Back in a small jail cell in the middle of nowhere, Hope tried her best to hold on to her sanity. She stood there staring at her foster father, part of her knowing he was an hallucination, but still she was ready and wanting to fight him.
He just sat there and laughed at her. He said he wasn't there to fight her, that he wanted to talk. She told herself to turn around and ignore the hallucination in front of her, because her rational mind knew he could not exist. The man that stood before her was simply a figment of her imagination. The sum of all her childhood fears, brought forth by her exhaustion, isolation and confinement. "I'm not going to believe what I am seeing, he's not real and I'm not going to continue to have a conversation with someone that doesn't exist. This is not real, this is not real, this is not real! I will not respond anymore to something that is not real. He does not exist. He is a figment of my imagination!"
"Hope, I do exist, and I told you I'm not going anywhere. Why should I? You know you really want me here. In fact, you practically yelled out my name with all your cursing and hatred. Admit it, you want me here. If you didn't really want me here, how could I be here? You wanted me to come to you. You want to fight, to hate, to kill and I know all about those things. See we are made for each other. We are one and the same. No one understands you like I do, and no one ever will, Hope. Look Hope, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Hey, maybe you are right, maybe I'm not real. Maybe I am just a part of you that you've summoned forth to help you get out of this situation you've found yourself in. Maybe that's why your old foster daddy is here after all. After all, every girl needs her daddy in rough times like this." He gave her an evil smirk and a sickening laugh fell off his lips. "So what are you thinking, little one?"
Hope looked up at him and as much as she told herself he didn't exist she couldn't help responding to what was before her, be it real or imagined. "You want to help me? How could you help me; why would you help me? You never did anything to help me before, all you ever did was only hurt me."
Then she quickly shut herself up. Hope told herself, "stop talking to him. Do not respond to something that you know is not there! Even if I'm hallucinating, along as I'm aware it's a hallucination, I'm not crazy and I'm still sane."
"Well, I know you hate me Hope, but whether you believe me or not, I loved you. I just wanted you to be all mine. The only way I thought I could ensure you would always just belong to me was to spoil you for all other men that may have come along after me. See, I knew if I did this that every time another man would come close to you, you would remember me. And it worked didn't it?"
He waited for Hope to respond, but she didn't say a word.
"Now I wish you could return my love Hope, but at least you still remember me, remember the hatred you felt for me. I'd rather you hate me than forget me. So, I knew even after I was long gone that I would still have power over you, and that your memory of me would keep you from all others and eventually bring you closer to me. And my plan was perfect. That is evident by the fact that I am here talking to you at this very moment. You still belong to me; mind, body and soul. By the way, do you know if the rebels do come for you, how they torture female soldiers? Your trainers have trained you for the possibility of gang rape, haven't they? Well don't fret at least I've prepared you in some ways for it. I know that must be your greatest fear, being raped again, but see that is my greatest fear too. I don't want to have any other man touch you, feel you the way that I did. I was your first and I want to be your last. I intend to be your last. Therefore, I have come to you with a solution. They will come to you in force most likely. Despite all the training you have been practicing and preparing for, you know deep down you will not be able to physically overtake more than one or two of them by yourself. You must know they will torture you, they will rape you and they won't kill you until you have told them everything they need to know. So, I propose the only solution is, to take control of the situation, take matters into your own hands. Don't wait for them to come and torture and kill you, take your life into your own hands. Just like Jesus use to say, no man can take my life, "I lay it down." I think it is what Jesus would want you to do in this situation. You can also do that; you can lay your own life down, before they come to take it. Hope, do it now, before they come for you, before you no longer have control over your fate. Besides, being dead isn't that bad. After all I'm dead and I'm still right here talking to you, ain't I?"
Hope couldn't take the sound of his voice anymore and she started yelling. "Shut up, shut up, you hypocrite, shut up!" That was one of the many things that made Hope hate him so much. It wasn't just for the horrible things he made her do, it wasn't just that he raped her, sodomized her, demeaned her, and played crazy, sadistic head games with her that had haunted her all her life. She hated him most of all because he was a hypocrite.
In the beginning she believed in him. She believed he was a good man, and he had everyone else believing he was a good man too, even his own wife. She couldn't help but think back about all the horrible things he did to her and how he smiled that disgusting smile all while doing it. So many things he did, so evil, and so senseless. Like when he would bring the animals home from the pet shop that he owned to torture her with. He would wait until she fell asleep at night and sneak into her room and put a tarantula or a snake into the bed with her. Then when she would discover it, he would be the first one to rush into her room and he would tell everyone she was just having another nightmare. He would bring home one of the grown attack dogs that he bred at the shop, and have it lay on top of her in the basement. He allowed her to suffer through the animal drooling on her face and growling at her. Every time she would close her eyes he would say, "open your eyes and remember all I have to do is say one word and the dog will attack you." He had a boa constrictor he kept in the cage in the basement and he would force her to feed it the little bunny rabbits he would bring home for it to eat. He would force her to sit and watch while the snake slither slowly around the bunny and then suddenly wrap itself around it and squeeze the life out of the poor creature. He would taunt her in front of others without their knowledge, by giving her the nickname, bunny boo. He would remind her if she didn't behave, that one day, when the snake grew big enough he would put her in the cage with it when it was hungry. He would go into detail about how the snake's venom wasn't poisonous, but it's bite would still hurt, and how it may not be capable of swallowing her but it would try and suffocate her to death while trying. He would always laugh when he said and did these sadistic deeds, as if it all was just a big joke, a big game to him. Despite all that he did to her, still what she hated most about him was he was such a hypocrite, such a liar, and he had everyone but her fooled about what he really was. On Sundays he was the assistant pastor at their local church, but Monday thru Saturday he was the devil to her. Everyone at church loved and respected him. He would bring all the cute little puppy's and baby bunny rabbits to Sunday school for the little children to play with. Then they come home Sunday night, and he would make her feed the rabbits to his snake. He sold the puppies to the drug dealers and dog fighters across town. But he would tell his wife that he was giving the puppies away or selling them to good families that would take good care of them. He would take Hope with him on those cross town trips, and tell his wife how he was going to drop the puppies off to the different families that had adopted them. He would say how he wanted to expose Hope to seeing all the good homes and good people that were in the world.
His wife always believed whatever he told her. She was allergic to most animals and therefore couldn't keep them in the house, so that was another excuse for her husband to keep his pets in the basement, and for him to constantly take showers before he got close to her. His wife's allergies were also the excuse he used to have a reason for spending extra time with Hope. He would say Hope was his assistant in caring for the animals since his wife couldn't help him. So his wife was never concerned about what Hope and her husband were doing in the basement. Why would she be? She trusted him. She was also a very beautiful woman, with nothing to be jealous about, and Hope was a mere child who hadn't even blossomed into puberty yet. She never knew what was going on right under her nose.
On the weekends when her husband told her that he was taking Hope with him to deliver the puppies to good families, he was actually taking Hope with him to drug houses where he would get cash in exchange for the pups along with some drugs. Then the rest of the day he would force Hope to do drugs with him, and subject her to spending entire Saturdays in a drug house. Lucky for Hope he was too territorial to share her with another man, and she was usually so high she couldn't remember much of what happened by the time they were back at the foster home.
Unfortunately, Hope could not forget what he did to her in the basement of his house, because those times her head was clear and sober.
Another thing Hope hated about him was that he could also quote the bible all the time, just like Nana use to do. He would smile and laugh and hug a person in a way that made him seem like he was some kind of angel for God. He made Hope hate everything about church and God eventually. He was such a hypocrite and he made a farce of it all, and she had no more faith in the church, in people, or in God, by the time he was finished with her. So when Hope finally left his foster home she never again stepped foot inside a church. She never read the bible again, or even said another single prayer. She couldn't even bring herself to bless her food anymore. God was a farce to her. He just wasn't real. And as far as she was concerned all Christians were either weak, good hearted, naïve creatures like her Nana and her foster mother; or they were hypocrites that secretly had an evil heart that they hid behind religion, like her foster father.
So Hope decided when she ran away from New York that she would never again be weak or religious. She promised herself that she would become a strong, independent, fearless woman, who was the same person in public as she was in private; no pretenses, no secret intentions to hurt others, she would just be a good person who did good deeds, and she didn't feel like she needed religion or God to do good or to be strong in this world.
Up until this very moment in her jail cell, Hope had felt like she had at least accomplished that much within her lifetime. She was an overall good person, in her opinion. Yes she had killed before, but only in self defense and in defense of the innocent, but she had also saved many, many lives while in the military. She had sacrificed her own personal life to join this elite agency and dedicate herself to rescuing people who couldn't rescue themselves. She didn't do it for the money. She did it because it was the only thing she ever wanted to do. She had rescued, young girls being mutilated and held by drug lords and rebel forces all across the world. She rescued people suffering from ethnic cleansing by ruthless rebel groups. She had rescued hostages. She had stopped terrorist groups from killing thousands and hundreds of thousands throughout the years. She felt proud about her life. Time after time Hope volunteered for the assignments that had humanitarian aspects to them, and this was why she volunteered for this assignment.
This is why her troops, the men and women, who depended on her respected her so much. They knew she would do anything for any of them, and they had confidence that when she gave them an order, she would never lead them to do something which was wrong. Thinking about her troops made her think of what was to come.
She had to admit, her hallucination, well he did have a point. The enemy was coming for her and it was just a matter of time. She swore to herself she wouldn't allow them to touch her like he had, she'd rather die. He had put her through enough torture for a lifetime. But how could she avoid being tortured, being raped once they came for her. There was no way for her to kill herself in this cell. There was no rope to hang herself with, nothing sharp to cut herself with, no poison to take, no water to drown herself in, there was nothing....., unless, she just banged her head against the wall, over and over again, but she would probably just knock herself out for a little while and eventually wake back up with a terrible headache. For a moment she couldn't believe that she was actually entertaining the thought of killing herself. But even if she decided to kill herself she evaluated the situation and she realized there was no way to do it in there. So her only option was to fight and hopefully disarm one of her captives and use their own weapons against them. They would surely shoot back at her and kill her, and if they didn't she could save one bullet to shoot herself with. She rather die fast and fighting than surrender to her fate and face a slow torturous death. But she feared what would happen if she couldn't disarm one of them, or if they were smart enough to come in and get her without any weapons on them. Hope had been trained on what to do in these situations, but actually being held captive and imagining her fate was vastly different than just training for it. Just then she heard his disgusting voice in her head again. She looked up and he was still there, he refused to disappear.
"I know what you are thinking little Hope. Like I said, no one understands you the way I do. You are thinking, how? How could I take my life? After all there is nothing in this cell except you and me, and even my existence is questionable. You are probably weighing out your options. Don't worry you know I am smart, I'm crafty, I'm clever, and I always have the answers. Now, notice the chipped rocks on the ground. I'm sure you could find a nice sized one and scrape it against the wall long enough to sharpen the edges. You could do that. It may take a few hours, but eventually you could make the edges as sharp as a knife, if you were persistent. Then you could slit your wrist or make it quicker and go for the jugular. You're a military woman, that part I'll leave up to you to figure out. After all you were trained in the quickest and most efficient ways to kill people. And you've killed plenty of people during your military career haven't you? But hey we are talking about taking your own life now, you have every right to take your own life, it is your body. It is your right to do to it what you want, isn't it? That body doesn't belong to me anymore, from what you say your body belongs only to you, right?"
Hope did believe that to be the truth. Her body, her mind, her soul, only belonged to her now. Not him, not God, not anyone else. In fact she felt no man should tell any woman what to do with her own body. She hated to admit it, but he was really starting to make sense to her now. Then she reminded herself he was only a figment of her imagination. So she didn't respond to him. So Hope started spending her time feeling around the dirt floor of her dark cell almost absentmindedly at first. She did this for hours on hours, digging and sifting through the dirt, until she found the perfect size rock. It was already a little sharp. It already was shaped sort of like a shank. She thought to herself this is just an option. An option I am just considering for now.
For the next two days that went by Hope spent them awake. She sharpened her rock against other rocks and the wall, as quietly as possible. She would practice fighting when she got tired and the adrenal rush would propel her on. And repeatedly, he would reappear. She hated him, but he kept reappearing it seemed at the times when she was just ready to give in, relax and fall asleep. He would distract and agitate her and get her all worked up again and when she just couldn't ignore him anymore, she would scream at him to leave her alone. Then she would return to her busy work. For days straight she spent almost every single moment that she was not talking to "him", fighting the air and the walls, and sharpening that rock. Her hands were bleeding from all the scraping and punching the walls. Then one day she realized she had finally scraped herself a perfect killing weapon. Now the only decision left to make was whether she would use this weapon against her enemies or perhaps as "he" had suggested to her, use it on herself.
Whatever she did, it would be her choice, not another's. She felt a sense of satisfaction that she had taken control over her life and death again. She so desperately needed that sense of control again. She was no longer just a victim sitting and waiting for someone else to decide her destiny.
Hope had stayed awake from the fear with the help of the demon in her head and in her cell for three days straight. She suddenly realized that she had not slept in three days. She kept track of the days passing by, by the little stream of sunlight that was her only hope that there was a world outside her cell. That sunlight, her slightest hope fought its way to shine through the tiny hole in the brick mortar of her cell everyday like it was doing it just for her. She felt sick from the food they were feeding her. She felt cold from the lack of clothes she wore and the chill was felt down to her bones. She was exhausted from the constant exercise and from her worries about fighting the guards when they came for her. And "he" also had kept her awake with his constant reappearances to taunt her in her mind. She was afraid to go asleep. She thought, "who knows maybe another devil from my past will appear to mentally torture me in my dreams. Like someone I've killed." Hope was very aware that she was losing her mind and that made her more afraid to sleep. At any moment her cell door would fly open, and there would stand there men who hated everything she stood for, freedom and justice. They would be ready to rape her, ready to torture her, and ready to kill her. She looked at the stone she had crafted into a knife and she picked it up and just admired it and stared at her handy work. She thought to herself, "despite all of "his" faults and how much I hate him, he is a very smart man and some of what he said makes perfect sense to me right now."
It was then that he reappeared, as if he could hear Hope admiring him for just that moment in her head. "Hope, you look so tired. I know you've been thinking about my suggestion. I see you've finished. Looks like you did a good job. It looks very sharp. You know it's the best thing to do. It's the only way to save yourself from what is waiting for you outside that door. No matter how strong you have become, you cannot beat them all."
Hope thought he almost seemed like he was truly concerned about her. She felt within that moment that he was all that she had in that cell, all that was with her, and that he wasn't the same man who had tortured and raped her all those years ago. Maybe he did love her in his own sick way. She brought the shank closer to her wrist. She thought to herself she would cut her wrists swiftly and deeply. Then she would cut her jugular vein too to be sure. But she knew she had to do it quick, before she lost her nerve. So she took a deep breath, and prepared herself. Before she exhaled she slit her left wrist, the blood oozed out like water from a faucet, and she stared at it in disbelief. She thought, "did I really just do that to myself?" She felt so low and ashamed at how desperate she had become. And she started to weep.
It was then that a blinding bright light shined into Hope's eyes. She realized it was the first morning sun shining through that tiny hole in the wall. She happened to be crouching in the exact spot where the stream of light fell when the sun rose every morning. And the sunlight brought with it, a ray of hope, that maybe tomorrow she would be delivered from her captivity. And as if it just had dawned upon her, she remembered how much she really did love life. She remembered how much she loved her life and how she chose to live for others. Despite all the terrible things that had happen to her in her past, one thing she had never lost was hope of a better future, if not for herself
then a better future for the one's she would rescue and save through her missions. She remembered how her Nana would always tell her that, "she was a born fighter, she was a warrior, and a conqueror." She was the middle sister, but she fought not just the children that bullied little Faith, but also the bigger kids that teased her older sister Love. She was their conqueror, the strong sister out of the three, the brave one with enough courage for them all. Love was the smart one, the calm and responsible older sister that took care of them, and Faith was the innocent, little dreamer, and she was so compassionate, she was always taking in the strays in the neighborhood, trying to care for all of them. Hope thought about her Nana, her sisters, her troops, and she didn't want to give up and die she wanted to hold on to the slightest bit of hope that the sunlight brought to her that morning. Then she threw the shank against the wall, and she tore off her shirt sleeve and wrapped it tightly around her wrist. She hadn't cut deep enough to kill herself, but she was already losing a lot of blood. While she was bandaging herself to stop the bleeding, she heard his voice in her head again, he was screaming in anger, trying to confuse her again. She looked up and he was standing in front of her screaming.
"You coward, you stupid, stupid woman! You are pathetic. Now what are you going to do? You weak, simple minded slut! Well I'll tell you what if you don't have the nerve to do it; I'll do it for you."
Hope looked in his eyes and saw nothing but hate in them. She couldn't believe for that even one second she thought he might have actually loved her in his own sick way. Hope closed her eyes tight. "Go away, you're not real, so you can't do anything to me. You are just an hallucination, that's all." She kept her eyes closed, and repeated to herself, "he doesn't exist, he doesn't exist, get him out of your mind, because he doesn't exist."
When it was quiet she opened her eyes up, to see if her hallucination had finally disappeared. She looked around and he was gone. But then she heard a low growling coming from the corner of the cell. It leaped forward, and to her amazement and horror she saw a fierce Lion standing in front of her, ready to devour her, and it appeared so real she could feel it's hot breath on her face like the heat off of a furnace, and the smell coming out of its massive mouth was more putrid than any smell in this world. She jumped up in shock and the Lion leaped towards her. Then she fell backwards and hit the back of her head against the stone wall. She was lying on her back, when the Lion pounced on her, she was frozen with fear, it all seemed so real, but she knew it couldn't be. She blinked her eyes and when she opened them back up the lion had transformed itself into a dog, a jet black Rottweiler. Its teeth were glaring at her, and it's hot stinking drool dripping on her face. She kept closing her eyes, and telling herself, "it's not real, it's not possible". She felt the pressure on her chest disappear. She tried to sit up, but she couldn't, she felt paralyzed, she looked down, and she saw the dirt moving around her. She realized it wasn't the dirt moving. Then she saw its shiny head. It was a boa constrictor, at least 15 feet long and thick, and twice the size of the one "he" had kept in the basement, in his cage at the foster home. She couldn't move, the fear had her paralyzed, she couldn't even scream, not that screaming would have saved her anyway. The snake wrapped around her. She could feel it squeezing the life out of her, suffocating her to death. It was happening just like he said it would happen all those years ago. And she couldn't move, she felt like her eyes and her heart would burst from the pressure the snake was squeezing into her. This was her worst nightmare coming true, and finally she didn't scream out in pain, but she cried out in surrender, and her last bit of sanity had left her.
Now, to her all of it was totally real, as real as the prison which held her captive at the moment. Everything at that moment was as real as anything else in her life had ever been. Then just as suddenly as she had surrendered to the insanity, the snake was gone and "he" reappeared. He threw his body on top of her, and she felt him kissing her and groping her breast and penetrating her, she wanted to die now, she wanted to find that knife she had made and finish the job that she had started. She had lost her will to fight, and to scream, what was the point anymore; she couldn't save herself from this insanity. When it was over she had already decided she would find the knife and complete what she had started. She heard him whisper in her ear, the same things that he use to whisper to her as a child.
"Little Hope, just tell me you're mines, that you love and worship me and I will stop, I promise. I will stop this and I will take all the pain away."
Hope just shook her head saying "whatever you want, just stop, please stop", and the tears stung her cheeks like acid as she felt them fall from her eyes.
"No, I won't stop yet. I can't stop, until you say the words. I need you to declare it, say it out loud Hope. Say I love only you, I belong to only you, I worship only you, say it!"
Hope was about to yell out all that he demanded from her, in that moment of complete insanity, fear and weakness, but some unseen force bound up her voice, and kept it from her. She couldn't speak but her mind took her to a memory. A memory of her Nana....
She was little and back in church with Nana. Nana, was at the altar, like usual. Nana was praising louder than everyone else in church. Nana use to embarrass Hope and her sisters. She was so loud. Hope remembered Nana crying and yelling like she was an insane woman in front of everyone in the church, it was so embarrassing. Nana was yelling, "Jesus, Jesus, Lord help me, save me Jesus!", and then, Hope's voice suddenly returned to her and in one breath she yelled out as loud as she could,
"JESUS! HELP ME, SAVE ME JESUS!"
All of sudden Hope felt him fly off of her body, as if a strong wind had snatched him up and thrown him off of her. She heard him land in a loud thump against the wall. She kept her eyes shut tightly, too full of fear to open them, and then she heard not his voice anymore, but she heard another familiar voice in her dark cell.
"Hope, open your eyes Hope, open your eyes."
Hope opened her eyes as the voice commanded her, because she knew by the sound of the voice exactly who it belonged to, it was her Nana. Nana was standing in front of her tall, beautiful and strong! Nana was stronger and more beautiful than Hope had ever remembered her being. Nana stood before her all in white, and around her neck was that massive cross that hung over her bed all those years. The same cross that she was laid to rest with. Nana's skin was young and glowed so bright that it lighted up the whole cell. This was not the weak and sick Nana that Hope last memories of her were. Nana had thrown "him" off of her, and now he was on the ground injured in the corner of Hope's cell. Both Hope and him were staring at Nana in complete awe.
Hope looked at Nana in amazement. "Nana is that really you?"
Even injured and defeated he persisted in trying to deceive Hope. "Of course it's not her she is a hallucination just like I am silly girl. Maybe she can fight off the demons you have created in your mind, but she can't get you out of this cell, because she is not real, and neither am I. She also can't keep those guards from coming in here and raping and torturing and killing you, and neither can I because I'm not real. What is real is this prison, you and those guards, those men outside, they are real and only you can stop the guards, by finishing what you started and slitting your other wrist and your throat. Only you can SAVE YOURSELF! If you don't have enough guts to do it, to save yourself from the rape and the torture, than do it for your troops, don't allow them to see their leader demeaned and tortured to death. Remember Hope your Nana's bible also says, "lay down your life for your brethen".
Hope thought about her troops and what he had just said, but she didn't take her eyes off of Nana. She was too stunning not to stare at only her. Her presence was commanding.
Then Nana intervened and she turned to "him", and she yelled in a booming voice with full authority and confidence, "GET THE BEHIND ME SATAN!" And then Nana turned back towards Hope and she spoke softly to her beloved granddaughter. "Hope, remember what I taught you. Hope, "he" is a liar, a deceiver, and he is your enemy, but make no mistakes about it, he is real. Even if he is not flesh and blood, he is real, "for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places"
But Hope, God is also real, and God is here in me, I too am real, and Hope, God is in you. So remember if you lean on God, you are so much stronger than any evil that comes up against you. If you depend on God to fight for you, with you, you are the warrior, the conqueror, the survivor, I always told you, you are. God is the sunlight that has shined into your dark prison every day. God is the love and faith and hope, all in one that has managed to stay in your heart all these years. God is all those things and more. God loves you Hope. Remember when I told you I gave you your name, "Hope", a most beautiful of names. God told me to name you that. Remember all I've taught you about God. But now I want you to remember, that your life, your name, and all that I have taught you in the bible, came from God, not from me. I didn't make it up Hope. I am only God's helper, his messenger sent to you and your sisters in the beginning of your lives. That was my purpose."
And then the light surrounding Nana became so bright that it blinded Hope and she heard another voice that she recognized right away, although she had never heard it before, except only in her spirit, in her dreams. This voice instantaneously calmed Hope and filled her with peace. It was a soft whisper, like a sweet smelling wind, the voice filled all her senses, her mind, her heart, her soul and the entire cell with its sweet aroma.
"Hope my child, I knew you when you were formed in your mother's womb and I named you Hope and I loved you even then, and I declared you would be filled with Hope, united with Faith and with Love and have strength through Christ and be a conqueror for those you love. Remember my child Hope, neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate you from my love, the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus", then within a blink of an eye, the light was gone, and Nana was gone, but "he", the one who hated her, and tortured her as a child remained.
He still was on the ground, in the corner of the cell and he stared at Hope with a hatred and evil in his eyes that was stronger than Hope had ever seen in him before. Yet her strength and her spirit were renewed and she felt not one inkling of fear in her anymore. He now appeared to her as the weak one, and she was now the strong one, stronger than she had ever been before. He started to lift himself to his feet and he propped himself up on all fours like a dog. Hope summoned all the strength she had in her to bring herself to her feet to stand against him. She now stood before him on her feet in a fighting stance. He transformed himself into a massive cobra and like lightning leaped towards her. Hope instinctively dodged the attack with one decisive, defensive move, and then in one swift movement raised her leg up and swung it down with a lethal force. Her leg landed right down on the cobra's head. In one blow Hope crushed his head with the heel of her foot. He now laid in front of her no longer the poisonous cobra but transformed back into the pitiful, sick man she had called her foster father. She saw the weapon that he had convinced her to create and to use on herself, and she picked it up, and for once and for all she plunged it into his heart, getting rid of her demon forever. And then it was done. She would never fear him again.
Hope fell to the ground, exhausted, and she just stayed there quietly with her eyes open for hours as she enjoyed what seemed like the sweet smell of roses that fill her cell, and the peace of not hearing his taunting voice and his lies in her head anymore. She thought to herself, "I will close my eyes and rest just for a moment", and then finally after three long days, she fell asleep, and she slept deeply and peacefully. She started to dream about her past, her past before Nana's death, before foster care, before the loss of her innocence. She dreamed about when she still had her Nana and her sisters. She dreamed about a time Nana made her feel safe and all was right in the world.
"Nana, Nana...Nana, Nana. Wake up, Nana."
"What's the matter child?", whispered Nana.
Little Hope answered quietly, holding back her sobs "I can't sleep, Nana. I had a bad dream and I can't sleep."
"What was the dream about child?"
"Something was holding me down Nana, and I couldn't move, Nana." Then a voice called out my name it said, "Hope, Hope, open your eyes." And then I woke up."
"Hope, you keep having that same dream child. Did you recognize the voice?"
"No Nana."
"Did you trust the voice?" "Yes."
"Well then maybe it is God's voice calling you, and you should listen to it child."
"I did Nana. I opened my eyes and then I came in here to you." Little Hope stood at the foot of Nana's bed and wondered when Nana would just tell her to get in the bed with her like she always did, instead of asking her so many questions. It was as if Nana could read her mind, and at that moment, Nana said, "come sleep with me child, everything's okay Nana's here, and then they prayed". Nana's home was the one place Hope felt safe at as a child. Nana's bed was the warmest and safest place in the whole world to Hope. Nana's bed was old, and the mattress was lumpy, but Nana's plump, warm body, filled the bed with warmth. Hope would always put her little, cold feet under Nana's legs, and Nana always said, "brrrrr... you have the coldest feet, you must be half Eskimo." Then Hope would fall asleep peacefully looking up at the moonlight shining off of the cross that hung over Nana's bed.
"Remember Hope whenever you have a scary dream, whenever you are scared, just call out to Jesus, and just pray, wherever you happen to be just get down on your knees child and pray, pray the fear away."
"Okay Nana, I will, but right now I have you, I'm not scared when you are here."
"I know, but on those days when I'm not around, you know maybe like when you are in school, lean on God, you can always lean on God and pray."
"Nana, I'm sleepy."
"Go to sleep child, and have sweet dreams."
When Hope awoke from her dreams and her childhood memory, it was in the middle of the night. She realized she was still in her prison cell. She was not in the safe and warm bed belonging to Nana that she had just dreamed of. Suddenly, her past and her present had all come together. She realized that dreams, visions, prophesies, good and evil all existed in this world, and that every word her Nana spoke to her in her past was instructions and guidance for this very moment in her life. She was truly awoke now, and aware for the first time in her life.
She knew Nana and God had never forsaken her, she had forsaken them. The only thing left she could think of to do was the one thing she had not done in over twenty years. Hope got down on her hands and knees and she, prayed... Amazingly even after twenty years of never saying a prayer out loud, never thinking of them, she remembered all the prayers Nana had said with her as a child.
She started praying Psalms 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul;
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his
name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of
death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine
enemies:
Thou anoinest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days
of my life:
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. And Hope declared, "I will no longer fear the things
from my past or what lies ahead for me in my future."
And when she was done, she prayed again....
Matthew 6:9-13
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed Be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
And the power, and the glory, Forever. Amen.
With tears in her eyes her heart opened and Hope declared, "I forgive you, you were a sick man, a tortured soul, and I only pity you because you died in your sins.
And Lord, Forgive me Lord for forsaking you, forgive me Nana for being ashamed at what I thought was your weaknesses. You were stronger than I ever imagined, and I your grandchild have inherited your strength. Forgive me for my sins Lord and help me not to sin again."
And she prayed again...
Psalms 51:1-3; 10
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness:
According unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my
Transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me...
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
And Hope declared, "I believe you sent your son to me to save me from my sin, believing in Jesus my savior, is the only way my life can be saved for eternity, I know now I can not "save myself", only Jesus can."
And she prayed again...and again and again, and again out loud with all abandon to the Lord, praying in her tongue, and in tongues unknown to her, but known to her God, until she prayed her last prayer out loud for that night...
Psalms 116:1-4
I Love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him
as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell got hold upon me:
I found trouble and sorrow. Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, Deliver my soul.... And he has delivered me. Amen!"
And Hope declared, "Thank you God from saving me from my demons, from myself, from hell, and for saving my soul. My life and my soul are precious things, and I shall never again choose to give up own my life." Then Hope realized she had prayed through the entire night, because she saw the sun shine once again through the hole in the wall. She could not believe that a whole day had went by since she had saw her Nana battle a demon from her past. She could hardly believe that just 24 hours ago she had almost taken her own life. Nana's words were in her head, "God is the sunlight that has shined into your dark prison every day. God is the love and faith and hope, that has managed to stay in your heart. God is all those things and more." Hope was exhausted and as the sun rose it comforted her and she fell back into a peaceful sleep. She slept through the entire day and night and when she awoke... She prayed again, and again, and again, the following day, recalling every prayer she had ever heard in her childhood church, every sermon she had ever sat through, she prayed every prayer her Nana had ever said in her presence, and every prayer she could recall reading from the bible. All those prayers she thought she had long ago forgotten were written on her heart, stored safe away for this very moment.
And when she was done praying that day, she just started talking, talking to God about her old fears and thanking him for taking all her fears away, and she talked to God about her desires, and her old pains, and her anger, and God comforted her, and she praised and worshipped God and gave him thanksgivings for all He had brought her through. She talked and prayed and praised out loud, she had no reason to care if anyone thought she was crazy, she knew she was very sane, very aware, and very strong in mind, body and spirit. Instead of fighting and preparing for her enemy, she just prayed all day long. She did this all day, until the sun had gone down and the night had come once again. Then in the morning she prayed again. It had been twenty years since Hope had picked up a bible or went to church, but God's words came back to her instinctively, and only one voice spoke in her mind, that of her Almighty Father God.
Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee,
Deliver my soul.... And he has delivered me, Amen.
In the past, Hope had forsaken God in her anger, forsaken him in her pain; but she realized now God had never forsaken her. Hope spoke out loud, "God is our beginning and our end, and he waits for us to come back to him, patiently, because he is time's maker and destroyer. He is the Alpha and Omega, and the author and creator of peace. God has given me peace." Hope knew in her heart that God had forgiven her for forsaking him. Finally she felt complete and prepared for anything that might come and she felt filled with her namesake again. The name God had inspired Nana to give her at her birth, Hope.
In the past Hope had prided herself in being self-reliant, self-efficient, independent and most of all physically and mentally strong. But now, she was sure that her body was physically weaker than it had ever been in her adulthood, weak from the lack of food and the terrible conditions she now lived in. But she didn't feel weak inside. For the first time she possessed spiritual strength. That kind of strength she now understood could transcend the physical world.
And that kind of strength, well that kind of strength can move mountains, part waters and break the chains of bondage.
Hope knew that although her body was still in prison, her mind and her soul were finally freed.
YOU ARE READING
The Emmanuel Sisters
Romance3 Sisters painfully separated, embark on 3 incredible journeys filled with heartache, romance and adventure. Completed Story
