Bittersweet

Year Six: My First and Last Love

"I hate this so much..." I whispered softly to myself, hating how I felt so weak and fragile. "I-I hate this, I c-cant." I cried out.

"What do you hate?" Yena questions, holding onto my hand to stop the shaking.

"Liking Minjoo. It's making things too complicated." The grip on Yena's hand became tighter, having my other fist clench up. I start shaking even more as I keep blurting things that I shouldn't even be saying to her. I hadn't expected to blurt this out, but I can't control myself. "I can't stop thinking about her. She's the only thing that's ever on my mind! Whenever I'm around her, I can't help but turn into a mess. I feel so embarrassed that I want to avoid her, but I can't because I like her so much. To hear the words friends all the time hurts a lot. Friends, friends, friends! Why?! It's driving me crazy, I can't."

I could tell that Yena hadn't expected this outburst to come from me either. Silence ensued the area, but I couldn't blame her. It's a lot to take in. "I'm really, really sorry that you're dealing with this. I know how it feels and let's just say that it feels like shit." I wiped off some of the tears from the corner of my eyes, looking up at Yena to see her staring at me sadly. "W-What do you mean?" She's experiencing this too? How come I never noticed? Am I that too involved and absorbed with Minjoo and my own problems that I didn't even know?

"I'm just... l-lets say the same thing is happening with Yuri and I," she was being cautious with her words, and for what? Why does she sound so cautious about what she says? I didn't want to ask her and make it sound like I'm pushing or pressuring her to tell me, and I wasn't.

"I-I... I don't even know anymore." She sniffled, taking a deep breath in. I could tell she was having a hard time as well, just like me. "I-I'm just very scared. I don't want to lose her. We're so... close, and I don't want to ruin that. The smallest thing, such as confession can change a lot of things." Yena chuckled bitterly for a bit, having a bit of tears in her eyes. "Shit, this talk was supposed to be about you, not me. I'm sorry," she apologized, making me wave my hand at her, physically telling the latter that it was okay. "No, no, it's okay. We're going through the same thing, I think it's good to let this all out."

"Well yes, but actually no."

I looked at her confusingly, what did she mean? "Y-Yeah, our situations are similar, but... I-I, I don't even know if I should say this." Yena stumbled over her own words, contemplating whether she should say it or not. "It's alright, we're close, aren't we? You can trust me. I told you about my problems, so tell me about yours," I reassured her. "Alright..."

Yena sat up and straightened her back a bit, trying to calm herself. "W-Well, I've always been there for her, I've even told her that I liked her. Actually scratch that, I told Yuri that I loved her. The only thing that she says is 'I'm Sorry.' Throughout our years at this school, I've been telling her since my fifth year, and she always responds with the same thing! If she's really sorry, then why the hell does she keep responding with I'm sorry every freaking time?! It hurts, I c-cant." Yena covered her face with her hands, not wanting me to see her in this state. I try removing her hands, but she refuses. I could hear her trying to keep the sobs inside, not wanting me to hear or see it. This is really different, I've never seen Yena like this before. I've only seen her with a happy face on, never a sad one. I didn't know what to do. This is really important if Yena isn't smiling at all. Without that smile on my face, I could feel the happiness deplete from the world. She's like a vitamin that gives the world it's sun.

Yena sighed weakly, biting her lower lip as she's lost in her own head. She's really hurt and it shows. This escalated quickly from my problems to hers. 

"Yena, everything will be alright. Please don't be sad, smile for me, okay?" I come closer to her, wrapping my arms around her body for a tight hug. The latter clung onto me tightly and began to squeeze me as she began to sob into my shoulder. "It's okay."