The Space Between Us

Chapter 23

Is it possible, to make up all these thoughts?

Is it possible, that it was all in my head?

Is it possible, that it was after all, my own, sick imagination?

                                 ******

I'm sitting in a daze.

It's like everything around me is spinning, and i'm stuck in the middle.

I grab my notebook, my only guarantee that what happened wasn't real.

I press it close to my chest and close my eyes. I can barely hear her voice anymore. But i can feel her, right next to my beating heart.

She was there. She's still there. She will always be.

I open my notebook and i read all the things i've wrote about her.

One

Is what's happening right now real?
To have those gentle eyes looking at me?
To have that sweet voice calling my name?

Yes, it did happen.

She was wrapped in my embrace, and i was wrapped in the comfort of being close to her.

To hold her close to my heart,
To let her hear it beating wildly in my chest,
Every time she comes close.

To hear her sweet laugh, echoing around us in the parking lot.

She's everywhere. In my heart, in my head, in my words.

I didn't write all of this over someone who wasn't there.

Or maybe i did.

Maybe i needed to feel this kind of thing. To feel love, and to live a little.

Maybe i needed this to come out of the shell i was in.

I am pretty sure this was what i needed to mend my broken heart over my mother.

Even if it wasn't real, i have learned many things that i won't ever forget.

Things that can't be said, but very little it's almost unnoticeable.

Like laughing out loud. Eating ice cream when it's cold outside. Driving to another city to watch a movie. Fighting over opinions on books and movies.

Maybe this was the time to let go.

I've learned, and it's now over.

I didn't let go, and i think neither did she. But we had to be apart. Maybe for some reasons that i don't understand now, but i will sooner or later.

Under other circumstances, i wouldn't have accepted this. But now, i've changed. And i've became a better version of myself.

And i will try to hold on to those memories. They will be the thread that holds us together, barely.

Even though she's not there anymore.

Because my mind made a space between us.

A space harder to cross than any other.

                                 ******
I wanna see you,
But you're not mine.
-The 1975.