When I got home I just rushed through my HW and took my ball out. Sadly Aunt Lizzy doesn't have a basket or a court, but dribbling has always calmed me down. I find that I write best or think best if I'm dribbling. My mind can race and my hands can keep busy without provoking me to think about it much. So I headed out to our driveway to just think...and dribble.
Michael confused me. He wasn't at all what people claim him to be. Sure he was a jerk at first, but... he wasn't always...? I don't know and I don't care. Michael was a complicated web I didn't want to get tangled in. And Addy? She seemed nice, but I can't risk getting hurt by her. Melody seemed to be genuine and nice but still she could turn out to be a backstabbing jerk. Liam was well, hot, and nice, but... again boys are jerks. I can appreciate his looks and talk to him in Math, but that's it!
Ugh!!! Lilly really cut me deep. And all my classmates, and teammates, and... I just need to make my point clear, I am not there friends, nor will I ever be!
I heard a noise coming by the drive way and I look up to find... Addy? She's driving a worn out lime green bug. She climbs out of the car and runs over to me. "Hey!" She hollers as she runs across the drive way to where I'm standing. I'm rooted to the spot, suddenly wary of what she might want. "Hey!" She repeats, "I just got news from coach..." she stops to catch her breath. "He moved tryouts to tomorrow after classes!"
I finally stop dribbling my ball. "I'm the gym?" She nods. "Right after last period?" She nods again.
"I'm just trying to tell everyone I know. Supposedly their making an announcement tomorrow, but you should get a heads up."
I straiten up waiting to see if she would say anything more. "Is that all?" My voice sounds venomous and I almost regret it when I see the expression on Addy's face. Almost, but not quite. I'm only doing this to protect us and our fragile trust from each other. I want to make it clear that I am polite in school
Because I have to be. Outside of school I want nothing to do with anyone.
"Y-ya, that's all." I give her a look before she turns and flees the situation. I wait until she turns the corner before I sigh in relief and walk back inside. I'm done with thinking.
***********************************************
That night James and Jordan Skype after dinner. James sounded tired and worn out I couldn't help but ask if he was ok.
"Ya I'm fine," he waved me off with one feeble shake of his hand.
"Dude," Jordan cut in. "You can't lie to Jersey." He turned to face me and I see James shake his head, grimace and look down. "He's been having trouble sleeping. Keeps waking up because he's so sweaty. Plus he's been getting a bunch of head aches."
James shakes his head, "c'mon dude, it's nothing"
"Well," I interject. "As of right now it doesn't sound serious, but James you don't look to good. Maybe you should talk to mom-"
James cuts me off with an aggressive, "I'm fine!" His face softens when he sees the hurt etched onto every line of my face. "Look Jersey, I'm fine. Mom and dad have been really stressed since you've left, and I don't need them worrying over me. Especially when there's nothing to worry about."
I nod in understanding feeling guilt clench at my gut, "fine, just promise that if it does turn into anything serious you will tell mom." He nods and I turn to Jordan, "you keep a good eye on him." James groans and Jordan grins.
"Anyway," James says at an attempt at changing the subject, and just this once I let him. "How was your first day?" I groan and smash my face in my pillow.
"That bad?" James looks at me with concern but Jordan only roles his eyes.
"There's this boy-" I stop mid sentence at the looks my brothers have. Hopeful but protective. I've never dated, but I know my family wants me to find someone. The boys want someone else to laugh at me with and someone else to play basketball with. Plus they just want me happy. Knuckle heads. "It's not what you guys are thinking. He's a jerk and annoying, but he's in my creative writing class. And his locker is right next to mine." I replay to the boys my day.
James looks at me severely. Then to my surprise he scolds me. "Look Jersey, I know how you are. After what happened with Lily and Mallory your not going to let anyone into your life again. Just because one person hurt you, doesn't mean everyone will. Please make the best of your situation and make friends."
I look down at my hands not saying anything. "Guys I-"
Jordan cuts me off with an intensity in his eyes, "Just promise you'll try Jersey, please? Do it for me and James." I nod solemnly. To anyone else my actions would appear as if I just signed my life away to the devil, and in a way I feel like I just did.
In a small voice I say, "I'll try" James and Jordan look like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders as they express their gratitude. I say my goodbyes and hang up.
While lying in bed I couldn't help but contemplate the promise I made to James and Jordan. I said I would try to let people in. But what does the mean? After thinking more, I finally decided I would start by not being cold to everyone as I planned. I would be nice and not search for friends, but if Addy or Melody wanted to hang out I wouldn't say no. I'm not going to trust people, at least not consciously, but I will talk to them. Starting tomorrow, I was going to turn over a new leaf.
YOU ARE READING
Hustle Heart
ChickLit"You just got to hustle to keep up. If your fast enough, good enough quick enough...If I was better, quicker, slicker maybe I could have..." "Look, what happened with your brother was not your fault. Sometimes in the game you drop the ball, and the...
