Changkyun couldn't sleep. A lot was on his mind, for sure, but he'd also been woken up by Shownu, who had a habit of sleep-talking in the middle of the night. Usually, Changkyun just sat there and remained silent, letting himself relax back into sleep, but for the moment, he just sat there and listened.
"No, I shouldn't," Shownu mumbled. "That's bad. I shouldn't do that." A pause. "I know, but...no, I understand, I didn't mean to...okay, you know that I-"
"Shownu, can you be quiet?" Changkyun asked as he shifted in his bed, too frustrated with the conflict of the day to deal with the conflict of the night.
There was a momentary silence followed by the rustling of sheets as Shownu turned, and Changkyun sighed in relief and closed his eyes.
He couldn't see it in the darkness, but Shownu's eyes were still wide open.
***
In the darkness of the next room over, Hyungwon was curled up against the wall, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to even out his breathing, but every time he got close to a state of calm, the panic would flare up again, and he'd be back where he started. He'd woken up from a dream as usual, but they were getting harder to handle. Kihyun was gone, and Nathan was effectively gone. Hyungwon was alone.
The dark made it worse. He felt that if he could see, if he could just see that everything was all right and okay and that he was all right and okay, then...then it would be better, somehow. He knew it wasn't logical, but...the dark was a petri dish for fear, letting it grow and contaminate every inch of Hyungwon.
But he couldn't make a sound, or he'd wake Wonho, and then Wonho would look at him again like he had a few months ago, like Hyungwon was...inhuman.
So Hyungwon stayed huddled against the wall, wrapping his blanket over his head, and rocking back and forth, his spine hitting the hard concrete every other second, and waited for morning to come.
***
The four of them gathered at the breakfast table the next day. It felt wrong sitting there, four where there used to be seven. They didn't have to use their elbows to secure a bit more territory. There was altogether too much space now.
The table was silent at first. Shownu was content to just continue living in his head thinking about whatever it was that occupied the majority of his thoughts, and Hyungwon was only barely conscious, having been up for hours in the middle of the night as his panic attack had raged onward. Wonho didn't know anyone well enough to force small talk, which left...
Changkyun. He looked between Wonho and Hyungwon, figuring that it was up to him to say something, but he didn't know what he was allowed to say and what was off-limits. He supposed that that's why Kihyun had been a good friend to Hyungwon, because Kihyun had understood those invisible boundaries better than most people, and judging from how the two interacted, Kihyun understood what Hyungwon was willing to divulge. Changkyun was only just starting to build up a relationship with Hyungwon, though, and he didn't want to ruin it by saying something that would hurt Hyungwon or send him into a mental breakdown.
"Hey," he said, silently hoping to himself that if he just broke the silence, someone else would pave the way. He cleared his throat when nobody did. "How are you feeling today?" he asked Hyungwon, trying not to sound too concerned. He was to an extent, though. He'd noticed how thin and pale Hyungwon was getting, and Hyungwon's recent instability didn't seem to be making anything of a positive impact on that.
Hyungwon's eyes took a second to look up and meet Changkyun's before they fell back down to his tray as though he couldn't sustain the effort. "I'm feeling great," he mumbled, his voice hollow, followed by the almost involuntary, "How are you?"
"I'm, uh, I'm okay," Changkyun said, realizing that he'd failed, but damn it, he didn't know what to say to the other boy. He barely knew him at all. He knew nothing about his family, how his narcolepsy had developed, how long he'd been narcoleptic, and why else he was here.
They were practically strangers.
"Hey," Wonho said, and Changkyun looked up, thinking that he was being admonished for his pitiful attempt to spark conversation, but instead, Wonho was looking over at Hyungwon. "You have to eat something, man. Come on, I know it's early and the food sort of sucks, but try and get something in your stomach, yeah?"
Hyungwon didn't react for a second, and Changkyun felt that if the chair wasn't holding Hyungwon up, he'd have collapsed on the floor already. Then he moved to pick up his fork and began placing forkful after forkful of food in his mouth. He'd chew for a moment, swallow, and proceed onto the next forkful. It was less that he was doing it of any will of his own and moreso that he was too tired to function any other way than by following instructions.
"Good job," Wonho said with a smile, although Changkyun read the concern in his eyes. He was confused, though; yesterday, Wonho had resumed his original identity and had treated them like strangers, and yet here he was, taking care of Hyungwon as though he'd never become Shin Hoseok.
Maybe that was just part of him all along, Changkyun thought to himself. Maybe he just can't help himself from picking up a charity case. He winced as he realized how harsh that sounded, especially toward Hyungwon, the charity case in question.
Maybe he's just a good person, he thought instead, but the thought was alien to him. In a place like that, it was hard to imagine anyone being genuinely good and selfless.
