Days of Summer - a Starkid fanfic

Chapter 17

Izzy's POV

I blinked as the sunlight woke me. What time was it? I shot up when I realized it was almost two in the afternoon. How had I managed to sleep through my alarms? It was too late to even think about going to class, my last one was going to end soon. The wounds from last night stung as I moved and the events of last night came back. I buried my head in my hands. Shoot! I never planned for Lauren to find out... this changes everything... what was I going to do?

"Good you're awake." I turned to face her. She had a worried expression on her face and she looked like she didn't quite know what to say. I couldn't meet her eyes. They looked completely disappointed. She sat at the edge of my bed and I moved to give her more room. No one had ever found out, I had always been so careful. The silence lasted for an eternity and I refused to look up at her. "Why?" She finally asked.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. She waited for me to continue. Should I say something? The silence was so awkward. But I don't want to talk, I don't need to. I'm fine. "How long have you..." She can't even bring herself to say it. Stay quiet, if she doesn't know then she'll be protected. She can't know! "I don't... I'm sorry." I stopped again. She stayed silent. If I could trust anyone, it was her. And that terrified me. Here I was, forced to trust her with my secret, but I didn't think she would tell. "I... I um, a few years ago... I don't know exactly... I just... couldn't take it and... it helped... I never wanted you to find out... I'm so sorry. Please don't tell. I'll do anything. Please... I'm sorry... please...." I kept rambling, not entirely certain what I was saying, and she stayed silent the entire time.

Finally my stammering came to a stop. I looked up at her, surprised to see her crying. "I didn't mean to make you cry... I'm sorry... I keep messing things up, I'm so sorry." I handed her a tissue box. She blew and laughed sadly at the noise she made. It sounded like a dying elephant. "Don't apologize. I just don't want to see you hurt. Um, I have to change the bandages." I shook my head and pulled my arms to my chest. I couldn't let her see them. It made no sense, she already had but knowing she could stare at each wound made me uncomfortable. "I have to make sure they don't get infected. I'll be as quick as possible."

I slowly held out my arms. As carefully as possible, she unwrapped the bandages, and scanned the wounds. Luckily none of them reopened, so she wrapped them a bit looser than before. "You're gonna have to... either take off or lift up your shirt so I can check the ones on your torso." I sighed and lifted up my shirt and allowed her to change the bandages on my ribs and then my thighs.

"Thank you." I said softly. She let out a small sigh. "Can you try to explain?"

What was I supposed to say? I couldn't explain the rational for it. And I don't think any rational person would do it... I guess it's backstory time. "It started... I don't know exactly, it was kind of a gradual thing... I've always felt... alone... my parents were always the negligent type. They did kind of raise my brother, but I was more of a surprise, so when I was born, my brother practically raised me. He... resented me for that... and when he died, I didn't have anyone. Some other stuff happened and I started..."

"I'm sure someone cared, even if it didn't seem like it. What about friends? Or your parents didn't step in...?"

"What friends? I had none. I was practically invisible, even the teachers didn't know who I was. And our classes only had twenty to thirty kids. Almost everyone acted like I didn't exist. Like it wouldn't matter if I just... disappeared... honestly I think I'd be doing everyone a favor. One less person to waste stuff on. Should have done it sooner. And now it's worse..." By the end I was talking more to myself, so quiet I didn't think she heard anything I had said. I started up again "As for my parents, they blamed me for his death." The guilt rolled over me. It had been my fault. I forced myself to continue. "They couldn't really look at me. Mostly stayed at work. I don't blame them." I sat lost in thought and was startled when Lauren pulled me into a hug. Immediately I tensed up, not really used to such acts of affection. Even though she's very much a hugger, I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to it. "I won't tell for now. But I want you to give me all of your blades. Can you promise me, if you ever feel the urge or the thoughts come, talk with me; or someone... please, promise me."