Now I dance for you (Male reader x Kpop girls)

3

*Flashback *
KURTIS POV

I disappeared for about a year. Grief overtaking a majority of my emotions as I tried to cope through the pain by drowning myself with my tears.

I was a pretty happy kid growing up, even though my father was never in the picture and I didn't have any siblings I had a positive childhood. My mother loved me like any doting mother would and then some. Always nitpicking what I wear or stressing over which sock I should wear the next day. At first I thought being happy was enough but I soon realized that I was hiding under a mask that was created by expectations.

My mother didn't want me to be like my dad, god forbids I don't even know what he looks like, so I was always pushed to exceed among others. I would be top of the class in grades "why aren't you #1 for your whole grade?"  She would say, going off in a rant about using the other people around me as whetstones to further improve myself and be the best. She Wanted me to be a doctor for crying out loud, Imagine silly me wearing a doctors gown, and I couldn't handle the pressure any longer.

Then I found dance, or it found me? Idk I started dancing okay.

At first it was just for fun, moving my body a certain way, making a silly face, enjoying music with my friends. But overtime I fell in love with it. How the flow of the music and the melody of the song can help express whatever pent up emotion you have inside. It broke the mask I was wearing all this time and there and then I decided never to wear it again.

Mother never supported my passion for dance. Emphasizing that it was just a faze during my time in highschool but I told her it wasn't. We fell out even more after I chose to pursue dance instead of med school, I knew it was a risk but I felt like dancing was what I was called to do. She threw me away after that day.

The first couple months after highschool were rough especially for a barely legal teen, freshly kicked out from his home with no other relative around. I was able to live with my dance crew captain for a while until was able to generate income and find a place for myself. Having a dance family almost as close as my only blood relative made me love dance even more. It gave me people who genuinely cared for me even though the blood flowing in my veins wasn't theirs. A couple of months after, I got the break I was desperately looking for, I was asked to teach as a fill in for a certain choreographer and I took the chance as soon as possible . The pay was minuscule but I didn't care and immediately said yes. A student at the time was able to record my choreography and posted it online, giving me the jumpstart I needed to further my career.  Over the next year I received blessing over blessing ; offers for shows , choreographing for professional dancers, making my own dance show. The list goes on. I made a name for myself and was renowned within the dance community, I was respected and acknowledge by my peers...but not by the most important person of them all.

Mother still didn't talk to me but after a year I finally had the courage to meet her face to face again. She remarried within that year with a big time health mogul who had a son about my age going through med school. I told her that I finally did it. That my name Kurtis Park was out there for people to know. That the son she named Kurtis Park was a famous choreographer That made her proud right? 

"Don't delude yourself, the name Kurtis Park doesn't belong to you. I can make how many Kurtis Park I want and you have no say, do you know why? Because you're just an image. An image I made but failed."

"I will have another son and name him Kurtis.
I will nurture him to become one of the elite of this world, and use him to erase the stain your father and yourself made within my legacy."

She slammed the door in front of my tear stained face and asked the security guarding their house to escort me out. I made no fuss as her words were being processed by my brain. A piece of my heart was left in front of her doorsteps as I felt loss, was my name mine? Who am I really? I looked into a mirror and saw a blurred face ... I felt empty and with no other choice I put on yet another smiling mask to hide my insecurity.

I went MIA . Didn't answer any offer , lost a lot of  partnerships and a couple friends dear to me left as I felt the weight of my insecurities bearing down on my shoulders.  Even dance couldn't lift me out of the hole I dug myself into, surrounded by the negativity and doubt that was planted by the words my mother said into my very being. I functioned as the husk that I was every day for the next half a year Barely eating , barely talking , and avoiding every mirror  possible to avoid seeing the blurred face I carried. I couldn't take it any longer and decided a nameless guy like me doesn't really matter at all.

So I tried it.. and stoped before I could go any further. I was so afraid..so discouraged but this was not the way. I went to therapy for the next couple months and was gradually getting better when I was shot through the heart with the news that came.

My mother had passed away because of cancer and took the brother I never had with her.  She suddenly had a mild stroke and miscarried , and later found out that she had stage 4 cancer that resulted in the stroke she had. She left us on the second day she was admitted in the hospital with nothing but a will to be passed on to me. I didn't leave our home for a week and haven't touched the will she had passed on once. Believing that if I read it then it will just reaffirm her leaving forever was real.  One day I woke up with rays of light slipping through the windows illuminating the table with the will on top of it. I knew it was time to accept what had happened and with shaky hands grabbed a letter opener.

Dear Kurtis,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said and I'm sorry for leaving you like this. I let my dreams and aspirations take ahold of my judgement and neglected yours in the process. I threw away the very thing I loved the most and I regretted every day , hours and seconds of it. You don't know this but i watched every dance performance you have ever performed and I must say my son that you shine brighter than anything I've ever seen when you're dancing. You were destined to dance my son so don't lose hope. I know what I said must have hurt you tremendously and I guess I've gotten what i deserved for the words I spoke to you that day but I still love you and I hope youll have it in your heart to love your mother back one day . Kurtis was the name your father wanted to give you and I decide to not tell you your Korean name until now. There might be other people named Kurtis around the world but understand my child that there will only ever be one of you. I love you so much . I love you so so so much. Make sure to eat well and stay healthy, Don't forget to take care of your  hygiene my beautiful boy. And Never stop dancing , no longer do you have to dance for acknowledgement my son but dance for me ... Dance for yourself  my dear son PARK HAJIN.

Love

Ms Dianna Park

I placed the letter back on the table as I tilt my head back with my hand on my side.

Park Hajin.

My mother has left me forever but she's has given me the name i so desperately needed. A name that was made for me.

Park Hajin.

I looked into the mirror and saw the mask I was wearing turn into dust. And finally I saw myself.  I had jet black hair with a slight blue hue, Though puffy and bloodshot because of my tears I had soft and gentle auburn eyes, a thin nose and thin lips with a slight pink colour. This was Park Hajin. No this was me.

"I love you and thank you for everything Eomma"

Weeks after I was booking a flight to Korea to live the rest of my days how I Kim Hajin would see fit.

*End of flash back*

I open my eyes and smile internally. I know Just the piece to teach for the first time as Kim Hajin.

————————————————————————

whew this was pretty hard to make , especially since English isn't my first language. But a somewhat heavy chapter which I felt was appropriate regardless. I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as iam enjoying writing it. 

Much love friends

Mangolisaa