near Frisk, so what's this loneliness and pain swarming her heart and mind whenever he's not around? It's not like she needs him every second of every day, he'll always be here if she needs him, so why is she acting like any moment he'll fade away? And maybe, the only way he'll stay is if she latches onto him and never lets go, but that's just stupid.

      "Chara, are you doing okay?" Chara remains still, allowing the rest of her thoughts to pass before slowly facing Frisk.
     "Of course I'm okay. I've been here all week, nothing could've happened," she says, mainly to herself, but it felt empty. "Why do you ask?"
      "Well, your face is red, so I was wondering if.." Frisk rests a hand on her forehead, Chara nearly flinching because any touch relatively close to that area of her skin forces her to reminisce.
     "It's not a fever, are you..?" Her hand trails down to Chara's cheek, and Chara catches a sly smile flicker across Frisk's face. "Are you blushing?"
     Chara frowns. "Bluh-shing? If you mean my cheeks that's natural. I thought you knew that." Frisk only giggles in response, removing her hand only to lean closer.
     "No, Chara. Blushing is when your face heats up." Chara's eyes widen responsively. She's dealt with this meddling heat for months, never knowing what it was. If someone was to get too close, if Papyrus did something nice, or if Frisk was to suddenly hug her.
"That's a weird word." Chara glances away. Frisk isn't Papyrus, but maybe she can get something out of this. The angel has always been insightful. "So, why do people normally blush?" Frisk's grin is still wide, putting Chara off.
"It's normally the result of embarrassment or nervousness. It can also come from anger or shame, but in this case.." Her eyes are devious. Chara shouldn't worry, but cunning isn't a usual trait for Frisk. "Who were you thinking about?"
Chara tries to understand, but nothing Frisk says seems to make any sense. How does blushing relate to her thoughts? Didn't she just say nervousness and shame? Those feelings normally come from Chara's actions, her mind just sets them in stone.
"I was thinking about.. uhm.." The question has an easy answer, there's no problem to admit that her mind had been lingering on Papyrus. Sure she trailed to Frisk, briefly Asgore and Toriel, but Papyrus has always been dominant in her head. "Nobody, don't worry about it." Frisk doesn't seem disappointed, instead she glances at the hallway leading to Sans and Papyrus' rooms before looking back to Chara.
"If you say so," Frisk hums, a finger sliding down the pages of the book she had been holding, searching for her previous spot.
"Why do you and Sans act so friendly with each other?" It's awfully similar to her goat parents, who are married, so it's obvious why they're so affectionate all the time. To be bound together with the sole purpose of caring for the other, it seems natural for them to act so disgustingly sweet, but Frisk and Sans aren't married. After the other day, Chara assumes being envious of Toriel and Asgore seemed more probable, but after being around them, that's just not the case.
     "Friendly? That's an interesting way to put it, but I guess it should've been obvious that you don't understand much when it comes to this." Chara pretends she didn't take offense to that.
"To make it simple, it's because we love each other." Chara's brows curl almost instantly.
     "Isn't that for friends and family?" Frisk laughs harder now, pulling Chara into a weird and unnecessary hug.
     "Oh Chara, there are multiple types of love, you know."
What Chara knows is that there's affection and love. They're related, but not the same thing. It's true that love has to do with this "blushing" thing, but so does happiness. She assumed that love was a strong bond tying family and friends together, and if you happen to be met with the pestering warmth that hugs your cheeks, then you're just happy they're with you.
Papyrus is her friend, every little thing he does makes her blush, and at the same time every little thing he does is in attempt to make her happy.
"Did I get it wrong, then?" Chara whispers, meant for herself, but Frisk seemed to hear it anyways.
"Not exactly, you're supposed to love your friends and family, of course, but you can also love as I love Sans."
"That doesn't make sense."
Frisk offers an apologetic smile. "I'm not the best teacher, sorry. What I mean is, you can love someone in the sense that you always want to be with them. You'll want to hold them, and kiss them, and never leave them."
Chara's stomach churns uncomfortably, and the beat of her heart is like a countdown. For what, she's unsure.
"So when you were blushing and I asked who you were thinking about, I assumed you were developing feelings for someone."
"Developing.. feelings?"
"Having a crush, falling in love, whatever." Chara needs Frisk to stop talking, she has no reason why, but she can feel herself gradually breaking down. It's as if everything in her body understands what she's saying, but her brain just can't comprehend.
"When you develop feelings for someone, you normally blush at even the idea of them. Everything they do becomes sensitive to you, so it's hard to prevent yourself from blushing, but the heart wants what it wants, right?"
As the words leave Frisk's mouth Chara jumps from her seat. She needs to go, somewhere, anywhere, she just can't sit still with the thoughts in her head. She needs adrenaline and movement and—
Chara hits something, stumbling, but she's steadied by her shoulders.
"CAREFUL CHARA, WE WOULDN'T WANT YOU GETTING HURT! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TASTE MY NOW PERFECTED HONEY IF WE HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL! THEN AGAIN I COULD ALWAYS BRING IT TO YOU, BUT THE LAST TIME I DID THAT FOR UNDYNE I WAS KICKED OUT! CAN YOU BELIVE THAT? I—"
Chara looked up at him in unwanted awe. Not a moment later, she felt her cheeks burning up. It was hot, like a fever, but instead of searing the entirety of her skin, it was fixated on her cheeks.
As Papyrus continued to ramble, a shaky hand rose to gently touch her face. Upon feeling the heat, her eyes widened. Something deep within her ached for his touch, his embrace. More so than normal, more so than an average friend, and that, that made her heart pound with something else, something cold. Because she felt it, that sweet feeling, that love consuming her mind, cheeks, and stomach.
If Chara wasn't going to vomit her own heart before, she definitely would now.
"—THE NURSE TOLD ME THAT THE HOSPITAL WASN'T A LABORATORY, AND I WAS TO REFRAIN FROM BRINGING ANYTHING TOXIC INTO A PATIENT'S ROOM! TOXIC?! THE GREAT— CHARA WHY ARE YOU SHAKING?"
Chara could hardly process the shouted sentences, because all she could manage was a slow shake of her head. How had this even happened? It wasn't supposed to— she wasn't supposed to— how? All Chara wanted to do was scream, but even if she had decided to, her voice was caught in her throat.
Instead, she removes herself from Papyrus secure hold a bit too frantically. He looks at her questioningly, analyzing, already searching for a way to make her smile again. Chara doesn't give him the chance. She turns and runs to her room, rushing away from a perplexed Papyrus and past an unaware Frisk.
Upon slamming the door shut, Chara rushes to her mirror. She grips the white frame aggressively. Tears are streaming down her rose-tinted cheeks rapidly. She sees the deepening color hidden behind the streaks in horror. Chara doubles over, sinking to the ground, clutching her stomach.
     Chara could feel it invading her being, something worse than blue. It was taking her down into a painful abyss, similar to the feeling she experienced after Frisk acted so hostile towards her when she awoke. The sensation came in dark waves, shutting out any relief. She was repeatedly forced under, choking, gasping, water rushing in. But, in each wall of terror hid that cursed feeling, a small light swimming alongside the blackness. Despite Frisk's explanation, Chara knew this emotion was far more dangerous than she could've known. It was so expressive in her, the lightning in the dark storm revealing Papyrus' smile. To touch that light, to accept that emotion, would be worse than drowning in the cold. So Chara chose to be pulled under.

• • •

     It's easy, to keep her door shut, to respond to knocks with a weary, drained voice. It's easy to revert back, to hear the sound of dishes gliding against the wooden floor and into her room. This time, however, she replies with a weak "thank you" in place of impolite silence.
     Chara's aware of how her body stiffens whenever she hears Papyrus' obnoxious voice echo in the halls outside. Every single time she shuts her eyes and burrows underneath the covers, childishly attempting to escape.
     Most days he'll ask her if she's feeling better, occasionally tell her of his day in form of a dramatic story that would often have her rolling her eyes. Chara smiles at the end of every tale, and if she ever notices the subtle shift in expression redecorating her face, a wave of cold washes over her as her heart thumps with unnatural vigor.

     "GET BETTER SOON CHARA!" He says one day. "YOU WON'T BELIEVE ALL THE FUN I'VE PLANNED FOR US WHEN YOU EMERGE IN ADEQUATE HEALTH!" He's quiet for a moment. "DESPITE MY PLETHORA OF ADORING FRIENDS... I MISS MY FAVORITE HUMAN." Chara listens intently to the sound of his fading footsteps. The moment she's sure of his absence she breaks down.
     It's a fit of tears and heat and that singular emotion she dreads to feel. She loves him. She loves him and it's terrifying.

• • •
Author's Note

What? It's been two weeks? Are you sure? No.. no you must be mistaken because I'm hella attentive when it comes to schedules and updates.
(Biggest lie I've ever told)

SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!
IT'S SUMMER AND I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME BUT I DECIDED TO SLEEP EVERYDAY UNTIL 3PM AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES INSTEAD OF UPDATING

Two chapters left till the end btw, so I hope none of you have abandoned me yet...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND I'LL SEE YOU SOON.. MAYBE BUT NO PROMISES BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BREAK IT
XOXOXOXOXOX