Hatred // Muke

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[trigger warning - please skip if you don't feel comfortable]

• Michael •

I looked at the bathroom. Like all the other stuff in Ashton his house it looked really beautiful and expensive of course. But I didn't have the time to think about that stuff. I walked over to the bath tub and sat down at the edge. If you think logically, where would someone keep his stuff as a guy? Probably in one of the cabinets above the sink. I walked towards the cabinets and opened them one by one, they needed to be here normally.

Yes. I finally found the sharp metal instrument and felt bad. This wasn't even my stuff, I shouldn't be doing this. I sighed and rolled up the sleeve of my flannel and placed the razor at my wrist. I've done this so many times, but why am I scared right now? I shouldn't be scared, nobody cares about me so there isn't exactly a problem I suppose...

I closed my eyes and pressed the razor lightly and tried to push harder, but when I almost could feel a little bit blood on my wrist there was a loud knock on the door and I let the razor fall down on my shoes. Shit, this shouldn't be happening.

'Clifford do you want to come to Ash his room or do you want to hide in this bathroom a whole day?!', Luke exclaimed while entering the bathroom. I closed my eyes because I knew what would come. Here I am, standing in the middle of the bathroom, wrist slightly planed.

'What the hell is this?', Luke said shocked. He actually looked genuinely shocked. 'What do you think it is?', I laughed sarcastically. 'Why do you do this Michael?', Luke asked me. And that was enough for me. He really had some nerves to ask me this question! Oh well...

'Oh so you don't know why I almost did this? Well maybe because every day there is always somebody who calls me ugly, disgusting, worthless, a freak and the list goes on. And sometimes there is somebody who feels the pressure to say it every stupid minute of the whole day because they think it's cool or amusing. But let me tell you, it's not!', I exclaimed angrily.

Luke looked at me with his mouth wide open. He obviously didn't expect me to say that, but he just didn't realize what he does to me every single day. He ruins my life and enjoys it. And I think that there are plenty of other options to enjoy yourself than making people feel like utter shit.

'Got nothing to say huh?', I asked him sarcastically. 'I'm done with your shit Hemmings, try to find another victim and get a life!', I exclaimed. Luke was still a little bit shocked, but now it looked like he was getting angry. He walked towards me with a killing gaze and my recently founded courage disappeared. By the looks of it, Luke was about to punch me really hard and I didn't need that right now. Not all those questions of my mum again. Not that she really cared but still...

'You don't talk to me like that Clifford', Luke spat. I walked back and hit the wall. I was trapped and I was about to break from all the nerves. What was Luke his plan? He really scared me right now but of course I wouldn't let him notice that. 'Are you scared right now huh? Do you think you're better than me?', Luke asked me angrily. I didn't say a thing what made Luke only angrier. 'Answer me freak!', he hissed. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, he seriously needs to get a bit more creative.

Suddenly I felt a fist hit my jaw and the pain almost made me pass out. 'You dumb freak! How dare you to treat me like this!', Luke yelled. I lay on the ground and there was nothing I could do because it felt like I was frozen. He kicked me in my stomach and I almost puked. This hurt a lot and my body felt completely numb. 'Please, stop', I whispered. But Luke only laughed sarcastically at my begging and punched me again. I felt blood coming out of my nose and it reached my dry lips. The taste of metal was overwhelming and I felt the need to vomit.

'What the hell is going on here?!', I heard a voice yell. Luke stood shocked above me and his fist was frozen in the air. By the looks of it, it was Calum who had entered the bathroom along with Ashton following him. They both looked extremely shocked when they saw me so I suppose that I looked really bad.

'Oh my god Mikey!', Calum cried. 'What the hell is wrong with you!', Ashton yelled at Luke. Luke looked with big eyes and said nothing. He looked like he was in a sort of trance, it was almost like he didn't know that he was here in Ashton his bathroom.

Calum quickly took a few towels and made them wet to lay them on my face. He tried to wipe the blood carefully of my face but it hurt like hell. I whimpered and that caused Calum to panic. 'Are you alright Michael?', he asked worriedly. I just tried to smile a bit but I'm sure it looked too fake to make Calum worry less. In the background I heard Ashton shouting at Luke and it looked like  Luke was about to cry. Who thought that 'the' Luke Hemmings would cry?

'You look way better now', Calum smiled after he had cleaned up my face. I actually felt slightly better right now, and my body didn't feel as numb as before. 'Ashton, can you help me to carry Mikey?', he asked him. 'Sure', he smiled. 'Don't worry Michael, Luke is on his way home, I don't think we'll talk to him soon', he reassured me.

'I still don't understand why he did this', Calum sighed. 'We should've seen this coming', Ashton said. 'Don't you remember what happened the first time? I thought Luke was getting better but apparently not', Calum said. 'Of course I remember, how can you forget that? I don't know if he will ever can gain our trust back', Ashton sighed.

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(Edited: 28/08/15)
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x Julie