First Kiss

36 (b)

I can tell he doesn't know exactly what to say, but he squeezes my hand and puts his head on my shoulder.

"It must be hard," he murmurs. "I can't imagine. I've got you, though, if you ever need someone to talk to."

"Thank you," I say. He chuckles, as if he finds my manners so bizzare and adorable.

I feel a little bad about it, but a sense of relief has hit me, being far from home. Further than normal, anyway. I mean, our little suburbian town can get tiring. Crowded with bad feelings. My dad and I haven't taken a vacation in a long time. Being away for the day is exhilarating.

"Cole, we're on Curtis Avenue."

He nods.

"Yep. What about it?"

"We're so far!"

He frowns.

"Are we too far?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"No no. It's expensive!"

The Uber was already driving away.

"You paid for that?"

He waves me off.

"Shut up. We don't talk about it."

I feel awful. I guess it's the inner-Asian in me. Fighting for the check is in my blood.

"There's a bunch of boba places around here, or there's a burger joint. There's also a Starbucks, or a good Italian place, according to Yelp."

"I could go for some boba," I say.

"Called it. I knew you would choose boba. One point for me," he says.

I roll my eyes.

"Boba was a given. And you're such a dork."

"I don't know. I just feel like being one for once."

I honestly kind of like it, but boys can get so big-headed so I keep my mouth shut.

We get our boba and begin walking around.

"So..." I begin. "Talk to me. How have you been? I feel like we haven't talked much this week. Not much outside of rehearsal and stuff."

He sighs, and his energy seems to be slipping away.

"I guess being away from everything is giving me a high. But most days aren't like this. Elle is okay, I guess. Not better, not worse. But the body can only take so much."

I watch the sky.

"I admire her," I tell him.

He nods, and my words are losing effect on him. He's losing hope.

"She's tough," he says.

We stop at a small park where he shrugs off his backpack and takes out a blanket.

"Wow, you thought this through," I say, pleasantly surprised.

"Hey, I know how to take a girl out."

Wrong thing to say, but I do my best to hide my grimace. Yes. He's...he's dated a bunch of girls. We get it. I get it.

I'm not his first. I know that. But he's mine, and I guess he doesn't understand, but girls typically don't like being reminded that there were others before her.

Maybe he forgets that he's my first. My first everything.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks.

I blink out of my thoughts.

"Looking at you like what?"

"Like you're...I don't know."

I sigh, shaking my head.

"We need to work on your adjectives," I say. He chuckles at this.

"I was just thinking," I begin. "You're my first everything. First date, first kiss, first boyfriend.

He smiles.

"And?"

"It's such a new thing to me, being a girlfriend." I say. "I don't even know if I'm doing it right." He seems to be taken aback.

"I've never thought of there being a 'right' way to have a relationship. You just...have one."

I shrug.

"I just...don't want to mess it up."

"You can't," he says, his cheeks tinged pink. "You're so good, Brianna. I can't imagine you ever ruining...us."

I laugh gently. Sometimes his view of love seems so young. Love can be ruined by anyone. 

"Good," I reply. "I don't want 'us' to be ruined."

"Then let's make a promise," he says, smooth as ever. He seems like such a book character right now.

"A promise?"

"Yes. A verbal contract."

I watch him curiously, wondering how he's going to present this verbal contract to me. He locks eyes with me. Suddenly, I'm scared.

"Wait," I break in before he says anything. He frowns.

"What?"

"I need to think about what we are going to say. We can't make it spur of the moment. Promises aren't just words. They have meaning. They're special oaths to another person."

Cole is looking at me with a strange look, but I can tell he understands.

"Okay, but...why does it stress you out so much?"

I break eye contact.

"I don't want to make any promises that I can't keep."

I feel the weight of Cole's gaze on me.

"I understand, Brianna," he says, his voice low and almost hesitant. I don't look at him quite yet. "And you're right," he continues. "Words are meant to have meaning."

I meet eyes with him again, and his are so kind that I want to look away. But I don't.

"Thanks, Cole."

"Hey, all I'm doing is waiting. It's not that hard."

"No, I mean thank you...for not laughing."

His gaze softens.

"Of course," he tells me. "I've got you, Bri. Remember that."