Colors | Chara x Papyrus

Chapter Twelve: Run from your Feelings

❤︎ Chara's List of Emotions ❤︎
Red: Anger
Blue: Sadness
Light Blue: Loneliness
Yellow: Happiness
Green: Envy
Blue-Gray: Guilt
Aqua: Self-Consciousness
Pink: Love
Black: Fear

• • •

She didn't speak to him.
She didn't look at him.
She didn't even acknowledge him.
     But she thought of him everyday.

     She thought of how all of his physical attributes were unappealing, yet she yearned. How his SOUL must be a rainbow instead of completely white because the way he makes her feel has no other description. How she'd been experiencing this emotion for months and hardly noticed. And of course about how much redder her face is likely going to get.
     She wanted to hide it from the world, to seal it away in a box of shame and confusion. But feelings cannot be manhandled, only eased or suppressed or ignored—the worst option, really.

     It was only a matter of time before Frisk caught on. Nobody is sick for over a month after all.
     Chara will admit it was tiring, maintaining the delirious facade, but to face Papyrus again seemed far worse.
     Eventually Frisk dragged her out, she didn't scold or reprimand, there was something, similar to the slyness but with hints of understanding. She rambled giddily of heat and ice pops, of salted water and sandals. Chara ignored most of it, too shaken by fear from the idea of hearing Papyrus' annoying voice and the possibility of being less than twenty feet from him.

- - -

    Chara now glances at herself through the window in the back of the car. Though she has permanently pink cheeks, red is much different, it was like a stain, calmness the remover—something she didn't have.
     Had Frisk gone through this with Sans? She couldn't imagine it. Frisk was always so collected and hardly broke out in tears or erupted in anger. She forgave and forgot and smiled until her cheeks burned. She was honest and trusting and unafraid even when she was. She likely confessed one day, while the sun was setting and his eyes were only on her. He probably accepted without thinking of timelines or resets, and kissed her under the orange sky.
     When Chara swaps the scenario, when she places Papyrus and herself there instead, she melts. He calls her beautiful, he strokes her hair and compares her eyes to spaghetti sauce, he pecks her softly and tells her he loves her.
     She says it back. Chara says it back.
     She says: "I love you too," sure and determined and everything swells. In delight instead of fear. Under the sun rather than the moon so her vision isn't distorted.
     Chara comes back to reality, not panting as if she clawed her way out of a nightmare, just.. still. Part of her wants to go back and relish in the dream, another, more powerful side, treats it as a nightmare she already knows it isn't. Chara closes her eyes and desires the sting of fresh tears, because it's distracting.

     "CHARA? IS EVERYTHING OKAY? YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING VERY MUCH... ACTUALLY NOT AT ALL!"
     She keeps her eyes glued to her reflection. Chara doesn't want to ignore him, it feels wrong, but she also can't bring herself to speak. Anything she might say would probably come out a jumbled mess of stuttered words, creating more confusion and more questions that would stress her out until she cracked. A crack eventually splits all the way through.

     Multiple strands of hair are non-consensually tucked behind her right ear. She makes the ridiculous mistake of flinching and looking to the side only to see Papyrus, who is staring right at her from the spot she'd internally begged he wouldn't take as they piled into the car.
     His hand still lingers behind her ear, and slowly begins trailing to her cheek. Chara didn't think the heat would get worse but it did, it erupted. She can't see it, but she knows her face is inflamed, and she knows Papyrus can see it too.
     In fact, he seems a little taken aback. Chara is very pale, always has been. To be this red must look unnatural. Does that make her feelings obvious?
     Nope, no.
     One thought and it's already too much.
  "SORRY, I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOUR FACE,"
     Definitely too much.
     Chara wants to cry, but that would only makes things worse. Frisk would get involved and then Sans would get involved and they'd probably know instantly what was going on. They both pay too much attention, and the idea of Sans' reaction fills her with panic.
     Chara moves away from his hand, impossibly closer to the window, shying away like a little girl and pulling the hood of her sweater over her head. Light pink, a color she subconsciously picked because she's probably secretly a masochist. Papyrus knows that she knows what the color means, and she tends to wear her emotions to give him better understanding. She'd been wrapped around his finger for ages and never noticed. It's hilarious that she once called Frisk simple minded and naive.
     Speaking of Frisk, it was her idea to take this torturous family trip. After dragging Chara out of her room and going on and on, words upon words with an excited smile that Chara had tuned out with the complexity of her thoughts. She let Frisk's voice in for a moment and heard beach and trip and everyone and it'll be so much fun!
     All Chara could imagine was awkwardly sitting on hot sand with her hoodie on over her swimsuit because the flush spreads down her neck and tans her shoulders. She can see Frisk and Sans splashing in the cold ocean water, and because Papyrus is the way he is, he'd bug her to join them. Which also implies that he'd be talking to her and looking at her and existing next to her. And that was a giant no.