Who doesn't like a laugh?

Chapter 8- Wrinkles, Wit & Wisdom

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been busy sorting out what im doing in the future as I stupidly got kicked out of sixth form at school, oh well.

Anyway chapter 8 is finally up and I hope it makes you laugh, as always :)

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I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm pleased to be anywhere.

Age is a question of the mind over matter. If you don't mind, age don't matter.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

Two weeks ago we celebrated my uncle's 103rd birthday. 103-isn't that something?  Unfortunately he wasn't present. How could he be? He died when he was 29.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

Birthday's are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

Birthday's are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to high school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm.

Q- You know what the worst part about getting old is?

A- Your face?

Growing old is like being increasing penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it's isn't for you.

I've started wearing cardigans and saying things like "whoopsadaisy", and when I take a sip of tea, "Ooh, that hits the spot"

If, at the age of 30, you are stiff and out of shape, then you are old.

If, at 60, you are supple and strong, then you are young.

Signs you're getting on a bit: your back hurts; you eat food past its sell-by date; your carpet is patterned; you go supermarket shopping in the evening to pick up marked-down bargains; you can spell; you hang your clothes on padded coat hangers; you save the free little packets of sugar from the café; you have worn something knitted; your car stereo is turned to radio 2.

You know you're getting old if you've got more fingers than false teeth.

One of the signs of old age is that you have to carry around your senses around in your handbag- glasses, hearing aid, dentures, etc.

You know you're knocking on when you get to the top of the stairs and can't remember what you went up for. So you go back downstairs to help you remember what you went upstairs for. You finally remember what you went upstairs for so up you go again but when you find it you have forgotten why you wanted it.

You're getting old when you stop loving snow and sweetcorn.