Life of a Mean Girl ✓

28 | if i die young

❝If I die young bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn.❞

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MAVIS

The circumstances under which Jessamine and I met were weird, to say the least. I punched a scrawny boy who thought it was hot to harass girls who liked to smoke and it didn't settle well with me. We understood each other, I knew what she had gone through and she had an inkling of what I went through.

Because of this, we clicked. She was one of the few people I liked, and even more respected. She knew what she wanted and did everything in her power to go after it. Some people would call her selfish but I saw it as determination. Maybe we connected because coming from a broken family myself, I could see how every shitty thing that happens to you could affect you. Some people let it make them but we let it break us, and that's what I saw in Jessamine Lockhart, a broken girl, who craved attention.

Sure, Audrey came from a broken home herself, but she didn't understand the pain of rejection. She didn't understand how much it affects you when your family gives up on you. She still had her father, even if he was 6000 miles away from her. He still wanted her.

Taking all of this into account, I wasn't the least bit surprised when she called me to accompany her to the visit to the prison instead of Audrey.

Not even a little bit.

***

JESSAMINE

I enter the empty room with Mavis ambling after me. A guard positions himself in the corner of the room, his hands behind his back and adopts a threatening stance. Mavis starts to say something when I shake my head. This is not the time or place. She pouts, expressing her childlike grief. We sit down on the metal chairs provided to us and wait.

It's a few seconds before someone shuffles into the room. My gaze meets my mothers' unwavering one. The first thought that pops into my mind is that she looks frail. Her skin is deathly pale, while her luscious blonde locks are now brittle and dry. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm happy to see her like this. Finally, she's gotten what she deserves. What about you? What do you deserve? I squash the irritating voice at the back of my mind and focus on my mother.

"Hello Jessamine, it's so nice to see you. You look good, did you change your shampoo or-"

"Let's get to the point. I know you didn't call me here to discuss my shampoo. Frankly, I'm a little perturbed by the fact that you did think of me," I spat. My mother chews on the inside of her cheek before looking back at the guard who brought her in. She gives the guard a questioning glance who nods in response.

I'm unsettled by the whole situation. I know she wants to tell me something, I just have to find out what it is and then hopefully, I won't ever have to come back. I won't ever have to look into the same blue eyes which caused me so much pain, which shattered my self-confidence, which reminded me every single day just how worthless I am. "What is it?"

She tries to grab my hand but I instinctively pull it back, and the guard steps forward. "No contact."

My mother looks down at the steel table, and when she lifts her head, she has this helpless look in her eyes. "I'm dying, Jessamine." It's like someone has thrown a bucket of ice-cold water all over me but most of all I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Should I be overjoyed that once and for all, I'll be rid of her? Should I be sad that I'll never know what it feels like to have a mother? To have that unconditional love provided to me which only a mother can give?