the second last ending

seven - i can't believe what's happening

I broke up with Mitch two months ago. It's September now.

After my mother died, I didn't have time for a relationship. Some of my friends argued that what I needed was a relationship. I could see their point, but I didn't listen.

I told him about my mother and how I was going through difficult times. Mitch was quite understanding, and he took the news well. He didn't get mad or hold any sort of grudge against me, but he did seem a little disappointed.

What I didn't tell him or anybody else except for Em and Remus was that the real reason I broke up with him was that I realized that I still wasn't over Sirius at all.

Around the same time, Sirius broke up with Marlene. We all knew he would because he told the Marauders, but Marlene still took it pretty hard. It was full week before she began replying to our letters, and by then, Sirius had stopped feeling bad.

Now I'm on the train to Hogwarts once again, and this time, I end up with the Marauders.

I have a strong feeling that they all planned to let me sit with them. Why? Maybe pity. Probably pity. I can't be too sure, though.

I sit between the window and Sirius (James and Remus' doing, I suppose) and don't contribute much to the conversation, but rather listen.

By the time that we're halfway there, they're all exhausted from pranking almost the entirety of the Slytherins on the train, so they mostly slump asleep.

Sirius' eyes are closed peacefully and his head is tilted back, but I know he's not fully sleeping because James and Remus have told me that he always snores when he's sleeping. However, I know that the rest of them are, though, because they're all snoring as well.

Through closed eyes, Sirius mumbles, "I'm really sorry about your mother, Rose. It must've been difficult."

"Well... I never really was close to my mother. She was very closed off after my father left. Still, I miss her," I say softly, not wishing to wake up the other Marauders.

"Even though she's dead though, she still loves you. That's all that matters. It seems hard and complicated now, but it'll get better," he says, his eyes still closed. His hand searches for mine and he finds it and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

Then, I remember all the horrid stories of Sirius' mother I'd heard about from James and Remus.

"I'm sorry. You don't have the best relationship with your mother, do you?" I ask quietly.

Sirius chuckles dryly as he snorts, "That's a bit of an understatement. That cranky bitch hates me."

We both begin to laugh noiselessly as Sirius finally opens his eyes and looks at me.

Somehow, we both know what's about to happen.

Sirius leans towards me slowly, and he's so close I can nearly I can feel his soft breathing.

===

"What are you going to do?" Em stresses, running her hands through her hair. "So let me get this straight: After you kissed, you say that you're sorry and you leave to go find me?"

Now that she puts it that way, I may have realized my mistake. When I don't say anything, Em smacks my head and pushes me out of her compartment.

"Idiot! Go talk to him!"

I am very aware of how quickly I'm breathing, how sweaty my palms begin to become, and how shaky my legs are as I walk back to the Marauders' compartment.

Thankfully, Sirius is still the only one awake.

"Okay, um, listen. So about what just happened... I have to know. Did you just do that because you feel bad for me?" I ask quietly.