Only Hurts The One I Love

Chap 8

"Love is the greatest thing that we have. I'm waiting for that feeling. I'm waiting for that feeling, waiting for that feeling to come."

Blur - Tender

8.

The younger boy tacitly allowed Alex to drag him out through the backdoor. Miles was still sniffing when they ended up at the same place as last time, his face puffy because of all the tears. There was a painful moment, during which Alex failed to find his voice.

Miles flinched when Alex touched his swollen cheek. He violently tried to shake off Alex's hand. "Get off," Miles snarled, but at the same time both of his arms stayed motionless on his sides, doing nothing to stop Alex from getting close. "Did you hear me asking for your help?"

Alex recoiled at that choice of words. Apologies got stuck in his throat, instead he desperately shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that, Miles." Eventually he muttered, feeling guilty as hell. "It's just- you could have just called the security."

Clearly it wasn't the right thing to say, for Miles glared back at him in rage. "Fuck the security - haven't you heard what he was fucking saying?"

Alex let out a frustrated whimper. "I'd deal with it myself!"

Miles blinked at him, speechless. The boy could be looking quite scary, if were not for the fresh tears gliding down his cheeks. "You think I don't know that?" Asked Miles angrily. "You think it's none of my business, just because you could fucking defend yourself?"

It felt like arguing with a kid, those kinds of arguments that would make you feel bad for days afterwards. His thumb brushed over the small cut on Miles' chin when Miles pulled away from him. It was a tiny cut after all. Alex bet Miles had had worse from a brutal football game. But he just couldn't stand the sight of it. Before he could stop himself, Alex was shouting back, "He hurt you! That bastard fucking laid his hands on you and I did absolutely nothing, nothing! Can't you see? I don't need you to protect me, Miles. I'm the one that's supposed to-"

He only realized Miles' lips were against his because of the slight taste of blood. The touch was different than all the kisses they shared before. It was as if their usual roles were switched, and Miles was leading him to somewhere unknown. All the fears were drained from his chest and replaced by a bittersweet tingling. Realization hit him like a dagger straight to the heart.Suddenly Alex knew he got it really, really wrong.

No wonder Miles was so disappointed in him.

Hadn't they passed the step already? Alex retreated back every time when he felt treasured, as if Miles had burned him intentionally with love. Miles wasn't even petty about Alex being an ungrateful prick. After all, it was Alex who came back to him, so naturally this time Miles was expecting him to do better.

"Just tell me, Alex. Tell me what I'm allowed to do." Miles put a distance between them again, his shoulders slumping down. The collar bit into his neck like a chain when Miles lowered his head, and he pleaded with a raw, tired voice. "At least give me something to work with here, Alex. Please? I can't keep things going if you keep shutting me out."

"I-"Alex choked on a sob, suddenly being closed to tears himself. He told him, "I don't know."

Miles' expression softened. He once again stepped back and made the distance wider in between them. "Alright." He compromised. It's a mystery how they ended up like this, with Miles comforting him when his eyes were still all red. "We can figure it out together later."

"It's not alright." Alex argued stubbornly, surprising them both. "I let you down."

Miles bit down on his lower lip. He would never admit it. Nonetheless, Alex knew. Why waiting for later, when he knew the next time might just be the same? The truth was leaving his mouth before he knew it. "If I just let you be my hero this time, next time I'll want you to hold me when I'm feeling down. I'd wake you up when I'm disconnected from everywhere else even at three in the morning. I'll expect you to understand without me saying things and if not I may get so fucking frustrated and take it all out on you. I'll hurt you, like what I've just done, and I will do it again."