Rejected for another

2. Lost

I woke to a pounding headache and a blocked nose. I let out another sob as I replayed last nights events through my head again, taunting me. I hugged my quilt tightly as I felt my heart twist in agony. My mate and my sister are having a pup together. It should have been me! I silently cried as I lay there. My sisters happy face kept flashing through my mind as she lovingly rubbed her stomach, oblivious to my pain. What will her true mate do if he finds her? A male wolf wouldn't tolerate another males pup around. I don't even think I will be able to tolerate his pup, my own niece or nephew.

A knock on my door disturbed me from my thoughts.

"Yeah." I called out with a croaky voice, my throat raw from a night spent crying.

"Are you feeling OK?" My dads voice sounded. "You don't sound too good."

"I don't feel too great dad, I'm going to stay in bed for a while longer." I explained, buying myself some time. I couldn't face them right now, especially Daniel. 

"Do you need anything?" Dad asked in a concerned tone. "We have some paracetamol if you need some."

"I'm fine dad, I just need to sleep it off." I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, silently thanking God that I at least remembered to lock my door last night.

'Well ok then." He sighed. "Call us if you need anything." I heard his footsteps disappear as he walked away.

I knew I couldn't hide in my room for the rest of my life, but I could at least hide today. I needed to try and sort through my feelings right now before I saw them again. My heart constricted once again at the thought of facing them. I rubbed my chest a little harder as if the motion would soothe the terrible ache away.

My phoned beeped, pulling me away from my depressing thoughts and I rolled over and picked it up from my side table and unlocked it. It was a message from May asking to meet up later for a few drinks and she was happy to have me back. I couldn't force myself to smile or even feel a bit of excitement at the prospect of having fun with the girls. I let out another sigh and sent a quick text back telling her I was Ill and would catch up with her later. I put my phone on silent placed my phone back onto my side table and rolled back over and shut my eyes, praying for sleep.

I don't know how long I lay there as I stared blankly at my white wall, but it was getting darker so it must have been more than a few hours. I haven't even heard any noise in the house while I lay here. It was deathly silent. My stomach growled reminding me that I haven't eaten but the thought of putting food anywhere near my mouth made me heave. Instead I ignored my stomach and continued staring at my wall. It was blank. Just how I felt at the moment. I welcomed the feeling of nothingness as I stared. Maybe I should move out again, take my old job back and try and move on.

I picked up my phone again. Seven missed calls, twelve messages, eighteen Facebook notifications and nine Whats App messages. It looked like I was popular today. I opened my Facebook app and immediately wished I hadn't. My chest felt tight and started its familiar ache again as I looked at the photos of my family and my mate. My sister had uploaded several photos of her and Daniel smiling lovingly at each other, his strong hands laying protectively over her small bump. They were obviously at someones BBQ as I scrolled over the rest of the photos, each one of them killing me a little more. More photos showing how happy they were together, photos with my parents as they laughed with one another. I growled at the last one. My claws and teeth sharpening as I felt red hot rage fill me as I looked at the photo of my mate and my sister caught in a passionate kiss, a hashtag saying 'truelove' above it. 

How dare they! I threw my phone at the wall, not caring if it broke. I got up and raged around my room, picking up everything in my path and throwing it against the walls. The sounds of chaos satisfying my need for violence. My wolf agreed, we needed this. I wanted, no needed, to tear this perfect room apart. Life was not perfect, why should my room be? Once everything was laying in broken pieces and fabric lay torn and ripped across my room I felt a little satisfaction at my outburst. I knew it was childish and I knew I would have to clean up and replace it, but it felt so good right now. And I needed a right now, right now. I was breathing harshly as I admired my handiwork and sweat dripped down my face. But I still needed wreck something. My eye caught my phone laying next to the wall and I walked slowly towards it. I needed to see. I knew it would hurt me but I just couldn't stop myself. 

My hands shock as I bent down and picked my phone up. I looked it over and noted the crack in the screen but it was otherwise fine. I unlocked the phone and sat on the edge of my bed and chewed on my nail as I opened the Facebook app once again, gearing myself up for more pain. Others had uploaded photos of the BBQ and tagged me in them, forcing me to scroll through photos of the happy couple. The more I looked the emptier I felt, the rage that consumed me moments ago appeared to have never existed. There was no way out with this. I had lost my mate to my sister. I could see how much they loved each other in those photos, how they gazed and secretly smiled at each other as if they shared a secret. How could I win in this?

I put down my phone again and scrubbed my face and took another quick look around my room. I needed this cleaned up before anyone saw it. I looked around and felt guilt as I remembered all the hard work my parents had lovingly put into this room. What had possessed me to take out my anger on a room that my parents had put together for me, was I going feral? I pushed away that thought, not liking it one bit. I didn't want to be put down. Being announced as a feral was an instant death sentence, they were erratic, violent and dangerous to other wolves and humans. It was rare that wolves turned feral, but it did happen and now I understood why. Nobody really talked about how wolves turned feral and I wondered if it was because their mates didn't want them. 

I quickly stood and walked over to my door, placing my ear against the wood listening for any noise to signal that they had come home and heard nothing. I unlocked my door and rushed downstairs and headed for the kitchen, ripping open a drawer and pulling out the black sacks. I slammed the drawer shut and rushed back to my room, my heart racing in fear that the front door would suddenly burst open. My heart  started slowing as the lock of my door sounded making me feel safer. I rolled open a few black sacks and started filling them up. There would definitely be questions, there was no hiding this. Once done my room looked mostly empty, sort of how I was feeling right now.

I felt completely lost.