4 years later and i'm doing okay.
it was definitely hard to move on from a first love. there were a ton of things i needed to realize and a lot of wounds that took time to heal. those wounds that are caused by the toxicity of our relationship and the pain from our break up.
during the process of moving on, there would be some nights when i just couldn't stop crying. that type of cry when you can't talk and it's hard to breath. yeah..that one. those nights, i would bury my face in my pillow, feeling so alone, letting my sadness take over me, thinking of him.
rain.. rain makes me feel sad and happy at the same time. just like how i felt when i was with him. he was a great guy and he still is. but i guess we just weren't patient enough with each other. but isn't that what love is? being patient with one another and being able to sacrifice for the happiness of the both of us?
it's either we ran out of love for each other, thought we were inlove, or maybe.. we just fell inlove with the thought of being inlove. it's a bit confusing.. i know.. and it took me a lot of time to understand it as well. maybe i didn't love him as much as i thought i did. maybe i just loved the feeling of loving him. maybe i just didn't understand the true meaning of love at that time. and maybe he also thought he loved me that way. and i think it was just a brotherly love. i was young and was new to everything. but that's okay. that's what a "first love" is for. it's for you to learn from your mistakes and do better on your next relationship.
but even after moving on, i will never forget about our memories in the
rain.
the end..
