Tear in My Heart

But it takes someone to come around

"Now isn't that just adorable." I hear Mark say as I'm waking up. I look up to see Mark, Josh, Brad and a few others hovering over us. I glare at them and try to break free from Tyler's arms. He's still asleep and right now I think thats the best thing for him. I push out the guys from the room and we all sit down at the kitchen table. Brad's making up coffee while Mark is passing out cereal and bowls. I look to Josh who's sat down next to me and smile. I pull my legs to my chest and lean my head in my lap looking towards him.

"Hi." I say whisper with a little smile.

"Hi" he responds back. He puts his hand on my back. I can feel my muscles jump but force myself to stay still. I don't want him to know. I don't want to cause a scene or Josh to ask me anything. But he notices the look on my face change. He has a questioning look on his face and pulls his hand away. I wish it would've stayed. There's now a Josh sized hand print on my back that is cold without him there.

The boys all eat for a bit but I'm not hungry. I grab a banana and after a little while, go to sit on the beanbag chair. Josh follows me and asks if he could sit next to me. I make room and we sit together.

"How's he doing?" Josh says with concern in his voice.

"Hopefully a bit better today. But you didn't tell me how bad it was." I respond looking back at him.

"Is it that bad?" Shit. He doesn't know. He should know but I don't know what to say. Before I can, Tyler comes out of the bedroom and comes over and sits on top of us.

"Tyler I swear to god. Get your boney butt off me right now" I say laughing. He laughs. God I missed that. Thank god he's laughing. He needs to be happy.

'You love me and my butt Lex. Don't you forget it" he says with a wink. I push him off and he lands on the ground. With an "ow" from him and a few laughs from the guys, I go to change clothes and get ready for the day. As I'm putting on my jeans, Josh walks in.

"Oh shit sorry. I didn't realize you were changing." He says averting his eyes and turning around.

I laugh, "No worries buddy, you missed the show, you're good. You can turn around."

He turns but has his hands over his eyes so I walk up and pull them away. We're dangerously close but we just stare at each other for a moment smiling. It sparks a few butterflies in me but I know that it can't be genuine. I mean, we are too good of friends. 

Just when I think he's going to say something, I hear Tyler shouting at us to see if we wanna look at the photos Brad took last night. 

"We're good. We'll be out in a bit." Josh hollers back, still less than an inch away from me. He grabs my hand and pulls me over to sit on the bed that Tyler and I slept on last night. 

"So Lex, how long do we get with you?" 

"I really only have until tomorrow." I say and I can swear he almost looks upset about it. 

"Well do I get any Lex time or is all for Tyler?" he asks me. This is weird, we're close but Tyler and I were always closer. 

"I'm right here now aren't I?" I say, chuckling. 

"I just want to make sure you're okay." 

"Why do you and Tyler think somethings wrong? I'm fine!" I say forcing a little laugh to try to further emphasize that I was in fact alright. But they know better.

"I know better than that Lex. I'm not gonna push but I'm here for you. I care about you and so does Tyler. We want whats best for you." he says enveloping me in a hug. 

"I care about you too. If there's anything I can do for you Josh, I'm there." I said and I meant it.