Silver

Chapter 75 - then

I had to fess up to my mum and dad as they were still paying my university fees. I was hoping to just tell my dad, but my mum was home for dinner that night as well. Dad served us pumpkin, ricotta and prosciutto lasagna and poured me a glass of edelweiss and pomegranate juice. They'd both stopped asking why Alistair couldn't come.

'How's uni?' dad asked, just as we started eating.

'Oh ... I wanted to talk to you both about that. I've deferred my course. I'm studying to become a mental health worker.'

Dad froze, his fork airborne.

'But ... they're ... blue collar workers,' mum said, finally, equally as shocked as dad. 'They're one step up from cleaners.'

'Sylvie, you've always wanted to do architecture. What happened? Did something happen at university?'

'No, I ... I just wanted to work in mental health.'

'But you're so clever you could be a psychologist,' dad said.

'Well, there's hardly any psychologists left any more,' I replied. 'Unless I want to do sports psychology.'

'What's going on?' mum asked. 'RMIT has such a great reputation. You've always wanted to do architecture. You're a privileged girl with a good education. Why are you doing this to us?'

'I'm not doing anything to you,' I said. My heart was pounding, I felt ill, I'd been bracing myself for this conversation all week, and it was going just as I expected. Black was charring the edges of my vision. 'I'm making choices,' I said. 'My own choices. This is what I want to do.'

'Since when?' dad asked. His face looked fractured, I'd really hurt him. It had always been him and me with our love of design. He'd dreamt that I'd do all the things that he'd only been able to lecture about. I couldn't look at him, because I felt so sorry.

'Since now. It's my life,' but I had no authority in my voice. It was only a whimper.

'But those people are dangerous. You're basically wanting to be a prison guard,' mum said. 'This is why they've been removed from society, because they pose a risk. And you want to work with them? You're choosing to be with those sorts of people?'

'They're not dangerous, mum. They're mentally ill.'

'Then why has our prison population decreased by 70 per cent? Because they're all in those institutions. Sylvie, what are you thinking?'

'I don't even agree that they should be locked away,' my voice was rising. 'Shouldn't we be caring for these people in the community, like we used to?'

'Of course not. What good are they in the community?'

'What do you even know about them, mum?'

Dad was completely silent, and his silence maddened me.

'What does Alistair say?' mum asked.

'Nothing,' I replied. 'He lets me make my own choices.'

'You're not telling us something,' mum said. 'I know you Sylvie. You've always had a strong will, but you've always been private and kept things to yourself. We can't help you if you don't tell us what's up.' Her tone was threatening and did nothing to make me want to share anything. All I wanted to do was get through the meal and get out of there. 'Is it Alistair? Lots of new couples need marriage guidance, maybe the two of you need help. Marriage isn't a walk in the park, it's hard work. Why don't we ever see him?'

'He works late in the city. It's too far for him to come here.'

'Does he support you in this decision?' dad asked.

'Yes. He let's me make my own choices,' I said again.

'What do you think of him?' mum asked.

'Don't you think it's a little too late to ask me that? Do you really want to know the truth?' They were both staring at me. 'He's a creep. He's hasn't touched me, but he's a creep. He's the worst type of husband there is. And you two ...' the world was now dyed in red, I was on a roll and nothing could stop me, '... you married me off to him. So why should you care now? Fuck this.'

I pushed my meal away from me and grabbed my bag from the hallway. When I slammed the door shut behind me, I realised I was not coming back again. I was totally alone in the world. Jarvis was my only hope.