Dear Ludmilla

Chapter 7

                                                         It was now the Christmas holidays. A cheerful time for everybody, filled with lovely decorations, delicious food and people gathering together to feel the peace, cheer and goodwill which wasn't present at any other time of the year. Well, almost everybody.

                                                         Ever since Ludmilla vanished and revealed her true form to her friends, Ben wasn't the same. For some reason, when before he used to love hanging up the decorations for the tree or making Christmas cookies with his mum, he felt nothing. When someone asked him what was wrong, he snapped at them to leave him alone in peace. Going to Central Park to walk his dog seemed like a chore now: before he used to revel in the forms of the leaves of the trees and the petite petals of the flowers. Now all he felt was overwhelmed and all he saw was other couples huddling up in the cold, holding hands as they walked and talked about all sorts of things, feeling the snowflakes hit their noses and laughing about it, hugging and kissing each other and having playful snowball fights. Even the victory of the last baseball match before they left school for the holidays failed to serve any joy to him. Actually, every time he remembered that day, he just felt even sadder.

                                                         His mother got so worried about her son's new state that she literally pushed him out of the house and personally called Brittany and Micky to meet him at their Starbucks to treat him. Ben walked out with his arms crossed, huffing all the way. How dare his mother interfere, how dare she arrange meetings with his friends for him, how dare she pretend to understand him...

                                                         "Hi, Ben!" Brittany chirped out cheerfully. She was careful not to sound too cheerful as she didn't want him to think her insensitive. Micky awkwardly did a small wave, before realising no one nobody was taking notice and slowly lowered his hand. The newly formed couple were both a little scared of Ben. The new Ben was like a bomb: if you didn't handle it in the right way, it will explode and hurt others. They plodded into the café, letting Ben go first, of course, just in case he'd rage about one or both of them being in his way.

                                                         While they ordered (they all took cappuccinos but to switch it up a bit, Brittany ordered a blueberry muffin, Micky fancied a Double Chocolate Chunk Brownie and Ben just took a plain bagel), they moved over to their table by the window and talked about random things. It was mostly Brittany and Micky doing the talking though, because all Ben was doing was looking out the window staring at the people passing by, tracing hearts repeatedly  on the table.

                                                         When Brittany had had enough of this, she kicked her boyfriend under the table. He glanced at her in confusion, only understanding what he had to do after she gave him a meaningful look. He cleared his throat nervously, and gripped the tabletop hard for support. Nobody ever knew just how far Ben could go with his frequent outbursts, so it was best to have something to defend yourself with (or something to hold on to, in this case). His friends had learnt that a little too late when three things happened: Ben had called them names (He referred to Brittany as something so offensive she burst into tears and locked herself in the girls' bathroom for the rest of the day. He had called Micky worthless many times those holidays), he convinced the leaders of their extracurriculars to kick both of them out, and (worst of all), when they were out on a date, Brittany got soaked in dirty soap water (Ben had hidden behind their bench to see whether they were happy or not. It made him so mad that another couple was having happiness (that he could never have now), that he couldn't resist stealing a bucket of cleaning supplies mixed with dirt and pouring it over Brittany before running off. Where he had gotten it from they would never know.) and it left so much residue that when trying to clean her off, when he got up from the bench, Micky slipped and broke his ankle, which was still bound in a cast till that day.

                                                                         "Hey buddy...about 2 weeks ago, let's talk about it, shall we?" He winced as he said these words and then turned away from him as he squealed the last part of his sentence: "Calmly!". Ben glanced away from the window and faced his friends. He realised what they were getting at, but he wouldn't let them. Two could play that game. Faking nonchalance, he uttered out in his most dangerous calm voice:

                                                                          "Yeah, it was awesome a fortnight ago. We won the biggest victory for our school for the past six years. And we beat Minnesota for the first time in a decade! So yeah, awesome..."

                                                         His voice trailed off, and he knew he hadn't convinced them at all, but he gave them a glare to scare them out of talking about the thing which hurt him most. He made sure that his hard look conveyed his desperation and pain. Many people say that eyes are the windows of the soul. There was never another time that Ben wished that that fact was true. He needed to show them, the two people who understood him (or used to, anyway) more than anyone else in the world, that it would break him if they talked about her. With his eyes, he begged them, pleaded them not to say anything related to Ludmilla...

                                                          Even just thinking of her name, tears came into his eyes, but he hoped his friends hadn't noticed. It was his problem. He would get over it in due time. He didn't need anyone to play therapist for him. No one would ever understand this. Surely somebody would know that? 

                                                          This time it was Brittany who spoke up. "I know you're missing her, Ben. Don't bother to hide it. It's ok, everyone has the same reaction losing someone that they love. You're allowed to process it, Ben. You're allowed to cry."

                                                            Complete silence for a while. Ben knew that he was busted and that with one single speech, she had broken down his defence walls. And he didn't like it. He had to regain control of the situation. Laughing forcefully, he wheezed out in an unnatural voice:

                                                                            "Oh, you're talking about Ludmilla! Ha! If she decided to leave, then it's better that she's not here. She's gone now. She's GONE and there's nothing we can do about it. I promise you both this, I haven't thought about her once since 2 weeks ago! You think that one girl is going to reduce me to the point of depression?! Well, guess what?! You're wrong! You're BOTH wrong!"

                                                           

                                                             And with that, he shoved the rest of his bagel into his mouth, and stomped out of the café, hoping that they wouldn't follow him. He'd cool off on his own, he knew that. He just didn't know when that would be, and if no one wanted to stick by him throughout it, well, they could go to hell for all he cared...