Feelings | Bakudeku

30 - Uncomfortable

Izuku's POV

"Izuku..." Kacchan says a few feet away from me. I stop my feet from moving forwards, knowing I can't escape this. My head leans down as the blonde moves closer to me. Once I see his feet in front of me, I can't help but let a few tears fall from my eyes.

Katsuki wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I feel the warmth of his body and instantly more tears fall down my face until I can't stop them anymore. The flood gates open and I cry into Katsuki's shirt.

"Izuku.. What's wrong?" He asks me softly.

"I-I'm... sorry..." I say as I cry in between words.

Today has been an interesting day.. I've given thought to how I am feeling and now I know that I have to be honest with Kacchan. I don't understand why I don't feel comfortable around him but I can't just keep avoiding the topic. My cries are from the relationsation that this could be the end. I may never have the blonde this close to me ever again...

Katsuki starts leading me into his dorm, so we won't be so much out in public about this. My tears become less and less as I sit on his bed.

"Deku, why are you sorry?" he questions with a confused look on his face.

I sniffle a little and take a deep breath. Anxiety churning in my stomach.

"Katsuki... I've been thinking about everything. We have been dating for a while now and something seems off with all of this... I'm not comfortable around you, I can't even take a shower while you're in the bathroom. I get too nervous. I still stutter and blush like crazy. I don't say certain things because I get scared you'll be annoyed or mad. And I.. don't know what that means for us..." I say, tears in my eyes, wanting to escape.

I look up at the blonde and his face is emotionless. I don't see sadness or happiness, it's just nothing. I can't read how this is affecting him.

Please just say something...

"Deku.. get out" he says so quietly, I could barely hear.

"W-What..."

"Get out" He says a little louder.

I just stay there, stunned that he didn't even want to talk about it. He wants me to... leave?

"Are you deaf? Get the hell out of my room!" He yells, pointing to the door. I quickly scramble to my feet and go towards the door.

I look back and see Katsuki's hand on his eyes, seeming to be stressed or upset from this.

I slowly open the door and exit the blonde's room. Tears fall from my face as I try to walk back to my room.

All this feels familiar... as if this had happened before. Katsuki kicking me out of his room, me going back to mine crying while falling into the floor. Before it was because Kacchan wasn't ready... and I pushed him to be, I made a big deal of it... yet here I am, saying I'm not comfortable around him...

Is it over now? What's going to happen to us? Katsuki didn't say anything... and it worries me. Maybe he's done with me. Maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

I wish I knew what was going on. What is going on in his head.

This is my fault, I ruined everything. It was going so great, we didn't have the normal troubles other couples had. We didn't fight a lot, except for the occasional disagreement.

Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I just be comfortable?

I go into my dorm, closing the door. Not knowing what the future holds or what is happening in the present.

Shit... I ruined it...