Ain't Nobody (Loves Me Better)

5. The Turning Point

If Ethan was honest, he'd admit that the conflicting feeling he was having wasn't something quite new either. Distance sometimes happened, but when they were younger, when their world didn't quite become so big, having each other was something of a given, no matter what they were fighting about. Friends come and go, but EthanandGrayson was forever.

The thing was, as they keep growing, more and more differences between them seemed to pop up. Their dad said that was good, that means they were growing as people. After all, they were always two different people, no matter how much they look alike, with their own likes and dislikes as well as habits and thoughts. They're still the closest person with each other, always brothers and best friend. As much as they grow and change, nothing can erase the years they have together. They can still grow closer through their differences, he said.

Ethan didn't think their dad was right in this, not right now.

Sure, in the beginning, their differences complemented each other, both in life and filming. They were each other's crutch, what one couldn't do then the other would. They lifted each other up, bypassing the standards they both set together. Both of them, despite all the banter and petty fights, were still in harmony. They never had anything like twin telepathy or anything, but they also didn't need words to know how the other was feeling or thinking.

Now, it felt like they became too different that if they weren't brothers, they might've broken up. Left each other's life, like everyone else in their life that wasn't family. Arguments that escalated in ways they never did before. A disconnect between them that never happened before.

No matter how different they were, there was a connection between them, always there, always felt, never gone.

This feeling of disconnect, this was what he was afraid of. He wasn't even sure if it was because of their differences or if there was another reason for it, he didn't understand. Grayson is still Grayson, he knew that, but they were slowly, gradually losing their sync and Ethan wasn't sure what it meant.

He was familiar with the feeling of not fitting in, of being different from other people, of having trouble connecting with people he even claimed as friends. It was familiar, feeling alone in a group of people, aware that the people he surrounded himself with might not be forever. 

But, with Grayson, he never had to try. It was there, always. They were the closest person each other has. It was supposed to be forever. But, right now, it felt like he was trying to hold onto a fraying rope, trying to claw his way back while his hold was disintegrating under his fingers.

Desperation was truly an ugly feeling to have.

-----

"Okay. Love you, bro"
"Good night, I love you."
"Love you, peace."

Ethan had been saying them more often lately, much more than he ever did. The last time Ethan said those three words as often were when they were young and didn't think much about saying them practically for everything and every day. Grayson knew Ethan started saying them more often lately just to calm him down, especially since their arguments have been worse than ever. Just so they were leaving that argument still 'okay' with each other. At least that meant Ethan knew he was annoying and pretty much being a grade-A asshole. And, as long as Grayson still said it back, Ethan knew he was still forgiven, that he could still be forgiven. That things were still 'okay' between them, even though strained.