Prelude (The night I died)

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Love, stood on the top of the marble stairs that led up to the entrance of the mansion that she had just spent the past few hours, sharing her body, and her soul with several beautiful strangers. She was so stoned, she felt numb. Her body didn't even feel cold, even though she stood on the top of the stairs half dressed, in the middle of a very chilly, windy night by Los Angelos standards. She had managed to get most of her clothes on except her shoes and her blouse that she was still trying to pull over her bra. She wondered, "how did the best day of my life, the greatest win of my career, end up with me standing out here half naked on some stranger's staircase, waiting outside, in the middle of the night, for either the police or an ambulance to show up and respond to my 911 call". Love was hoping the police didn't show up because there were enough drugs back in that mansion to get a small country high. Being that she was an attorney and considered an Officer of the Court she didn't need to be caught leaving a drug den, half dressed in the middle of the night. Still despite all the craziness of the night she still felt no real fear, except for the few moments that she thought the handsome stranger she had met that night was not going to let her leave. In fact, she thought, surprisingly she felt pretty good, considering everything she had done; she felt no pain, no sadness, not even disgust over what she had just done. She just felt sort of numb emotionally and physically. If it wasn't for that phone call she had just received she would probably still be back in that room upstairs with those beautiful, but sort of sad, extremely sexy strangers. But the call she received a few minutes ago had changed everything. Now the only thing she could think of was fulfilling a fruitless promise she made to the mother of a girl she barely knew, and a girl that she suspected was probably already dead. This she was accustomed to, doing her duty, while feeling nothing inside, and remaining emotionally detached. That was what had always made her so good at what she did. Most times she felt nothing. She felt nothing intentionally. Numbness is what she had strived to feel emotionally most of her life. The only difference was that tonight, after all the drugs, alcohol and sex, she was also feeling physically numb. But some part of her deep down knew something must really be wrong with her to not feel something emotional inside after all that she had been through that day.

Now that she thought about it, she had been feeling numb on the inside, and detached from the world around her, ever since, ever since, well ever since.... Nana died, almost twenty years ago.

Love's mind was racing with one thought after another, non- stop, while she waited outside on the stairs leading to the mansion behind her, but her very last thought before she died was, "what was the name of the strange man I just spent the last five hours making love to? I didn't even get his name."

Then suddenly she "felt" something pierce through the numbness. She felt a sharp pain run through her entire body. In that moment her whole body felt incredibly alive again. She felt sort of like she had just been electrocuted. The pain she felt intensified, and then it just wouldn't stop. It was then that Love knew, she knew she was going to die. At that moment she also knew it was too late to change all that she had done, too late to finish everything she had left undone, and it was too late to keep the promise she made to the mother of the young lady who was her client. The strangest thing was at that moment she felt as if not being able to keep that one promise was what she was regretting the most. Then the pain that pierced through the numbness continued, and Love felt like her heart couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't think anymore, and finally she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. Love felt her frantically beating heart that she thought was going to burst out of her chest, suddenly start to slow down. Time was up with no time left for regrets, apologies, or goodbyes, she grabbed her chest as she felt her last heart beat, and she thought to herself, "so that's the kind of stuff one thinks about the moment before they die." Then Love felt herself falling into darkness. Her body hit the ground, but by then she didn't feel the impact, she didn't even feel her body anymore.

The paramedics found Love sprawled out on the ground of the front steps of the mansion, with no blouse and no shoes on. They realized she wasn't breathing and her heart wasn't beating. So they responded immediately with CPR, on the stairs, and then again in the ambulance while they rushed her to the hospital. They were giving her emergency treatment in the ambulance and it appeared that her heart had stopped from a possible drug overdose and excessive alcohol consumption. She had a needle mark in her thigh that was still very fresh and cocaine residue under her fingernails. The paramedics had no idea how long her heart had been stopped before they had arrived and they were working hard to get it beating again.

When Love opened her eyes she realized she was someplace else, she wasn't on the front steps of the mansion anymore, she was in the hospital. She thought she saw someone familiar inside the corner room at the end of the hallway. Then she realized it was Mary Sue, her client. She walked towards Mary Sue's room and stood by her bedside. She wondered when and how did she get there? The last thing she remembered was waiting on the stairs outside for a 911 response to come pick her up. Love began to talk to her client and fulfill the promise she had made to her client's mother. Then Love swore she also heard something else in the room; something even stranger than seeing Mary Sue; yet the sound was so familiar. It was Nana's voice. Now Love was sure.  She was positive that she wasn't in a hospital, but that she must be dead, because she heard Nana's voice as clear as a bell. And as real as this scene seemed to her, Love "knew" her Nana was dead. After all, Love was right there standing by Nana's bedside on the day Nana died.....

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