Hyungwon was silent at breakfast that day. All of them were quiet, though, so nobody suspected anything much to be wrong.
Nobody, except Wonho. But no matter how much Wonho tried to meet his eyes, Hyungwon refused to look at him.
Hyungwon picked at his food while looking around the room. Tables like theirs, each with a wing letter on them. Most of the tables seated five or six kids. Some, like their own, held seven.
But no matter how many times Hyungwon counted, he only came up with 25. Maybe I missed one?
"Family day is coming up," Shownu said, trying to start a conversation. When he saw Hyungwon look over at him, he smiled. "Once a month," family or other authorized guests are allowed to visit. You get to see them for an hour. It's nice."
Hyungwon gave no reaction. He wasn't sure if his parents would come, and if they did, he wasn't sure how they would act. Happy that he was finally "getting help"? Disappointed in him for needing help in the first place?
Or would they treat him like Wonho had treated him, like he was misillusioned, a child, like he was stupid and-
Crazy.
But the more Hyungwon tried to fight it, the less he found he wanted to. What was so bad about being crazy, anyway?
Maybe they can help me here. Maybe...maybe they can make the dreams go away...
Sometimes, he preferred thinking he was crazy, because the alternative meant that the dreams were real.
"Is your family coming?" Shownu asked Hyungwon, still trying to be polite for a reason Hyungwon didn't understand.
Hyungwon ignored him, not wanting to think of his family, not wanting to see their faces in his mind.
"I hope not," Jooheon answered, slamming his spoon down on his tray. "I wish my dad would just drop dead already. Old bastard would be doing the world a favor."
"My mom'll probably come," Minhyuk said from the other side of the table, stirring his food with no intent on eating it. "If she's not all cracked up. She was last month. But maybe...maybe not this month, you know..."
"I guess it depends if my mom's boyfriend is in town," Changkyun said after a beat. Nobody wanted to be the one to break it to Minhyuk that it hadn't just been last month that she'd missed but also the three months before last. "She won't come if he's here. But..." He trailed off. "What about you, Shownu?"
Shownu smiled. "My parents come every month to visit us," he said. "To visit me," he corrected. "But my dad usually waits outside the room. He doesn't like seeing me much."
Kihyun laughed. "Your dad doesn't like seeing you?" He slammed his tray down on the table and growled, "My mom tried to bloody kill me! Crazy bitch."
Hyungwon wondered if that was how Kihyun's severe paranoia had been created, having his trust broken by someone who was supposed to love him unconditionally.
Hyungwon wondered if he'd end up the same way.
Wonho, meanwhile, was wondering if anyone would come to visit him.
***
School progressed quickly that day because it all went right over Hyungwon's head. His thoughts were torn between Sunday evaluations and and family visits. He didn't know what to expect from either.
But he didn't want to dwell over his own issues. He'd learned from breakfast that everyone else had it harder than he did. He just needed to suck it up and stop acting like it was the end of the world.
Easier said than done.
He noticed Wonho following him closely back to their room.
Probably waiting for me to pass out so he can be my knight in shining armor again, Hyungwon thought bitterly. He ignored Wonho's presence and continued on ahead until he'd reached their room. Then he sat down on his bed and focused on avoiding eye contact with his roommates.
Kihyun entered and sprawled down on his bed, glaring at the cameras. "Can't we get any damn privacy in this place?" He paused and dropped his voice. "I heard some of the higher-up rooms don't have cameras. They don't have to deal with having someone watch them every second." He scowled at the camera before transferring the scowl to Hyungwon. "What's your deal anyway?"
"I'm sorry?" Hyungwon replied, confused.
"What's wrong with you?"
Hyungwon thought for a moment about what he should say. "I..." But he frowned after a moment. Everyone here already hated him. Or so it felt like. Telling them would do nothing, change nothing. Worse than nothing, they could harass him or make fun of him or treat him like Changkyun, like a liar.
If Hyungwon would be disliked either way, he'd rather keep his secrets to himself. "It's none of your business," he snapped, and Wonho frowned, having never heard Hyungwon use such a sharp tone before. He wondered if he was to blame for it.
"Fine, freak," Kihyun snapped back, and Hyungwon found that it didn't hurt as much as other things that had been said to (or about) him
Because he was just one freak out of many here.
