At dinner, Mr. Ken and Mrs. Kim told me all the sweet things Karin had been telling them about me. Karin slurped up her spaghetti noodles as her mom and dad repeated some of those things.
"Karin tells us that you are the best thing that has ever happened to her," Mrs. Kim looked at Mr. Ken smiling and placed her hand in his.
"Yeah—that's a major thing for her to say. We've never heard her say anything like this about her previous boyfriends." Mr. Ken added.
I smiled sheepishly. On the outside, I needed to communicate a heart of gratitude to her parents for their daughter; but inwardly, I didn't cherish those feelings toward her.
"And she's the best thing that has ever happened to me, too!" I lied to myself. My conscience kicked me in the guts. I'd have to fight back with it for the rest of dinner.
"Is marriage something you've ever thought about, son?" Mr. Ken asked.
I about spit up my Sprite back into my glass. I placed it down on the table. I looked at Karin, who had the widest smile on her small face. I balled up my toes in my shoes.
"I actually have, sir. I couldn't imagine spending my life with no one else." I knew I was in over my head. Instead of telling her what I needed to, here I was steadily affirming her. And I couldn't stop!
"So I assume, you love our daughter?" Mrs. Kim queried.
I swallowed hard. At first I just nodded my head. And then Karin got up from her seat, kissed me on the cheek, and said I love you! I saw her father looking directly at me.
"I love you...too?" I said out of mere compulsion. I had never said that to anyone in my life except my mom.
Beads of sweat had gathered on my chest and had begun to roll down my stomach and drench my shirt. I took a big gulp of my Sprite directly from the glass this time instead of the straw.
"May I be excused for a moment?" I asked. Everyone nodded their head. I escaped to the bathroom.
Dude, I spoke to myself as I stood at the bathroom sink looking in the mirror, what the fuck? I loosened my tie. You just told her parents you loved her. How are you gonna ever tell her what's up now? Gosh! What have I gotten myself into this time?! Pull it together, Garret. This is getting serious. You have to be 100, man.
I took a paper towel and wiped my forehead. I fanned my shirt a little to provide my chest some air. I tightened my tie back up and headed back out to the horse and pony show.
After dinner, as we rode down the road, i was mute.
"Hello over there!" Karin broke the silence. "You've not said one word since we left dinner. Andddd you told me you had something to talk about after dinner anyways." She looked at me in anticipation.
"Ohhh—" I couldn't even find the words. I was truthfully speechless. "—never mind."
