The Wonders of Dreams

The White Dressed Girl On The White Porch

The dream took it's place on a porch outside of a small white house. Although it was small, outside there was a huge backyard with a playground, a bean stalk that went all the way up to the clouds, with a big muddy pile. A fence was around of it keeping the green grass and mud inside.

I was standing on the white porch when just then i turned to the left and there was another girl standing directly on the other side. She was looking back at me as well. I looked closely for a while and i knew exactly who she was. She was a girl with short red hair and freckles on her face. She was also wearing a white long dress with sleeves and lace with bows on the ends. Only one year younger than me but smarter in every way imaginable. I haven't seen her in real life for about a year now, but I missed her so much and keeping in contact was difficult. I was so happy to see her and at that moment I felt this overwhelming feeling you get when you're so happy you're whole body starts to melt and feel in a state of shock all at once. 

She then smiled so bright and skipped over to me on the other side. (In real life she always skips so this is normal. It's important to know this so you're not confused later in the dream.) We talked, but I don't remember what about. I just remembered we were both really happy at that moment. Then she skipped onto the grass and left the porch and telling me to come where she was going in the grass. I then remembered i turned around for a second and a piece of clothing came off of me. I don't remember what piece or why. It just did and i desperately tried to put it back on but it would just slip and fall again. I then grabbed it and held it against me so it wouldn't fall off again. As i did that I made my way over to "my friend" as we would use in this situation to make sense.

I made my way to her and we walked in this beautiful scenery with pretty green grass and blue skies. In the distance there was this huge beanstalk that went all the way up to the sky where there were a few clouds. It went up hiding the sun. We were all alone just walking smiling, and holding hands. We then spotted a playground with a swing set, slide, rock climbing thing, (I don't know what it's called) and a sand pit. I found mud near the swings because it just so happened I stepped in it. And It was DEEP. When I stepped in the mud it went all the way up to my thigh. I got out of there, but then my friend found something. She pulled out this deformed version of my most prized possession, which was a stuffed animal named, "Knuffle Bunny". She then just threw it on the ground and I thought of nothing but disgust towards it. Don't know why I felt that way, but it just felt natural to do so in the dream. She then left me skipping towards the porch while i stared at the beanstalk for a long while it felt like.

After looking at it a while she came back and tapped on my shoulder smiling. I turned around and there where LOADS of people on the white porch now. I looked at her, and although this sounds ridiculous, believe me I know it is, but believe me. It sounds silly too, but she was pregnant for some reason??? I didn't question it at all??? I just went with it. Which is really weird now that I look back at it. We both then made our way back to the porch, but this time she left me and was talking to other people now. I then thought this was my moment to reach the beanstalk so i ran really fast towards it. When I reached the white fence I was really scared to jump it for some reason. I hesitated so much that I started to sweat in my dreams. I looked behind me and there was no white house, people, playground, or my friend anymore. It was all just grass for miles. There was just a white fence that i was scared to jump over so I could make it to the beanstalk I so desperately wanted to go to for some weird reason. Then out of nowhere another version of me was standing in front of me but they had really messy hair. They then choked me for no reason at all, and I was trying to breath but I couldn't. We were both smiling and happy. 

Then I woke up.

Thoughts and illusions to what my dream means:

First of all, I woke up with my throat hurting real bad, and I was unable to talk for a very long long time. So that was really weird. And second of all, that girl was my ex, but our relationship ended in a good way just so ya know. But besides that I wanna go into possibly what this dream could mean? I was very confused when I woke up so here is me trying to explain what it meant by looking through multiple websites. First I'm going to name the main elements I remember quiet vividly and put what they mean besides them to get that out of the way.

The Color White - "associated with purity, where you are unblemished and not marred by anything, rendering you pure."/"sign of mourning and emptiness"

Mud - "can't get out of problems in our life."/"trouble we can get ourselves into"

Tall Plant - "comfort"

Clothing Falling Off- "you have no discipline or control."

Messy Hair - "preparations for a romantic encounter or an almost secret appointment among lovers of a long relationship"/"emotions of insecurity"

Grass - "personal growth, changes and deeper insight into your own soul."

Fence - "frustration of wanting to enter something"/"keeps out what you don't want coming in."

Being Choked - "Feeling emotional suppression in a relationship, or being unable to honestly express oneself"

Seeing Myself - "if smiling they may be conveying the message your inner self is trying to set free. You are trying to make sense to yourself but you may not know how. So therefore  there are two sides you have to listen to but you cant tell which one is better."

My theory: Throughout the dream I am constantly wanting to get back together in a relationship with my former partner because I miss them so much. But I'm not letting myself accept the fact that it's over and I can't move on even though I know that we can only be friends from now on. Hence seeing the color white which my former partner was wearing symbolizes mourning meaning i'm not done feeling sad about everything yet. So after I meet her a piece of clothing comes off of me. That could mean I can't control how I feel about them, or feelings towards them. Due to the mud we find, that is possibly saying I got myself in this whole situation I can't get out of where the situation is I can't stop this unhealthy feeling of want to have them back. I just have to act like everything is okay when deep down I know it's not. Me being choked in the dream says exactly that. and the messed up hair my other self had meant I was longing to get them back as well. While this is all happening I constantly want to reach the big tall plant/beanstalk. Now that I know it symbolizes comfort, this whole time I was trying to run away from my problems and to get somewhere safe to avoid this whole situation. News Flash. I can't no matter how hard I try because this fence stopped me. Because deep down I know I need to handle this situation but it would only be worse if i just run away from it.

Summary: I am longing to get back with my former partner but I am constantly trying not to feel that way because I wan't it to be over. At the same time I can't accept the fact that it's over so I end up having a situation where I am constantly feeling sad and don't want any help towards the whole situation even though deep down I know it's the right thing to do.

Even Shorter Summary: I hav smol pity party 

8/10/19