I Was Never Not Inlove With You

Sunflowers in Her Room

She always leaves the door open every time she let's the giraffe in.
You wouldnt know it,  but she is very conservative too. Afraid for people to think theyd be doing anything bad inside the privacy of her abode.
I wouldnt have thought they had already finished practicing. The tiger has proven to be quite a hard-worker, that sure makes up for her lack of skill, nil of it. She heavily feels the weigh of leting timothe down, when I first met her,  she appeared like she would be a lot tactless, it felt like she was too stupid to filter her words and actions and that she would just take people around her for granted,  I saw her as self-centered, I thought she was too sure of herself,  even for being a master of nothing. Being a jack of all trades, I used to huff at the thought of her being one as well because,  there didn't seem anything that she was able to master.
I believed being a jack of all trades,  you should also master things.
But there is actually one thing she is a master of, that is,  being a very genuine and caring person.
She saw Marithe cry once, her son was at the hospital,  but being a person who thinks that her job is top priority,  she couldnt quite go, next time we all know,  the whole family is at the hospital courtesy of the tiger girl. She said,  she really likes children and wants to see the young handsome boy the soonest possible.
Talking about things genuine,  I could quite see it as well,  but when left to her own devices,  she had all sorts of pretty emotions going,  in front of me and Maia,  she was just emotionless  but observing her when she could not spot the two of us around, I cant believe she can pull off her mask of apathy and senseless frankness.
She is actually innocently and stupidly kind.
And as I've just witnesses,  she gives the whole of her heart.
It is dangerous,  her having no greed at all.
In a life like how I've learned she had, I can't quite fathom how she still survived.
Selflessness is very dangerous
especially when dealt with people who would be oh so ready to take advantage for you.
To lie and disrespect you.
To control you out and about.
And indeed she was taken advantage of,  from what I have heard.
Unlucky when it came to so many things.
That is Gaia.
Her life had been a tumble at every passing corner,  and gawd no, I can't hide it from myself anymore.
How much I want to protect her.
How much I want to make everything alright for her.
How much I want to turn all her pain to happiness.
But I recently just learned that another has already promised her all that before.
But instead of delivering,  he was only just able to add to her things of sticks and stones drushing her bonea,  and heart, and soul.
She's broken, quite a strong brolen one.
She is mustering all her strength for much more that will break her.
Hiding who she is to not let more people see how easily you can break a gentle heart.
Maia doesn't even feel the same as she does towards her anymore, If I was too observant for my own good, that had always been Maia's one true strength.
Tried to fool as all she could but this girl, now I get the reasin why my mother seemes to have liked her all along starting from the beginning.
Now does my Pawpaw's stupid idea start to make complete solid sense.
Now I feel that all of this really just roots from his love,  not only for Maia and me,  but also for these two, wonderful self-made friends he got to have.
Young tattered souls.

Never not in love with E.
How do I face a challenge that big and tall and thick like the walls in that anime series she likes to watch.

Where do I fall? 
But knowing that I do not give up on challenges, and that my feelings are starting to get too strong for me to just let her keep on breaking like that,  the real question is, where do I insert myself in.

Then there's Timothe.
If I were to be the one who saves her,  even if she didn't need saving,  then I should be the one doing those things as such as comforting her,  am I right?

"No,  you're wrong,  if you started comforting her when you have those sort of feeling for her, you will just awaken love for her who is yet to be ready. You will just be breaking her some more -- And yes,  you said it out loud. "

I can't say my mouth didn't fall open at being caught by Timothe.

"What did you hear?  Since when... "
"I heard pretty much, and I have known for quite a time now, those sunflowers in your hands I've heard quite everybody in this mansion talk about them in different occassions, maybe only your sister is yet to know about your  adventures to deliver them to your lady's room. Quite a beam of pride crosses Pawpaw's face every time he hears the words in the air."

My blood rushed to I don't know where, but my head had only always known how to prioritize "Then how come you are comforting her when--"

"I dont feel towards her the same thing as you do. She just is a gift of image of my sister, sharing the same things she likes, the same feelings and morals inside"

I fell silently thinking again,  I was aware of his inquiring looks but my head was suddenly too busy to note his presence.

"I am sure the reason for your change of heart is her own genuine one. Such a great persona, a great clay model created from the image and heart of our maker. You are one as well  from what my eyes can see. I will really be happy if I saw it worked out great for the two of you.
In time, if you could wait out some more. I will leave you with your flower vase, so many realizations,  thus things to do for me. Aja! "

I put my vase of sunflowers the same place I put them everytime, on the table where I can still see her face while she sleeps soundly -- without having to go inside her room.

This time,  instead of just watching her breathe from afar, I inhaled and summoned all of my courage to come near her. I sat down beside her bed,  studying her lips. They waved in softness when she chews her food fondly. How soft would they be if they moved like that.
Her nose arent as feminine as I would have like,  still they look so perfect in her small round face. Her eyes, are a bit like mine,  alminf ones but round in the inside corners, they sparkle from there.

From them comes her happy happy smiles and laughs,  none which was for me.
How I wish.

Gaia Nicola S.  Montano
if your whole heart still belings to that damned Ethan, what can I do for you to at least just notice me?
Even for just a bit,  a fracture of a second when will you stop seeing him and finally grant me a glimpse.

I moved my fingers to touch her cheek, the very same moment she sleep-talked.

"Oh Alex, it drives me crazy how you smwell just soooooo nice, pleaseeee donttt go nearr meee" wait --what?
"No,,, not your perfume, youuuuu smwellll sooo goood"
she whistles her last breath as she turns around on her bed, seemingly to stop being able to smell me.

Not a glimpse but a smell?
What a night of pondering this will be.
Maybe two, or three, I give up on guessing how many!!!