Things changed after that night.
Jooheon grew quieter, more restrained. Calmer. He hadn't climbed on top of any tables or yelled at anyone or punched anyone.
It was almost alarming.
It was like a different kid altogether.
As for Wonho, something strange occurred in that nothing occurred at all. He'd been Nathan for the past week, and on Monday, he was still Nathan.
"It usually only lasts a week," Kihyun told Hyungwon with a confused but disinterested shrug. "Maybe this is who he really is. We'll never really know."
Hyungwon shrugged back, but he didn't feel like the boy who consistently caught and carried him when he collapsed looked like a Nathan.
Hyungwon, in the meantime, had survived another evaluation, feeling less anxious about this one since he knew what to expect, even though it still made him extremely uncomfortable. He spent the week with Kihyun and Wonho (or was he really Nathan?). He was most comfortable around them since they roomed together, but also since they seemed the most...real...out of the group.
Changkyun had always been a bit fidgety, and while Hyungwon appreciated Minhyuk's presence, he sensed that the other boy had a hard time being honest. He sensed a darkness in Minhyuk, a darkness that Minhyuk pretended didn't exist, and while Hyungwon felt how positive and bright Minhyuk could be, his friendly aura was perpetually stained with the feeling of deception.
As for Shownu, Hyungwon had never really understood him. The calmest and most accepting of the group, he seemed to be friendly with everyone without really getting close to anyone. He was nice enough to like but not memorable to remember with his half-smiles and soft laughter and quiet assurances. There were days that Hyungwon would lay in bed and try to remember if he'd talked with Shownu at all. He had a hard time recalling.
And so the week, Hyungwon's third in the institution, drifted by as usual. They were permitted to eat breakfast in the cafeteria once more after their probationary status had been revoked, so they trudged down to the common area each morning and took their seats around the table with a large M in the middle.
"Morning, Skeleton," Jooheon said with a nod, acknowledging Hyungwon's presence as he approached the table from behind Kihyun. Even though he knew the way now, he still let Kihyun lead because the smaller boy seemed to walk with a confidence that Hyungwon knew he still didn't possess, even after two weeks under his belt, and Wonho preferred to walk behind or next to Hyungwon in case he needed to make a quick catch if the boy went limp.
"G'morning, Jooheon," Hyungwon said. He was too tired to manage a smile, but he tipped his head forward and down slightly, dragging a hand through his bangs as he sat down.
Kihyun sat to his right and picked up the fork, prodding the tip of his index finger with one of the tines to test the sharpness. It seemed as though the calmer Jooheon became, the more agitated Kihyun became, the more frustrated he became with the cameras, with the personnel. Even now, instead of eating his breakfast, his eyes were narrowed in on the closest ward guard, his lips pulled back slightly to reveal his sharper teeth.
Hyungwon set a hand on his arm, feeling the forearm muscle tense beneath his palm. "You should eat something," he suggested softly. "Or you'll be hungry later."
Kihyun stared at the guard for several more seconds before exhaling sharply and looking down at his tray, beginning to eat forkful by forkful but looking up at guards and cameras in between.
It made Hyungwon sad. He knew that they weren't defined by their conditions, but it upset him to see Kihyun's illness taking control of him and spiraling away. He'd seemed better lately, thoughtful at times and even someone Hyungwon had come to rely on and care about, but now...
In this state, Kihyun didn't have room to care about anyone but himself and the nonexistent threats to his own safety.
Hyungwon wondered if that was what would happen to them all sooner or later, that they'd just wear themselves down, their conditions eating at them until they were just stumbling along without any knowledge of who they were or how they'd gotten there.
Hyungwon frowned as he realized that Kihyun had stopped eating again, his left hand poised by the tray, and Hyungwon got a good look at the scar running across his flesh. It was thick and white, running horizontally across, and it looked to have healed over.
"How did you get that?" Hyungwon asked, pointing at Kihyun's scar without touching him. He'd probably made a mistake of touching his arm earlier, but he'd thought that Kihyun had needed a physical touch to bring him back to focus. Now, however, he didn't want overstep his boundaries. Kihyun had respected Hyungwon's, making it clear just how important boundaries were, and Hyungwon didn't want to betray that trust. "If you don't mind me asking," he added after a brief moment of hesitation.
Kihyun didn't take his eyes off the ward guard. "My mom. Cut my hand open. Kitchen knife." Before Hyungwon could ask why (not that he was going to), Kihyun continued, "Said I look too much like my dad."
Hyungwon was quiet. He didn't want to ask any questions. Anything that Kihyun wanted to say, he'd say. And anything that he didn't want to say, Hyungwon shouldn't ask about.
"He left her. Got her pregnant and left. Her family disowned her. She raised me by herself. Was hoping I'd have her eyes at least but she wasn't a lucky woman." He paused, swallowing, and for a moment, Hyungwon saw the Kihyun he knew, the one who was a little bit vulnerable and a lot a bit bitter, but then his face became blank once more, even though he wasn't looking over at Hyungwon. "I started looking like him more and more as I grew up. She just couldn't take it any more. Said it was all his fault. Or my fault. She was screaming at me. Crazy. Riled up. She wasn't making sense. To herself, I guess she was." Kihyun opened his mouth, paused, his eyes turning foggy as he remembered. "I tried to calm her down, walked up to her slowly, told her to stop yelling and just breathe and then she-" Kihyun's eyes flashed as he scowled. "She slashed at me, her son. Who the frick does that? Who just...who hurts their son?"
There was silence at the table for a moment.
Then, "Shit, man, that's too heavy for the breakfast table," Changkyun said.
