always and forever

⎡ 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕩 ⎦

     "How about that one?" Nick pressed. I frowned; this process was getting tedious. Following his line of sight, I let my eyes wander over a boy with striking red hair that had been pulled back in a bun. 

    "No, he's not my type," I tried to sound as dismissive as I could - anything to hint to Nick that man hunting with him was the least enjoyable activity that I wanted to do at 3 am however he was oblivious to my efforts. 

     "He looks like he has potential," he continued, gesturing excitedly to a man in the right corner. I didn't even bother turning my head.

    "Too short for me." Nick glanced at me through his thick lashes, his eyebrows taut with concentration.

     "Oh, I know! How about that guy to your left! The one with the cap. It's r-" I cut him off abruptly with another long, disinterested sigh. Nick turned to look at me, confusion swimming in his eyes. I watched his excitement die slowly in his eyes in the same a fire lost it's spark eventually and only embers were left in the wind where they would slowly blow out too. I tried to calm myself as I noticed the spark and shine in his eye dim into something more subdued. Something that he seemed to reserve for the cameras when they asked for it. A respectful detachment. Slowly, he dragged his eyes away from the man with the striking cap before turning his head to face me. 

    "Nick, look," I glanced at Bryn who raised her eyebrows at me pointedly before deciding that her laptop was the most important thing ever, "I really appreciate the effort into making me forget but I don't think I can. Besides, even if we were to find a guy, hypothetically," I added catching his renewed energy, "then he's probably already taken." Just like the one beside me. God, Kennedi, stop getting your hopes up. The crash of it all will hurt all the more when reality makes it's appearance.

    "Oh," Nick mumbled, looking away from me, instead fiddling with the material of his shirt, "okay." I wanted to vent, let it out, but I didn't want to say words I didn't mean, be hurtful. It was just so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage was done. I looked at Nick, the way his ever present grin had vanished without a trace, at how his eyes were seemingly glazed on a spec of dust I couldn't see. I knew I'd done something pretty awful when I had to work so hard to justify it. The more demanding the reparations my subconscious required the worse I knew it was. My heart twisted uncomfortably in my chest. His excitement, the life in his eyes, it had all disappeared in the course of ten seconds. Because of me. 

    I reached out hesitantly, gingerly laying my hand on his shoulder, "hey," I whispered, "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. It's just-" I broke off, trying desperately to find the right words. I glanced at Bryn who gave me that knowing look. The look that said I knew exactly what to say, I just had to gather the courage to actually say it. I took a deep breath and continued, tilting Nick's head upwards, "it's just, I don't think my dream guy is here right now. Besides, I have your company and that's more than I could ever ask for," I tried to smile warmly at him, wondering how he'd take my apology. I wasn't usually good at them. Thankfully, he returned it and with the smile, came a little flash of life in his eye.

     "It's fine," he smiled, "I guess I just overreacted." Not wanting to push the matter further, I took my hand off his shoulder as his grin returned. Struggling for conversation, I asked the one question I didn't really want the answer to.

    "How about you tell me about your girlfriend?" I asked gently, my eyebrows waggling. I heard Bryn's fingers slow on the keyboard, a short and sharp breath escaping her. I didn't want to look at her. I could feel her shock at my question. I suppose, my feelings had always been easy to read to an extent and she had always been a master at deciphering what I could or was going to feel. However, Nick didn't notice or he simply didn't mention anything about my mood changes; instead he laughed at my eyebrow wiggling skills. It's going to be fine, I tried to calm myself, besides, we're going to be spending the next couple hours together. I may as well try and get rid of this discomfort. And hey, I may as well find out how she makes him so happy. He deserves it.