Irondad and Spiderson oneshots. [discontinued]

Tony finds a bra in Peters backpack

By canonknight on Ao3
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Tony's heart fell out of his chest.

A bra fell out of Peter's backpack.

A bra.

A lacy, blue, thin bra. It was haphazardly spread across the floor.

He quickly dropped the backpack. It wasn't like he was snooping or anything. Peter just left his backpack on the sofa and wanted to grab a soda before they started working on their latest project in the lab. Tony picked up the backpack to put it on the desk and the bra just fell out of his backpack.

Tony's mind raced a million miles a second. Why did Peter have a bra? He didn't want to think about the kid's sex life but at the same time Peter was fifteen. Tony tried to recall his fifteen year old adventures, some nights hazy from a full night of drinking whereas other nights were full of scantily clad women.

Tony recalls closed bedroom doors and so many firsts happening with Claudine, Nadia, Steph-

He stops his memories right there. Was Peter sexually active? If so, who was the woman behind this lacy, blue, thin bra?

Tony stares at the bra on the floor. Peter had Spiderman duties, had the fake internship turned real internship with Tony, and on top of all that was his high school work piled onto his daily life. Where did he find the time to be sexually active?

Then again, ten minutes was all you needed to really-

Tony stops thinking before his mind goes places he doesn't want it to go.

But assuming that Peter was active, did he know all the rules? Did he know that he should use protection?

Tony's father never really gave him the talk. They never really talked, period. When his dad figured out from the newspapers that Tony was caught in between women, he just threw Tony a box of condoms one morning and said "Don't get anyone pregnant." and that was that.

Should he follow that same line of instructions?

"Hey Mr. Stark, are you ready to go?"

Peter stood in the doorway. His soda in hand, he looked at Tony with barely concealed excitement. Peter loved working in the lab. He loved tinkering with things and more than that, it was fun just watching Mr. Stark work on his projects.

Tony snapped out of his train of thought. He looked at Peter, fifteen year old Peter, with his big brown eyes and his curly hair. Peter who was basically a teenager with the energy of a toddler who had just woken up from a nap. Peter was still a kid. And he didn't have his box of condoms to throw at him right now, so how would he deal?

Tony wondered if he needed to be the one to talk to Peter about this at all. He was just Mr. Stark (he wanted to be Tony but the kid really didn't want to let up on that whole thing). Why does he have to face this awkwardness?

Tony looked at the bra on the floor. Why did Peter have to have half-opened backpacks and why did he have to have a bra inside the backpack anyway?

"Mr. Stark, you okay?"

Tony ran a hand through his hair. He tried to justify that Peter was just Spiderman turned intern but he tried to think of the consequences if he didn't give Peter the talk.

Tiny Peters running around the lab, asking a billion questions in one second and destroying his life's work. Peter carrying a baby in his hands, wondering what to do when it cries. Peter quitting Spiderman and being his intern to take care of Peter Jr.-

A talk was in order.

Peter had now started walking towards Tony, whose face was in a blank stare.

"Hey, buddy, why don't we sit down?"

Peter stared at Tony.

"Okay?"

Tony lead Peter to the kitchen counter. Peter sat on one of the stools. Tony grabbed the nearest bottle of liquor he could find and poured himself a drink.

"Um, Mr. Stark, if this is about the-"

"So, we need to have a talk."

Peter's cheeks flushed.

"You're a teenager, I understand. Things seem exciting and fun at first but you have to remember to be safe, okay?"

"Mr. Stark, I-"

Tony placed a hand on Peter's shoulder. Awkwardly. Peter wanted to dart to the nearest exit.

"It's okay, alright? I mean, when my father found out about my sex life he just threw me a box of condoms and told me not to get anyone pregnant. I mean, I would have done the same with you but you kind of sprung this up on me on such short notice."

Then Tony took a sip of his liquor and started rambling.

"I mean, I could probably go to my room and grab one but what would I do if Pepper were here? Tell her I had to give it to Spiderman because he suddenly decided to get sexually active?"

Peter's face turned bright red.

"Mr. Stark!"

"It's okay, kid! I mean, it was either this or the risk of tiny little Peter Parkers running around the lab, destroying my life's work, you know? So, I'm assuming you're smart enough to know how sex works but remember to always wear a condom. I don't want you catching STDs from whoever the owner of that very lacy and very thin bra I found in your backpack. They may say that you're their first but women lie, you know?"

Peter stopped being speechless for a second. His face was still flushed but confusion filled his thoughts.

"Mr. Stark! What are you talking about? What bra?"

"The bra in your backpack! Why do you even have it in the first place?"

Tony took another sip of his liquor.

Peter stood up and walked over to the sofa.

"So, kid, who's the lucky gal?"

"May!"

Tony quickly looked back at Peter.

"Kid, that's kind of disturbing. Why are you dating someone with the same name as your aunt?"

"No, I meant the bra is hers!"

Tony choked on his liquor.

"That's even more disturbing. What kind of relationship do you have?!"

Peter groaned.

"The normal kind! Sometimes the laundry gets mixed up. I must have accidentally picked it up while grabbing my other clothes. It happens."

Tony stared at Peter. His baby boy was still a baby. He wasn't having sex. It was all just a misunderstanding. His mind whirred.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. Mr. Stark, I can't believe you tried to give me the talk!"

"Well, what was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, ignore it and pretend it never happened?"

"That seems unhealthy."

Peter stared at Mr. Stark. This whole situation could have been avoided.

"Well, at least I know your aunt is still as foxy as ever."

Peter flushed with embarrassment.

"Mr. Stark!"

"Alright, kid. I'll stop it with the jokes. Let's pretend this never happened and go to the lab. That good?"

Peter rolled his eyes. His cheeks were still flushed but the worst was over. At least they both agreed never to speak of this again.

Tony released a sigh of relief. Peter was still a kid after all.

"Besides, Mr. Stark, Wade would never get pregnant, so you can relax about tiny Peter Parkers running all around your lab."

Tony spit out his drink.

Peter ran to the lab before Tony could give him another talk.

"That little shit!"