The Space Between Us

Chapter 13

A mind not to be changed by place or time. The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n.

Those words were said by one of my favorite poets, John Milton.

And i believe in this so much. Besides the fact that he referred to the mind as an individual place. This statement is true on so many levels.

Because from experience, i know that my mind is chaotic, messy place.

******

"H-how? Why? When did this happen?" I tumble over the words.

"I'm sorry. I should have known this was coming. We should sit down and i'll tell you everything." She motions to the nearest bench and we sit down.

"So, my dad is a surgeon. Long story short, something wrong happened in a surgery and the patient died. The patient's parents told the police and you can guess what happened after that." Her voice shakes a little at the end. She closes her eyes tightly and rests her elbows on her knees.

"So, your dad was to blame or is he innocent ?" I ask cautiously.

She doesn't open her eyes, instead she squeezes her eyes shut more tightly. "He is to blame." She takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, then she whispers "He is guilty, he was being so careless and he deserves this." She averts her eyes away from mine, ashamed.

I move closer to her and i put one hand on her back.

"Syd, look at me."

She slowly raises her head and looks at me. A tear falls from her eyes. I wipe it away gently.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?" I say softly.

She nods. I wrap my other hand around her and pull her to me. She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I miss him." She whispers into the darkness.

I pull away to look at her. "You don't get to visit him?" I ask her.

"I do, but i miss living with him and going out with him. It's been four years. Four years of hell."

"I'm so sorry, Syd." I wipe away her tears.

"It's okay. I'm okay now." She says, mostly to herself.

"It's okay not to be okay, you know?"

She smiles. "I know."

A few minutes pass and we're sitting there just holding each other when the painting on the wall catches my attention.

"You did that, huh?" I ask.

"Yes. I got permission, of course."

"It's beautiful." I turn and look at her. "So are you."

Her cheeks redden and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you, but i'm not." She sighs.

"Yes, you are. You're beautiful and smart and strong. The strongest person i've ever met. I wish i was like you."

Her eyes soften and she takes my hand. "Jake, there's only so much that one person can handle. Believe me. I've been in the dark. But so much time has passed that i overcame it all. You will, too."

"You, sitting here and saying those things just proves my point."

She just smiles and squeezes my hand.

Who knew? That the girl who helped me laugh had burdens of her own? The girl who seemed so fearless and free, had gone to hell and back?

But even so, here she is at a parking lot of a prison, Music blasting from her phone while she danced and swayed all around.

Then she sat down and we talked about our favorite books. And i noticed a few things that i haven't noticed before.

Sydney has a small scar on her chin, so faint almost invisible.

She has a thing for Agatha Christy books.

And last but not least, I'm slowly, so slowly, falling.

********

Awake, arise or be for ever fall'n.
-John Milton.