Moving Forward

Chapter One

"Why can't she leave me alone?" I sailed the phone across the room, letting it slam into the cupboard. I waited for the case to clatter into pieces or at least for the screen shatter, but nothing happened. Just silence.

Today marked eight years since the death of my twin brother Malik. He was twelve when he drowned by our favorite beach, Store Bay. To make things worse, it was my fault; I was responsible for playing that stupid game.

I'd stuck a picture of both of us on my mirror for memories, but today made me feel worse. Every time. I glimpsed at it, all the gory details of his death resurfaced. And this was only the fifth time this morning. I tried to forget but I just couldn't. Flashes of his dead body floating in the water resonated in my mind like it happened yesterday.

Malik's face flickered across my mind. His tiny voice telling me how disappointed, how angry, how ashamed he was of me for leaving him like that. I swallowed, raking my fingers through my uncombed hair. I couldn't breathe right, my chest fluttered with anxiety, and with pain. But the noise wouldn't stop. His noise, his cries. I needed it to stop.

"One..." Come on... "Two..." I sucked in a deep breath. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. "Three..."

Guilt was my enemy. It toyed with my mind. Why couldn't it be me? Why couldn't it be both of us? Why did I have to endure this? Why?

I scrambled from my dressing table and fetched the box of soft tissues from my bedside table. My nose ran, dripping onto my lips. Even the air was twice as hard to breathe through it. Dabbing the corner of the napkin to my eyes, I wiped whatever moisture I had left in me. Nothing could be worse than this -- worse than losing a twin and having to relive it every year through birthdays and death days. Oh, God...

"Oh, dear God," I sniffed. "Why?"

Every year around his death and my birthday would be the same -- the night terrors, the cold sweats, the tears, and the horrible regret of what happened that day. Any other time besides those times I would only endure night terrors. It happened once in a while but not as often as it would around these dates.

But I also had my parents to blame. They would always call to remind me about it. Things got so bad in the early that I had to move out at age eighteen from their house. They emotionally and physically exhausted me with their sick obsession with fixing me. A simple job as a secretary in a law firm was all I needed to get the heck out of there. God, I was glad the day I got the keys to my own apartment!

Solitude was my safe haven. It kept me sane and I didn't have to worry about friends and family reminding me every day about Malik.

My attention turned to the corner where my phone landed, it was still vibrating. Ugh, why! I wished it had shattered into pieces. No-one knew how sickening it was to be reminded every year that I'd lost a brother. No-one!

Most of the calls came from mom. She always called to see if I was okay, but it always ended in an argument. The remaining calls were from dad. He wasn't as bad as mom... It's just that he had a weight; an emotional one that made me feel awful at times.

The vibration sounded like a bee buzzing in my ears. I took it up, almost switching it off, but Anya's name caught my attention.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to clear the grogginess in my voice.

"Maliah! I was calling you earlier! Sup? Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I was busy doing something." I lied.

"Oh..." she paused, probably assessing my voice. "Are you still coming in today?"

"Nah, I already told Mr. Blackmon I wasn't coming in."

"Really, and you didn't tell me?!" Her voice laced with disappointment.

Anya was the only friend I had. She worked at the firm as an assistant lawyer to my boss. She knew about Malik but didn't bring him up or talk about him too much. A topic about Malik with others always meant a mental breakdown. Conversations with foreign people on a whole always stifled me.

"Sorry, it slipped my mind." I honestly forgot to tell her. I'd been so off lately.

"No biggy! I know what's with you today. So, are you going to the beach?"

"Yeah, I'm getting ready to go right now." I was already dressed in my pink sundress and just needed to fix my hair.

"Ok. Well, take care, message me when you're home hun."

"Ok. Bye."

The beach was normally quiet during the week and the sun wasn't at its peak in the mornings, so it was easy to relax.

After brushing my hair into a neat ponytail, I adjusted my dress. The straps were a bit loose-fitting and my bosom was a bit more exposed than usual. It was only when my bedside clock beeped on the hour I noticed it was nine o'clock. Shit! Diving for my backpack, I clumsily slipped on my flip-flops and bolted through the door.

I was a bit out of breath from my brisk walk since the nearest bus stop was a few meters away. Without another second to spare, the bus appeared from around the bend stopping right in front of me. Talk about perfect timing.

"Early morning beach?" Mr. Peter, the driver asked.

"Yeah." I handed him my ticket and stepped lightly to the back of the bus still huffing an air or two. Man, was I unfit. The bus was fairly large with blue patterns and cushioned seats.

Within fifteen minutes, I hopped off and strolled towards the entrance. My legs froze immediately when the atmosphere around me thickened. People were gathered in groups and laughing loudly. The car park was stuffed with foreign vehicles and coolers were everywhere with liquor and drinks atop it.

My faint heart palpitated at the sight of the mass crowd. "Oh God, no."
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