always and forever

⎡ 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕧𝕖 ⎦

❝ 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕜'𝕤 𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 ❞

    Distance is all that matters. Leaving was hard. Leaving her was hard. 

    Leaving is always hard, I thought to myself bitterly. Leaving is never ideal or easy. Despite leaving being my only option I found no joy and no cool detachment from it. I looked back one last time wishing this would just all be a dream. But it wasn't. It was reality and reality hurts more than dreams.

    I needed something to do, anything to take my mind off what I had just said. I rolled my eyes, trying to get into a character I had portrayed in a magazine a couple of weeks ago. I grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and stalked my way to the bathrooms, trying to briskly avoid a certain blonde. I didn't really want to talk to anyone right now. 

    Thankfully it was unoccupied so I quickly bolted the door, taking a small minute to let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. 

    I stepped into the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled ceramic floor. My mind was in shreds; I would never get that picture out of my mind. I turned the dial, the metallic, releasing thousands of lukewarm drops, darkening my hair and trickling down my back. My eyes fell closed over and over, each time showing me the images like photographs. I attempted to lather myself with soap as if to erase all the guilt and frustrations this short day had already acquired. 

    Glancing around, I noticed someone had left some vanilla-infused shampoo so I grabbed it, pouring a generous amount of the beautiful stuff into my hair. I followed suit with the conditioner when classical music started blaring from the top corner of the shower. Panicking, I slammed my head against the wall in shock. 

    I sighed in exasperation before letting out one curse, glaring at the speaker. "First that damn blonde," I muttered angrily, "and now this damn shower. What's next?" As if on cue, the water from the shower-head stopped pouring as if it too wanted to join in with my collected misery. I glanced around in confusion before my eyes landed on three bright red numbers, flashing very noticeably beside the shower racks. 

    0:00. Just my luck. At least I managed to rinse out most of the shampoo and conditioner before the damn water turned off.

    I stepped out of the shower and let the water droplets continue to fall from my body. Five minutes is almost nothing when you're used to longer showers of at least ten minutes. A fond memory brought me back, to a conversation with how shower lengths would determine your success in life. A soft laugh filled my ears and I wanted nothing more than to just bathe in the memory. I pushed my shoulders back and I blankly began to dry myself and put on a fresh set of clothes as if I could change into a new skin with no memories of who I used to be and who she used to love.

    It was odd coming back to my room. The lights appeared brighter than they should have and I glanced around to see if there was some sort of air conditioner on which would have explained the sudden chill. But there was nothing apart from the beat of my heart and a faint scent of vanilla that lingered painfully in the air. 

    It was easier to be in tune with my emotions now no one was here. It was easier to let go of everything. I let out a sigh, the breath escaping from my lips and being released from my bones which it had long settled in. I stepped into the room, jumping back in shock upon hearing the crunch underneath my shoes. I looked down half worriedly to see a little square of paper which was not what I was expecting at all.