The Emmanuel Sisters

Chapter 18 Effectual Prayers

Over a month had passed by since that day in Africa when the Emmanuel sisters had finally been reunited. Since then a lot had changed in a very short period of time.
Hope's injuries, and wounds had healed, and she had decided to end her military career by taking an Honorable Discharge from the Marine Corps. She received a sizeable retirement and several decorations and honors, and a very sizeable financial package attached to a confidentiality agreement she had to sign to never mention the Top Secret government paramilitary agency and secret missions she had been sent on after joining the Marines. Now Hope was trying to figure out what to make of her life as a civilian. She thought about going back to school, maybe becoming a teacher, but her main priorities right now were her family. She knew whatever she ended up doing her priority was going to be to her sisters and of course to her newly adopted son, Amir.
Hope thought, being a single mom to a teenage boy may be harder than being a Colonel. Especially since, her new son, Amir Emmanuel, was definitely not your ordinary teenage boy.
Love had taken an extended vacation. The first vacation she had actually taken in years. The associates at the firm thought it was very strange for a newly appointed partner to immediately take a vacation. But Love wasn't worried about what anyone thought, after all, she knew her boss was very, very pleased with her work.
Mr. Swanson had already announced that he would be changing his status to of counsel; and only giving the firm advice on clients' cases and affairs. Mr. Swanson was now ready to devote his life to his new wife, Mary and their adopted children. He had just gained a wife and a very large family which included fifteen Ethiopian boys and girls, not to mention his wife's adult son, Darryl. Mr. Swanson was enjoying bragging about his new son in law, "the doctor."
He thought back about the joy on his wife Mary's face weeks ago when he had proposed. The day he proposed to Mary is a day he would never forget. Every detail was engraved in his mind.
After he popped the question, Mary said he was the first man she had ever loved in her life. She said she didn't care if she had to live out the rest of her days with him in a cardboard box, she just wanted to be with him. Then she said "yes", to his proposal of marriage.
After Mary had agreed to marry him, Mr. Swanson told her he had a few more surprises up his sleeve. First he told her he was wealthy and she never needed to worry about them ever living in a cardboard box, and then he told her he had someone very important waiting to speak to her and then Darryl walked into the room.
Mary looked up, and said, "Doctor Darryl! How sweet you got my favorite doctor to be here to celebrate with us. You know Doctor Darryl is like the son I've never had." Mary still had no idea what was going on.
Then Darryl said, "Mary, I just found out that I really am your son. I'm the son you gave up so many years ago."
Darryl explained things to Mary and she had tears of joy streaming from her eyes as she listened to him. She was still in shock over Darryl being her real son, but she barely had a chance to recover, when in walked a bunch of little children who were calling her, mother.
Mr. Swanson looked over at her and said, "well honey you said you wanted to take care of as many children, children who are orphans like you were. So here they are. Are you happy?"
"Happy, I don't think I could ever be happier than this!"
But just then Mary saw three beautiful women walk into her room.
"I'm sorry to barge in, but we have been waiting out there for a while", teased Love. "Ma'am it's nice to meet you my name is Love and Mr. Swanson is my boss, and your son is my sister Faith's fiancé...."
Mary took one look at Love, and there was no mistaking who she was, she screamed out, "Love, Love Emmanuel!?" Then she looked over at Mr. Swanson and she said, "but how did you know to find the Emmanuel sisters, I never even told you about them?"
Mr. Swanson just stood there looking confused at Mary. "I don't understand Mary. What do you mean by, "I found the Emmanuel Sisters?"
Faith and Hope were standing behind Love. The three sisters had been stuck together like glue ever since they found each other in Ethiopia. They were confused about why Mary was so excited, at first.
"Love, I would know you anywhere, you look just like your Nana, you do, you always looked more like her than any of her girls. Don't you girls recognize me? I'm Mary, your Nana's old best friend, Mary."
Then Love looked at Mary, she had changed much over the years. She remembered Mary and how she looked when she was much younger, but now she looked like someone's grandmother. Mary's youth was gone. But when Love took a closer look at her she could see that it was Mary, her eyes, those big, dark, eyes, and her sweet smile, she hadn't changed that much.
"Mary! Mary's such a popular name, I never imagined Mr. Swanson's Mary, was "our" Nana's Mary. Mary, this is Hope and little, baby Faith, all grown up."
Mary was crying and she said through her tears to her son, Darryl and the Emmanuel sisters, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I thought I would never see any of you ever again. Can you all ever forgive me?"
Darryl said, "of course I forgive you. I had great parents Mary, and I already fell in love with you even before I found out you were my birth mother."
Faith felt so sorry for Mary. She had no bitterness for her at all, she could barely remember her. "Mary, I was only a little child when Nana died, but I do remember how much Nana loved you. I remember how you always made her laugh and how you made us laugh when you came around. In my mind there's nothing to forgive. You have to forgive yourself, because I think I speak for the three of us when I say, we are just happy to see you alive, and happy to have another piece of Nana with us again."
Love and Hope, shook their heads in agreement with Faith, and Faith continued speaking. "Besides I really want my new mother-in-law to like me."
Mary looked over at Mr. Swanson. "This is the happiest day of my life. Somehow you have given me everything I've ever wanted. You're amazing."
Mr. Swanson just kissed her on the forehead and smile. Then he said, "well that was the impression I was going for, amazing."
The two of them got married by the justice of peace a few days later and then they moved into their new house with their fifteen adopted children. Then three weeks later, Mr. Swanson, Mary and their fifteen newly adopted children from Ethiopia were all sitting down in church attending another wedding.
Darryl's father was his best man. His father held the golden case with the bullet hole in his hands. He anxiously waited for the little girl next door that he had grown to love and already thought of as his daughter to come walking down the aisle, and marry his son. Darryl's father's only wish was that his wife was there to see their son getting married today. Then he thought, "I know she's up there watching it all and smiling to herself, because she always knew this day would come."
The music started playing and the bridesmaids and their groomsmen came walking down the aisle. First one to come down the aisle was Love, the oldest Emmanuel sister with her groomsman, John by her side. Then Hope walked down the aisle with her groomsman and newly adopted son, Amir Emmanuel. Now it was time for the bride to come down the aisle. Faith was waiting outside the hallway of the little church. She had decided to have her wedding in Nana's little church. One day when Faith was trying to decide where to have the wedding Love told her a story that she had almost forgotten.
"When we were all little girls and went to Nana's church we attended many weddings there. We would always pretend we were brides, after church services, and we all agreed that if any of us ever got married it would be in Nana's little church on Mathias Avenue."
Faith did remember then how when they were girls they would giggle and pretend they were all brides walking down the aisle as they played in the church after Sunday school. She decided then that if the church on Mathias Avenue was still standing and available that she would get married there.
Standing there in that little church she felt closer to Nana than she had ever felt since the day Nana had died. Faith's mother was getting ready to walk to her seat and watch her daughter come down the aisle, but she was concerned about the far off look on Faith's face.
"Are you okay baby, are you nervous?"
"I'm just fine mom, I'm not nervous at all, I'm positive that he is the one for me. In fact I'm better than fine, I am so unbelievably happy. All the people I've ever loved in my life are here today in person, or in spirit. I can feel Nana's spirit as if she was here watching over me. Everything I've ever wanted in my life, everything I've ever needed is right here in this little church today. When I open this door, and walk down the aisle, the man God has blessed me with will be waiting at the end of that aisle, waiting to spend the rest of his life with me. I just can't believe how God has blessed me with so much, with all that I've ever asked for and even with the things I never thought about asking for. Mom, is this how you felt when you married Dad?"
"Well not exactly, honestly I was pretty nervous when I married your Dad. Your Dad and I were so different, me being African and him being Caucasion. I was so young and I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing in getting married so young, but one thing I did know for sure was that I loved him. It wasn't until years later that I realized how lucky I was to have married such a wonderful man. But, I do remember one time in my life, a time when I instantaneously knew something was right and I had absolutely no doubts or nervousness that I was making the right choice."
"When was that mom?"
"It was when this little girl with two pigtails and two missing teeth in the front came running into that little room at the old Social Services building, and the social worker said, "Faith meet your new foster parents." I took one look at you and I fell in love right there and I knew then you were the one. Then I asked, "how do we go about adopting this little girl?" I didn't need any time to think about it. I wasn't nervous at all. I knew right away I loved you and that I was meant to be your mother."
"Mom you are going to make me cry."
Faith's father walked over to his wife and his daughter. "It is time for you two, to break it up now. Go take your seat honey. I have to walk our little girl down the aisle. Boy I was starting to think that this day would never come."
The music was playing, the guest stood up, and then they opened the church doors.
Faith looked like an angel. She looked magnificent. She saw Darryl waiting at the end of the aisle and they looked into each other's eyes. They were already one, and neither one of them had any doubts their love would be forever.
Later that day at the reception, everyone was dancing and eating and having a wonderful time. Love looked around at her sisters. She thought to herself "they look so happy." They were all sitting and eating at the wedding party table. Darryl was talking about how he couldn't wait to get to the honeymoon and finally see Hawaii for the first time. Love also overheard Darryl say to Faith that there was something else he couldn't wait to do with her for the first time. Love thought to herself, "she must have heard wrong. There was no way the two of them hadn't done it yet." Love made a mental note to herself to ask Faith about that, right away, when she got back from her honeymoon.
Then Love looked over at Hope and Amir and how the two of them were engrossed in a conversation at the table about Amir getting up the nerve to ask a girl sitting across the room to dance. The girl looked to be close to Amir's age. But Love doubted that there were many people Amir's age who had seen as much in life as he had. Hope was busy giving Amir advice on how to be a gentlemen. Love heard Hope telling Amir to say, "you look very lovely tonight, may I have a dance with you?" Love found it all very amusing considering all that they had been through just a few weeks ago. She thought maybe Amir needed a little bit of a push, so she said to Amir, "Amir if you don't ask that girl to dance with you already, I'm going to get up and ask for you myself. I'm going to say, my nephew would like to dance with you, but he's too chicken to ask you himself."
"You wouldn't!"
Love looked at him with a very serious look. "Oh yes I would."
That was the push Amir needed. He stood up and asked the girl for a dance, but she didn't waste any time turning him down. But as he walked back to his table with his head hanging down, another very beautiful young girl stopped him and she asked him to dance.
Hope was sitting back observing it all. She was amazed at how it seemed as if her heart was connected to Amir's. She felt her heart sink when Amir was rejected by the first girl, and then she felt her heart suddenly leap in her chest when the other young girl asked him to dance. Hope thought to herself, "motherhood is going to be like a rollercoaster ride. I've never even been this nervous about going on a mission."
Watching Hope and Amir, made Love think about how she almost had a child herself, and how that child would have probably been around Amir's age right now, if she would have had it. Love wondered if she would have been like Hope with her own child, giving him advice about girls, and holding her breath as she watched him ask a girl to dance.
John was watching Love like always. He noticed she had finished eating and was just quietly looking around at everyone and everything. He leaned over and asked her to dance. The two of them got up to dance and while they were on the dance floor the music changed into a slow love song.
John pulled Love closer. He could feel Love's tension over him holding her so close. She hadn't ever brought up what he had said to her back in Ethiopia. She acted as if he had never said, "I love you." But John didn't want to push the subject if she wasn't ready for it, even though he suspected she felt the same way about him. No matter what happened he knew they would always be friends, but he hoped for much more one day.
Ever since they had returned from Ethiopia Love seemed to be avoiding him. He was back in California at work, and she had been staying in New York on vacation with her sisters. He had tried to call her everyday while they were apart, but she always made some excuse to get off the phone. Every time he called she was never alone, her sisters were always around. He understood they had been separated for twenty something years, but he desperately needed to talk to her. He had been in New York for three days for Faith's and Darryl's wedding, but still he had not been able to get any time alone with Love. So this was actually going to be the first time John had a moment alone with Love, since he had arrived in New York for her sister's wedding. While he held her in his arms he decided then to have the conversation he needed to have with her. He whispered, "Love, why are you avoiding me?"
"Um, I've just been so busy helping Faith plan all this last minute wedding stuff, you know. I'm sorry."
John knew Love had a lot going on. He thought maybe he was just overreacting. "That's alright. It's just that I really need to talk to you about something."
Love thought John wanted to talk about his feelings for her, and she was trying to avoid that, so she tried to change the subject. "John it is so good to see you. How are things back at the firm? When are you flying back out? My vacation is coming to an end maybe we can catch the same flight back to California."
"That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about, in person, and why I kept calling you."
Love felt a lump form in her throat, she was trying her best to put this conversation off for as long as possible, but it looked like John was set on declaring his love for her once again. "Okay then, what is it you want to tell me John?"
"I'm not going back to the firm. I'm not coming back to LA either, Love. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I left the firm. You know how I've been the co-pastor at my church for some time now. Well my church has sister churches, all across the country, and one of the pastors retired earlier than expected. My pastor has been grooming me to take over his church one day, but he called me into his office and told me that one of their sister churches needed a pastor and that he had recommended me. I prayed over it and I decided God was calling me and I needed to answer the call. So I agreed to pastor the church. I wanted to tell you earlier but whenever I got you on the phone you rushed off within seconds. I just want you to know I'm leaving the firm, but not you. I'm always here for you whenever you need me. I'm just a call away."
Love was stunned. She always assumed she could put whatever was happening between her and John on the back burner. She always assumed since they were co-workers and they were also such good friends; that he was always going to be around. Suddenly, the thought of returning to California, without knowing he would be there waiting for her, was unbearable. John was the one good thing about returning to California. Knowing he would be there, just for her to talk to, was what gave her the strength to leave her sisters and go back to work. For the first time she realized how much she really loved John and needed him. She also realized that now it was probably too late for her to tell him that. Half of her wanted to tell him right now, but still, the fear of telling him how she really felt about him overwhelmed her. She just couldn't find the courage to tell him so instead she said,
"Well that's great John. You are going to be a great pastor. But you know I'll miss you. You will keep in touch still, right?"
"Of course I'll keep in touch. We can still talk on the phone all the time. And the church is right here, right in New York. So when you are in town visiting your sisters, you can also see me. Maybe even come by for a Sunday sermon."
"I don't know about all of that, I was surprised the church my sister had her wedding in didn't burn down when I stepped foot back into it."
John laughed. "Well, I'm really going to miss seeing you every day Love. You know I always knew you would be partner one day too. You're the type of woman who can do or be whatever she wants to be, once you put your mind to it. But what I want to know is, are you happy? Are you really happy?"
"Why do people keep asking me that, of course I'm happy. I mean besides finally becoming partner, I've also found my two sisters. I have everything I've ever wanted in life. I can use the company jet to come out here and see my sisters every single weekend if I want. Mr. Swanson has already promised it to me and made it clear to the rest of the partners that it's for my personal use. I mean really when you think of it what possible reason would I have, not to be happy?"
John didn't know if Love was trying to convince him or herself. But he decided not to push the topic. There was silence between the two of them for a while as they just swayed to the music and then Love said, "but you know, I am really going to miss seeing you at work every day too, I really am."
"I know you will. And one more thing Love, I have to tell you this now before, well before I lose my courage to say it again. I meant what I said to you back in Ethiopia, I'm still in love with you. I know you may not want to hear it, but my feelings for you will never change. So if you ever decide you are not really happy I just want you to know I'm always here as a friend, and I'm here and ready to be more than a friend to you, if you are ready for it."
Love didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. The two of them finished dancing and after the reception John asked Love if she wanted to hang out some more, just the two of them. Love told him she was tired and needed to get back to Faith's apartment and help her pack for her honeymoon. So John gave Love the address to his new church, she already had his cell phone number, and he told her which hotel he was staying at until he found an apartment in town to rent. Love promised him she would call, and visit him, but even when the words came out of her mouth, she knew she didn't intend on keeping them. Love knew it was only a matter of time before her friendship, or romance or whatever her and John had together, would end. She felt as if John was too good for her. That she would never be able to live up to the standards a woman he would be with should possess. And now that he was going to officially be a pastor, and head of a church of his own, responsible for maybe hundreds of people, how could she ever be with him now. Love knew the type of life she had lived and was still living, and she knew how church people thought of people like her. She thought to herself, "even if I changed my lifestyle and tried to settle down with John or anyone else, I can't run from my past. As they say, what's done in the dark always comes to light." So she kissed John gently on the cheek after their last dance and said, "I'm happy for you, and I'll call you, after things settle down and I see Faith off to her honeymoon."
John had no reason to question what Love said to him. He thought that even though she may not be ready, or may not even care for him the way he cared for her, that they were friends. He felt like their friendship would always remain, regardless of long distance.
After the reception the Emmanuel sisters and Amir went back to Faith's apartment. Amir had asked the young lady he danced with at the reception for her phone number. On the ride back to Faith's apartment, Amir and Hope had been strategizing over how he should go about asking the girl out on a date.
Love looked at how excited Hope was about Amir's possible first date and thought to herself, "this is what they mean when they talk about parents living out their lives through their children. She needs to be worrying about getting a date for herself. When is she going to do something with that hair?" Love made another mental note to herself, that when she came up next weekend to visit she was going to take Hope out on a girls' beauty day. Hope was a natural beauty, but she seemed like she tried her best to hide her beauty.
Faith was still glowing. Ever since she had said her vows, her face was full of radiance and joy. When they arrived at Faith's apartment, Amir grabbed the phone and ran into the guest room that Faith had set up for him to stay in. Hope was going to rent the condo from Faith. The newlyweds had already closed on a two story single family home in Long Island, before their wedding. Their new home had enough room for three frequent guests and for a little addition to their little family one day. Their new home would be somewhat close to their parents houses also, but not too close. The three sisters had been sleeping in Faith's bedroom on her king size bed. It was as if they were little girls again. Every night they would stay up and talk, eat junk food, and reminisce.
So everything in life seemed to be perfect for the three sisters. Faith was married to Darryl and now getting ready to go off on her honeymoon in Hawaii. Hope would be living with her new son, Amir, and Love was a partner and due back at her firm; first thing Monday morning after her vacation was over. This was going to be the first time the three of them would be apart, since they were reunited in Ethiopia. While the three sisters were trying to get Faith's wedding gown off, Love started to feel sadness come over her.
"You know I'm really going to miss you guys."
They all stopped for a moment and they hugged each other tightly. Faith wiped her tears away. "Well I already told Darryl that I know it's our honeymoon, but I'm still going to call my sisters every night while we're gone."
"I know, we should synchronize our phones to alarm us all at the same time so that we remember to call each other every day on three-way while you are away Faith. What do you think about that Love?"
Love laughed. "I think that's very military of you Hope. Synchronized calls..."
"I know Love, I can't help myself. It's going to take me some getting use to being a civilian again. So I guess you are going to have to tell Darryl to wrap everything up in time for our daily phone calls Faith, if you know what I mean."
Faith just giggled like a school girl. Then Love remembered the question she wanted to ask Faith before she left on her honeymoon. "That reminds me Faith, I've been meaning to ask you, what exactly was Darryl referring to when he said, "he was looking forward to doing something else with you for the first time in Hawaii?" Tell me he was talking about sky diving, because I know there is no way that you two haven't done it yet. I mean the two of you have known each other forever right? And you two are old as I don't know what, I mean in terms of doing it, that's all I'm saying."
Hope was curious now too. She, like Love had just assumed Faith and Darryl had already been intimate. Hope always felt uncomfortable talking about sex and she tried to avoid it. She had no idea her little joke was going to lead to this uncomfortable conversation.
Faith smiled at them. "I know it must be hard to believe being how old I am, but I'm still a virgin. I mean Darryl and I have come really, really close over the years but I would stop myself, and sometimes he would even stop me. See I always had this thing since I was a little girl that I wanted to save myself. I've always wanted my first time to be with my husband. My mother, my adopted mother that is, always told me how her first time was with my dad, and how it was the most beautiful gift she had ever given him. It just seemed so romantic to me, and I decided then I wanted my wedding night to be like that."
The idea of any woman abstaining for so long was so incredible to Love. "But didn't your mother get married when she was like sixteen or something? I mean Faith you are almost thirty, for real, how can you go for so long without doing it. Worse of all, what if it's no good with him. Then you're stuck with it."
"Love! How can you say that!"
"I'm sorry, of course it won't be bad. It will be perfect because you guys are in love. But you know Faith all mothers' tell their daughters they never had sex until they met their husbands?"
"That's not true Love, I don't remember our mother ever telling us that", interjected Hope.
"Oh come on Hope, she probably couldn't remember when she had sex for the first time cause she was always doped up." replied Love.
"Well Faith, I think that's beautiful that you're still a virgin. What a wonderful gift to give your husband on your wedding day. Don't you agree Love?"
"Yeah, sure."
Faith's sisters were beginning to make her feel a little nervous about her first time with Darryl. "Well I'm sure since we are in love it will be wonderful. But, since we are talking about this now I do have a question. How will "I know" if it's good or if I need to work on it?"
Love started laughing. "Oh you'll know. Believe me I'm an expert on the subject. You will just know, don't you agree Hope?"
Hope still had not told her sisters about Mr. Smith's abuse of her when she was a little girl, and how what had happened to her had scarred her for life, and she didn't think now was the best moment to tell them.
"Oh yeah Faith, Love's right, I definitely agree with her, besides she says she's and expert on this subject so I guess you better listen up to her. In fact I'm going to make sure I take notes myself since she says she is an expert on it and all."
The three of them were laughing and Faith had gotten pass feeling embarrassed. "So Love how many men have you been with?"
Love looked at Faith all indignant. "Don't you know you never ask a woman that question?"
Faith laughed at Love's hypocrisy. "Now Love didn't you just interrogate me about my love-life?"
"That's different Faith, because I'm the big sister. Okay, I'm not giving you a number because I probably can't remember the exact number even if I try, but I've been with enough men and even a few women to know what I'm doing when it comes to this particular subject."
"So do you always reach that climax every time you do it?" Faith was very curious now.
"Well yeah, I mean that's the only reason I even have sex." The three of them started laughing uncontrollably. Once they recovered Love continued. "I've never been much on faking it. I mean I guess I've never cared enough about a man to try to spare his feelings. If he wasn't doing it right, I just say, "look you are just not doing it right, and then I will show him how I want it done."
"Okay......", Faith's eyes were very wide now.
Love could see that she was just making Faith get nervous about her first time, and she felt bad about that.
"All joking aside, don't worry. With you and Darryl, it will be perfect, because he loves you and you love him. Plus he is a doctor after all, I'm sure he knows plenty about the female anatomy. But if it doesn't seem right the first time, don't worry. I don't know any women who have had the perfect "first" time. But just in case, after the third go around if it still isn't right don't be afraid to tell him, because remember he loves you and he is going to want to do whatever it takes to make you happy."
Faith knew Love was right. Darryl's number one priority had always been making her happy. "Yeah you're right Love, but do you have any tips for me? You know tips where I can make sure he's happy too?"
"He's a man it really doesn't take much to make them happy, but I could give you a few pointers to make him deliriously happy."
Hope just laughed and pretended she was comfortable with the conversation they were having, so she chimed in. "Hey, can I have a copy of that list of tips too; just for rainy days if I'm bored and need something to read."
"No problem lil sisters. In fact, now that I think about it I should probably make sure I copyright this, you never know."
Finally, Faith was all packed up and ready to go. The limousine was ready and waiting to take her to the airport with Darryl inside of it, and she could hardly wait. Love and Hope walked Faith to the front door.
Hope yelled to Amir, "your Aunt's leaving, come on out and say goodbye."
Amir came running out his room with the phone still in his hand.
"So did you make the call, what did she say, is my son going to be going on his first date?"
"Well I haven't actually made the call yet. I've dialed the numbers a few times, but then I hung up." Then he ran up to Faith and gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye. "Travel well and God be with you Aunt Faith."
They all had a group hug, and Faith, couldn't hold back the tears in her eyes. She was really going to miss all of them. "Remember the phone calls, and I love you guys."
Darryl assured them he would take good care of her, and they knew he would. Before she got into the limousine, Faith whispered one last question to Love, "is having sex with someone you are "in love" with, well is it like the romance novels, is it like being in heaven?"
Love looked at her little sister and said, "Faith you are really blessed to be truly in love. Honestly, little sister that's the one question I don't have the answer for. I guess you are going to have to tell me the answer to that."
As Faith watched her sisters from the rear window while the limousine drove away she realized at that moment just how truly blessed she was to have Darryl; and she said a quiet prayer in her head that one day her sisters would be with someone they were in love with, the way that Darryl and her loved each other.
Darryl turned Faith's face towards him and away from the rearview window and he said, "not having second thoughts are you? A bride shouldn't be crying about leaving to go on her honeymoon. Seriously, I know you hate to leave your sisters after just reuniting with them, but we will be back before you know it."
"I know. But don't ever, ever think I have any doubts about you ever again. I love you forever."
Once they couldn't see the limousine anymore Love, Hope and Amir went back inside the apartment. Amir was heading back into his room, to get up the nerve to make that phone call.
"Amir, I need the phone so I can confirm my flight plans back to Cali tomorrow."
He gave the phone to Love, but what he didn't know was that she had pressed redial once she had the phone in her hand. Love knew Amir had called the girl's number several times but hung up. Once the phone started to ring on the other end she asked Amir to hold it for her while she took care of something and to listen out for the airline reservationist to come on line. Amir took the phone and listened as it ringed without suspicion, but then, a familiar voice answered the phone. "Hello, Hello." He realized his aunt had just tricked him and it was the girl he had danced with from the wedding reception on the phone with him. Love was secretly peeking from behind the refrigerator door at him. Hope came out of the bathroom and saw Love spying on Amir.
"Love, what's going on?"
"Shhh, Amir's on the phone with that girl from the reception."
"Finally he's brave enough to make the call and not hang up."
"Uh, not exactly Hope, I'll tell you later." They both tried to pretend that they were not eavesdropping on Amir's phone call, but they were carefully listening to every word that came out of his mouth. After he hung up the phone, he knew his mother and aunt were eavesdropping and waiting with their questions.
"So, tell us what did she say?"
"I'm not telling you anything Aunt Love cause that was a real dirty trick you played on me."
"That's alright you don't have to tell me, that big grin on your face is saying it all, so she said yes, am I right?"
Hope was so excited for Amir. "She said yes, that's great. I can't believe it's your first official date."
"Well I don't know if you can consider it a date, because she said her father will not let her go out with any boy that he hasn't had a chance to talk to. So, she said if I wanted to, I could come to church with them tomorrow and then to Sunday brunch to talk to her parents. Then, if they approve of me we can go out on a date alone."
Love started laughing. "Oh boy, good luck with that one Amir, you sure you want to date this girl. She sounds like a whole lot of trouble, high maintenance."
"Don't listen to your aunt Amir. I think it's a good thing she has a strict father, she must be a good girl then."
"You ever think her father is so strict because she is a bad girl. Just because she goes to church does not make her a nice girl Hope. Heck, remember all those loose girls we went to church with growing up at Nana's."
"Let me repeat myself. Amir, don't listen to your aunt. You should go. Where's the church, I'll drop you off, you don't know your way around New York yet."
"It's the church Auntie Faith got married in, that's why she was at the wedding reception, she's a member and one of the church greeters. Her father is the pastor of the church."
"Oh boy, the pastor's kids are always the worse ones, everyone knows that." Love was finding this all very humorous, but Hope was serious, after all this was going to be her son's first date, it was a big deal.
"Now just be quiet, Love, you're going to make him nervous. Don't worry, everything will be fine Amir."
"Hope, I mean mother..." Then he flashed Hope the most adorable smile, "can you come with me to the church?"
Hope thought her heart had just melted right in her chest when he called her mother, and she thought to herself, "I would go to the ends of the Earth for you." "Amir, of course I'll go, and we should come up with some kind of sign. In case you want to be alone with her, okay."
"How about the flanking position sign?"
"Oh yeah that could work, just make sure you are covert about it when you give it to me. Like you can just make a small V in front of your face and then just put your head in your hands, no one will notice that. Let's test it out."
Love shook her head at them as she walked off into the den. She was thinking, "they are perfect together, two military geeks." She decided to watch a repeat of Law and Order on TV, then she thought, "I don't want to see anything serious, maybe Faith has recorded some Ellen shows. Now she's hilarious. I love her."
After Amir went back in his room to listen to his music, Hope joined Love in the living room. She was already missing Love and she hadn't even left yet. Love was sitting on the sofa laughing at the Ellen show.
"You know I met Ellen once, Hope."
"For real? You and her, didn't ...."
"No get your mind out the gutter Hope. I've met a lot of entertainment people working in LA. I've even met Oprah, and before you ask, no to that question too."
"I'm just saying you're the one who said all that stuff about being a sexual expert on everything about men and women. So when is your flight leaving?"
"First thing in the morning. This will give me a little time to readjust before starting work on Monday."
"I was thinking maybe you could come to church tomorrow with me and Amir and then we could drop you off at the airport. You know, this is so important to him, and he's so nervous meeting the girl's parents, he really wants me to come and I don't want to miss it."
"I understand. You're a mother now, your son comes first. Don't worry I'll just catch a cab to the airport. I really don't want to go to church twice in one weekend. I'll call you as soon as I get back home and settled in and you can tell me all about how Amir's first, semi-date with the girl and all the parents there went."
"Well, were you able to get on the same flight back as John?"
"No, that's the thing. John told me earlier today at the wedding reception that he's not coming back to California. Apparently, he's accepted a position as a pastor out here in New York. I don't know if that is how they refer to it, as a position, or a calling, whatever, but anyway, he's resigned from the firm and he's not coming back, end of story."
"Oh no. What are you going to do without him?"
Love was surprised about the comment Hope had just made. She had never acted like she depended on John. At least she didn't think she did. "What do you mean, what am I going to do without him? I'm not going to do anything. I mean John and I are just friends Hope."
"Yeah, I know you said that before, but it seemed to me that there was something more going on between the two of you; something much deeper."
"Well maybe there was, but there's sure no chance of it now."
"Not necessarily, I mean, the two of you could try a long distance romance."
"Come on Hope, he's going to be a pastor of some church right in New York, but he might as well be over in Tim Buk Tu, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not exactly pastor's girlfriend material."
"Why do you say that? I mean you are going to be coming out here all the time to visit us anyway, right? So you can see him too, and you should start going to church again, that is what Nana would have wanted for us. You can go to his church. I think you would make a great pastor's wife one day."
"I'm definitely going to be out here all the time, at least every other weekend, I promise. It's just that I'm not going to go back to church just because of a man, or even for Nana. That's my decision to make and I won't be pressured into it. I don't believe in all of that religious stuff. I do care for John, but he's a pastor now. He doesn't need someone like me. He needs a woman, well a woman, more like Faith, than like me, you know what I mean."
"Why don't you let John decide what he needs for himself, because it seems to me that he loves you, and he's not interested in any other women. The question is do you love him?"
Love was quiet for a long time, and for the first time she finally was honest to herself about what she felt for John. "I've known him forever, and he has been my best friend for so many years. I think I do, I do love him, Hope."
"So why don't you tell him, and just see what happens?"
"I'm not exactly sure. But I need to know that when I tell him, I love him, that I can be the type of woman he deserves me to be, or that I'm at least working on it. And I know I'm not that woman, not yet, maybe not ever."
Hope didn't know what else to say to Love. After all she was probably the last person who needed to be giving other people love advice. So Hope just hugged her sister, and said, "okay then I'll just say a prayer over it for you. Oh, by the way earlier at the reception, Mary and her new husband asked me if we could all come over for dinner tonight at their house. What do you say?"
"I guess so, we got to eat right, and neither one of us know how to cook. Besides I'll be able to see if there are any last minute tips Mr. Swanson wants to tell me about being the newest partner at the firm."
"Good then, I'll go call Mary and tell her we will be there. Just one more thing I have to ask you Love."
"What's that?"
"How could you say you don't believe after everything we've been through within the past month? Can't you see that God has blessed us?"
"If anything He's blessed you and Faith and He let me slip through the cracks. I don't deserve His blessings."
Hope tried to stay and talk to Love some more about it, but Love didn't want to listen. "Seriously Hope I just want to relax and watch television right now."
Hope went into the bedroom and after she got off the phone with Mary she got on her knees and prayed for her sister Love.
So, later that night they went to dinner at the Swanson's home. They were greeted at the door, by fifteen very energetic kids. Even for a house like the Swanson's, which was the size of a mansion, all those kids made it pretty noisy in there. But it didn't seem to bother Mary at all, or Mr. Swanson. The two of them seemed to be completely at peace and content with their surroundings. Mary gave Love, Hope and Amir a huge bear hug.
"We have a meal like a thanksgiving feast ready for tonight."
Amir's stomach was already growling. He had eaten enough for an army at the wedding reception earlier that afternoon, but he already felt like he was starving again. "It sure smells good, Ma'am."
"Don't call me Ma'am Amir, we are family now." "What would you like me to call you?"
Mary was quiet. She wasn't sure herself what Amir should call her, maybe Miss Mary or Aunt Mary would be good. Then Hope blurted out a suggestion, "Just call her Nana, Amir."
Mary smiled at Hope and her eyes began to swell up. But then Mary looked over at Love with a worried sort of look. Mary wasn't sure about how Love felt about the newly appointed title, and she also wasn't sure if she was worthy of being called her friend Jennie's old title.
Love knew exactly what Mary was thinking when she saw Mary look over at her anxiously. "Yeah I think that is the perfect name for Amir to call Mary, "Nana", it's perfect. Nana use to watch over all the kids and now you are doing the same thing Mary, watching over everyone else's kids."
Mary smiled at her new family and announced in a booming voice that everyone was there and it was time to eat. The dining room table was decked out with food. Amir thought he had never seen so much food in one place in his entire life. One thing was clear already about Hope, she was a great soldier but she could not cook anything, she even messed up boiled eggs. Amir had already figured out he would probably be doing most of the cooking for them both. Then Love noticed John sitting at a corner seat at the table, and John said, "About time you guys got here, cause I'm ready to eat."
Hope smiled at John and then she looked over at Love, and whispered, "you can't fight fate." "Good to see you again John, I haven't really had a chance to talk to you during the wedding."
"Hi Hope, Amir, Love. Well I have to warn you guys, I don't do much talking when I'm hungry, only eating, but we will have plenty of time to talk after dinner. So Love I guess I'll get to spend a little more time with you before you fly out after all?"
"I guess so. Mary, you sure did go through a lot of trouble tonight. This is so extravagant. Thank you for inviting us."
"Oh, I didn't do this all on my own. With all these children I would have to cook enough for an army, every day. My husband, got us not one, but two world renowned chefs for tonight. But the kids and I did prepare some special dishes on our own. It was a lot of fun. I'm just having so much fun, having my own family. Everyday is better than the next day."
"That's good Mary, I'm so happy for you, and I know Nana would have been so happy for you too."
Mary went to gather up her husband and all of her children, and then they all sat down to eat. John motioned to Love to take a seat right next to him, but Amir inadvertently grabbed Hope and Love's hands and rushed over to sit across the table from John with his mother and aunt on both sides of him.
John smiled, he wanted to be close to Love, but he couldn't be upset at Amir; he was happy to see the boy so at peace after everything he had been through. Children are so resilient, he thought. "So Amir, are you starving like Marvin, like I am?"
"Who's Marvin, John?"
All the older people started laughing. "Oh Marvin, he's no one Amir, it's just an old folks saying. Finally, everyone's here and seated. Can we eat now Mary?"
"John since you are a pastor now and I still can't believe one of my best attorneys just up and left the firm. Well anyway like I was saying since you are a pastor now how about you do the honors of saying grace for your old boss?"
"No problem Mr. Swanson. God bless this food and the hands that prepared it. Amen."
"Wow you weren't joking about being hungry John. I hope your sermon on Sunday isn't as short, or I might see you back at the firm Monday morning", said Love.
"This goes without saying John, but you know you are always welcome to come back to the firm, just in case." Mr. Swanson was also now having his doubts about John's sudden career change after hearing his unimpressive and extremely short grace.
John tried not to laugh at what Love said because his mouth was already full of food, but everyone else at the table started laughing, and it felt like a real family dinner. Everyone felt it.
Once John had chewed and swallowed his food he said, "Thank you Mr. Swanson but this is where I need to be, I'm sure of it."
The food was delicious, but Love really wasn't that hungry, plus she was very distracted. She tried not to stare at John the entire night but she couldn't help looking over at him every chance she got. Love was also really enjoying the new family she now belonged to. She saw how comfortable John was in his conversations with everyone else in the room and she thought to herself, it seemed like with or without her, John now belonged to this family also.
When the night was over and they were all about to head home, Mary, said to Love and Hope, "do you think you girls could come to church with me tomorrow? I'm going to be baptized and become a member of your Nana's old church in Queens, where Faith got married?"
"What a coincidence. Amir and I were already planning on going there tomorrow for service. Love's not coming she says she's leaving out first thing in the morning. Amir was invited by his new girlfriend, and I'm just coming to keep an eye on him."
Amir overheard Hope and yelled, "She's not my girlfriend, not yet."
"Well I really wish you could be there too Love. You see at the wedding I was thinking, thinking about Nana and thinking about God. I want to dedicate the rest of my life to God. I want to call Jesus my savior, just like your Nana always prayed I would. I wish Faith could be there too, but I don't want to wait until she gets back from her honeymoon. I want to do it now in front of the whole church."
Love was feeling pressured, she really didn't want to go back to church again, especially two times in one weekend. "Well I would like to be there Mary, I really would, but my flight leaves before the morning service."
Mr. Swanson was eavesdropping on their conversation and interrupted. "Love aren't you taking the company jet. I know it's last minute but I will call the pilot now and tell him to change your flight plans because you will be leaving out later. It will be fine. You are a partner and I told you the jet is at your disposal whenever you need to use it. Remember you are in charge, the pilot is only your very trained and expensive chauffeur."
"Um, thank you Mr. Swanson, well Mary I guess I will be there after all." Love knew there was no way she was going to contradict what Mr. Swanson said, that would probably be career suicide, plus she really didn't want to hurt Mary's feelings anyway."
Then John walked up to them and he whispered to Love, "wish I had clout with you like old Mr. Swanson does. Somehow I seriously doubt I will be able to get you to agree to come visit my new church so easily."
"That's right John. Oh, and I meant to tell you good luck on your first day tomorrow and your sermon." Love wanted to say so much more to John but she could never find the right words. Her feelings for him were always so confusing to her. She wanted to be with him so badly, but then she was also scared of being with him at the same time. Everyone had went back into the dining room to say their goodbyes and collect their To Go bags from the chefs.
John pulled Love aside to a quiet part of the house, and Love felt her heart quicken.
"Love can I drive you back to your sister's house so we can have just a little time alone? Maybe we can stop off and get some coffee at a café and just talk for a while. I have so much I'd like to say to you."
Love fought back her desire to say yes, and her desire to just kiss him. He was standing so close to her that she could practically taste him as he whispered his questions to her. "I'm sorry John I have so much to get done back at Faith's place before I leave tomorrow, and I haven't even started packing."
John was disappointed, and he didn't try to hide it. "Well I guess I will have to settle with a phone call to you tomorrow night then, that's if you pick up."
"I'm sorry John."
No, that's alright Love. You have a lot to do, I understand."
Everyone had returned to the front room to end the night. They all gave each other hugs and kisses, and said their goodbyes for the night at the door. John hugged Love at the door and she felt her body go weak in his arms. She wanted so much to stay in his arms. It was as if the chemistry between them was growing by leaps and bounds ever since their first kiss in Africa.
Back at Faith's house, once Love turned in for the night, she dreamed about John all that night.
At church the next morning, Love sat through the service, uncomfortable, feeling as if she didn't belong there. There were the pristine ladies sitting in their big hats. The choir sounded better than any band she'd seen in LA. They had the whole congregation jumping and after every pause someone would yell out, "Amen". There were people talking in tongues during the service, and screaming out praises. The pastor was talking about the sins of the world, and how to be a saint in a sinners' world. It was Baptist Church In it's truest form that morning!
Love imagined if all the women and elders there knew all she had done in her life that they would all stand up and just quietly usher her out the side door. It was obvious Hope did not feel the same way. Hope and Amir were both all into the sermon. Hope was crying sometimes and praising God and yelling out, thank you Jesus. Hope was all into it and so was Amir. And from the looks of it Amir wasn't even preoccupied with looking over at the pastor's daughter, who he was sitting next to being that he was her guest. Love was surprised about that most of all. She assumed Amir would spend the whole sermon staring at his new love interest. After all wasn't that the whole reason he was there.
It was then that Love realized she seemed to be the only one in the church who wasn't lost in the praising and the pastor's sermon. It seemed like she was the only one who wasn't moved in an extraordinary, spiritual way. Love couldn't help wondering, "what's wrong with me?"
Then finally the pastor was finished with his sermon. Love was thinking, "thank God, I thought he was never going to wrap it up." Love looked at her watch, noticing they had been there for almost three hours already and now the pastor was making an altar call. She thought, "I should have known." He wanted the new members to come up. He introduced them to the church. He explained that not only had they all decided to join the church as members, but that they also had decided to declare to the church that Jesus was their savior and to be baptized that day. Then one by one each member was dunked in the water. When the last member was baptized the pastor asked for the elders of the church and family members to come up and pray over them.
Mary looked so proud to be standing up there. Mary was crying tears of joy and her husband was too. Mr. Swanson, Hope and Amir went to stand and pray next to her. Love stayed in her seat, she felt uncomfortable enough. There was no way she was going to get up and pretend she was praying in front of everyone.
Mary had her eyes closed as she listened to the elders praying over her, and she could have swore she heard Jennie's voice whispering, "see Mary, God does answer our prayers, he does."
After service was over, the church had a reception with food in the basement for its' new members and their guest. Love stayed and helped the others clean and put away the dishes. She saw how happy everyone seemed around her, and how connected they all seemed to be, but somehow even though she was surrounded by people, she still felt all alone. She had already called a cab with her cell phone to take her to the airport, and she had placed her one suitcase in the church's front lobby closet. The pastor's daughter came in the kitchen and told Love her cab was waiting for her outside. Love told everyone she had to head out, that she had a big day ahead of her tomorrow. Hope said, "wait Love, Amir and I will come with you and see you off."
"No Hope, you and Amir stay and enjoy your selves." It was obvious to Love, that Amir wasn't ready to leave. He was looking very comfortable around the pastor's daughter, and also around her parents. Hope wanted to spend what little time she had left that day with her sister. Then the pastor's wife offered to give Amir a ride home later on that day, if it was okay with Hope.
Amir was in the back, secretly mouthing, "please", to Hope. Hope said thank you to the pastor and his wife for volunteering to drive her son home, and then she left out to take Love to the airport.
On the cab ride to the airport, Hope talked about how nice the pastor and his family seemed and how down to earth they were. She mentioned how the pastor talked about all the different outreach programs and members groups they have at the church and how she thought she would find out more and join some of them. Love noticed how Hope's face seemed shining with the expectation of a new and joyful life ahead of her. Love was happy for her sister. She was so happy for both of her sisters. But she couldn't help but think how it seemed like after all she had been through she was just going back to the same life she had before and she didn't understand why going back didn't make her happy. After all, her life back in LA was everything she thought she had ever wanted, success, power, she had friends, and riches. Now she also had her sisters, and she knew she would see them every single weekend. Mr. Swanson had already promised the company jet was hers to use anytime she wanted. Besides, even if she did work in New York, her work would keep her so busy during the week that she doubted she would be able to see her sisters during the weekdays if she lived in New York anyway. She knew she would talk to them every day on the phone also. So why was she so sad? She had everything now. Yet she still felt so unfulfilled. She thought about John, but she wasn't sure being with him would make her happy either.
Hope noticed Love seemed as if she was in another world, not really listening to what she was saying to her, but thinking about something entirely different. "Is something wrong Love?"
"No, nothing's wrong, I'm fine."
"Are you sure because you don't seem fine?"
"I guess I'm a little sad about leaving, that's all."
"I know, I'm sad to see you and Faith gone too, but it's only temporary. I mean Faith will be back in two weeks and I'll be seeing you on Friday night, right?"
"Definitely Hope, I'll be back Friday night I promise. I was thinking, on Saturday we can have a girls' day at the spa, and then on Saturday night let's have a ladies night out."
"Um sure that sounds great." But Hope was really wondering what Amir would do all alone while she spent a whole day and night out with Love. Love seemed excited so she didn't want to mention her misgivings, so instead she said, "you just promise to call me as soon as you get in, alright?"
"Yes Ma'am, as soon as I land I will call you."
"So is it John? Is that's what has you looking so down? Why don't you just stop by and see him before you fly out, Love?"
"Okay maybe it is John, a little, I admit it. But it's also more than that, I just haven't really put my finger on it Hope. But I don't want you to worry about it, okay."
"I won't worry, if you don't forget to call every day." "Deal."
Once they arrived at the airport Hope hugged Love and she knew then she couldn't let her go without finally being honest. Then she abruptly blurted it out,
"Love I never met you that day long ago, at the bus stop, because...., Mr. Smith, my foster dad, had found out about our plans and had threatened to kill you if I ever told you that, .... he raped me. He used to rape me, all the time, Love, all the time. I should have told you. I'm sorry I didn't. I often thought about it and maybe if I would have told you, you would have known I was staying with Ms. Armstrong and you would have spent your last night at Ms. Armstrong's apartment with me and her, and maybe you would have been at her apartment waiting for me the night of the fire and who knows maybe you would have stayed in New York if you knew I wasn't dead and we would have never been separated all these years..... I'm sorry, sorry that I wasn't honest with you and I'm sorry I didn't try to find you. "
Love looked at Hope in shock. A part of her had suspected that bad things probably happened to Hope, but she didn't know what. But Love never once thought it was that bad, and now she just felt a deep sense of guilt for not protecting her little sister. "That's a lot of maybes Hope. It's not your fault, if anything it's my fault we were separated, I'm the oldest. I was suppose to protect you. I'm so sorry Hope, I'm so sorry, I wasn't there for you."
"No it's not your fault either Love. He was a sick man and I'm okay now. There was nothing you could have done, you didn't know. I've even forgiven him for what he did, he was a sick, sick man, but I wanted to tell you just because I didn't want to keep any more secrets from you. And I needed to tell you, that what happened to me is what kept me from God for so many years. For so many years I was angry at God, for allowing it to happen to me. I was angry at God for everything, losing Nana, you and Faith and then for letting Mr. Smith hurt me. I noticed you didn't come to the altar, and I knew I had to tell you then what had happened. I wanted you to know, if there is ever anything you want or need to tell me..., well I just don't want anything that's burdening you, to keep you from God, like it did me for so many years."
"Hope I promise that if I ever need to talk, you know, you will be the first person I call. But really I'm okay. It sounds like my life has been a bed of roses compared to your life Hope, and I feel so bad and guilty about that."
"Don't feel bad for me, I'm happy and at peace now, and that is all that matters."
On the plane ride back to LA, Love had a lot to think about, like imagining all the horrible things that had happened to Hope. She wondered how Hope survived all she had gone through and how she could seem so happy and grounded. She wished she was as strong and as good as Hope.
Love thought to herself, "I don't feel like crying, but I also don't feel all joyful and happy like my sisters are feeling, I just sort of feel, empty inside, just empty."
She wondered why she just couldn't feel excited about coming back to her home in La, back to her firm and her new title as partner. When Love reached the airport in LA, and got off the jet, there was no one waiting for her because she hadn't called anyone to meet her; she wasn't in the mood to see her friends. She grabbed the cab to her luxurious home in the Hills. She found her mailbox filled with mail, and her answering machine so filled with messages from her friends and male acquaintances that no more messages could be left. She knew she had some great girlfriends in LA. She had girlfriends who loved her no matter who she was or what she did, but she still never opened up to them either. She saw on the kitchen table all the pictures her real estate agent left of the beach houses she was considering purchasing. Her agent was also one of her close friends. But she didn't feel like looking at the pictures, or going through the mail, or returning phone calls, she didn't even feel like going through her emails to see what her schedule looked like back at the firm for tomorrow.
She sat back in her sofa and she picked up the photo album on the coffee table. Then she looked at the pictures of herself and her friends in California. There was a picture of her and John at one of the office barbeques that she paused and stared at for a long time. She felt something pierce through the emptiness she felt inside when she thought about John. Looking at John's picture filled her heart up. She thought briefly, "I should call him", but as soon as she thought it, she changed her mind.
Then she looked at the pictures that she kept in the back of the photo album. The ones that she kept in the cuff of the book, and never displayed, because it was always too painful to explain to people when they asked who the girls in the picture were. Love looked at the few pictures she had of her and her sisters, back when they were little girls, sitting on Nana's stoop, with Nana.
In a feverish rush, she opened one of her suitcases and threw the clothes out on the floor. She was searching for the wedding pictures they had taken with the instant camera at Faith's wedding. Love had went and gotten those pictures developed right after the wedding reception. Then she ran to her hallway closet where she had extra picture frames sitting there collecting dust. She wiped the frames off and she put the old pictures of her and her sisters in frames as well as the new pictures. Then she placed the pictures on the coffee table.
The whole time Love had lived at her house she only had expensive art on the wall, and expensive statutes on her coffee tables, never any pictures of friends or family. The one photo album is all she had. Mostly because she didn't want to seem strange when her friends came by to visit, and not have any personal pictures at all. Love sat back and looked at the pictures of herself, and her sisters in the frames. She realized for the first time ever, this house she lived in felt almost like a home with those pictures up. Then Love remembered, she was suppose to call Hope as soon as she had landed. So she got her cell phone out of her purse and called Hope. The first thing Love said when Hope picked up the phone was, "I know I should have called you an hour ago. I was thinking, do you think it's too early to call Faith up?"
"Naah." And they called Faith up on three way. Faith answered her cell right away. "Hey guys what's up?"
"I just got back to LA, and Amir has a girlfriend."
"Amir has a girlfriend?! Boy, he doesn't waste any time. Hope, you've got your hands filled with him Sis. Well I gotta say Hawaii is even more beautiful than what I imagined. I'm glad to hear from you twos, I miss you guys already."
Hope and Love heard Darryl in the background yell, "I know that's your sisters, tell them I said hi, and I'm going to go get in the shower now babe. Tell them that you better be off the phone by the time I'm out."
Faith giggled, "okay hubby. Hey he's in the shower now, I can talk. I just wanted to tell you guys, it is."
"It is what?" Love and Hope both asked.
"When you are in love, it is just like the movies, just like the romance novels, just like you always dreamed it would be when you was a girl."
"Well Hope I guess our little sister, is really, all grown up now, after almost thirty years, you're a real woman now." Then the three of them laughed together.
When Love was off the phone she looked around her home and she started to feel empty and lonely again. She thought about John and wanted to call him, but she felt like she shouldn't. The two of them lived such different lives she thought, maybe it was better to just let her friendship and whatever else she felt for him slowly drift away. Instead she looked at her journal book, sitting in her open suitcase and she decided to write, write what she was thinking about John versus telling him what she was thinking. Love's journal was still the only time she was totally honest about all her secret fears, desires, and feelings. She knew it was messed up that she had not one person in her life she had felt she could be totally open and honest with, but it was what it was, and it had worked for her for years, she didn't know how to open up anymore.
Now that she had her sisters in her life again, she felt like maybe one day she could get to the point where she could be open with them about everything. But she had to admit she wasn't there yet, and a part of her wondered if she ever would be. She was just so use to being alone, being disconnected from others. So once again, like so many times in her past, she resorted to writing what ailed her down in the pages of her journal.
She wrote love letters and poems that she knew she would never send to John, but somehow writing her feelings down made her feel less burdened by them, even if only for a moment. After she finished writing she decided to get herself ready and prepared for her first day at the firm as partner. She knew this was the day she had lived her whole life in California for to walk into her firm not as an associate, but as a partner. But she wasn't excited about it, she knew she should be more excited about it, but for some reason, she just wasn't. She had always pictured John being there at the firm on the day she became partner and sharing it with her best buddy. Now she felt like preparing for work tomorrow, and going through the tons of emails her co-workers and the partners no doubt had sent her while she was away was nothing less than a chore. She fixed herself some coffee and she got through her work.
Hours later she was finished with her work and laying in bed still tense and wound up, but exhausted all at the same time. She hated nights like this where she felt so exhausted, but insomnia kept her up. In the past when she had insomnia she would call up one of her male friends to help her get a good night's sleep. Sleep aids, really any drugs wasn't Love's thing, not after seeing what it did to her mom and dad. If wine couldn't do the trick then a man always did.
She just stared up at the ceiling and she started thinking about John. She thought about how close he was to her the other night, when he was whispering to her at Mary's house after dinner. She wanted so bad to kiss him then, to go off somewhere and be alone with him. She wished she would have now. She thought about how good he smelled, like coconut and spices. How whenever he was close to her it made her heart speed up and her body heat up like she had a fever. She thought about how long it had been since that kiss they shared in Africa. Then she thought about that kiss, and how his lips were so soft, and so full. Love knew she had never felt so lost before in a kiss, and she couldn't help but remember how his kiss left her feeling.
The next thing she knew she had found another way to relax herself in the quietness and darkness, alone in her bedroom while she thought about John. Before she knew it she was falling fast asleep, after whispering John's name out loud, several times....
The next day Love arrived at work bright and early. Love was the first person to arrive at the firm for work besides Wendy, the early morning receptionist. Wendy was excited to see Love. Most of the female staff admired and respected Love for being competitive, but also down to earth. There were only a handful of female attorneys that worked at the firm and it was amazing to most of the employees there, that the next partner after twenty two years of no associate being selected as partner, was going to be a woman, and a black woman at that.
"Good morning Love, did you enjoy your vacation? We really missed you around here."
"Thank you Wendy. I had a great vacation, thanks for asking." Then Love started walking down the hallway to her office; when Wendy yelled to her, "Love, you're going the wrong way."
"What do you mean Wendy?"
"Your office is now located on the fifteenth floor, you know where all the partners offices are located. So you need to take the elevator to the right, up there, and the early morning receptionist up there, his name is Kevin, he will be there to give you your keys to your new office."
"Oh. I knew they would be moving me, but I didn't think they would do it before I got back. Thanks Wendy, well I guess I'll be seeing you later." Love walked back towards the elevator to go up a few more floors. Before the elevator doors opened, Wendy whispered, "you go get them." Love smiled at Wendy, and she couldn't help teasing her by humming the theme song from "The Jeffersons", "where a moving on up..." Wendy was an older black woman in her late fifties and Love knew she would really get a kick out of hearing her sing that song.
She could hear Wendy laughing to herself even after the elevator doors shut behind her.
Love had been on the partner's floor several times, but like most of the other associates, usually she was there for firm meetings in the conference room. However, because Love had a special relationship with Mr. Swanson, he had invited her up to his office to share a brandy on the balcony every once in a blue moon. The other attorneys were always envious and had a million questions to ask her about what the inside of the senior partner's office looked like. Love had fun telling them how incredible it was, and how the offices looked like penthouse apartments. But today Love was on the fifteenth floor, the prestigious partner's floor, to go sit behind her own desk, in her own office. For the first time Love started to feel excited about being back to work and in LA. When the elevator stopped and Love got off she saw Kevin. Kevin was a third year law student and the partner's part-time receptionist and law clerk.
"Good morning, Ms. King. My name is Kevin. Wendy already informed me that you were here. Here are your office keys. They already transferred all your belongings from your old office to your new office. Your office is the third one to the left."
"Thank you Kevin."
"No problem, you just let me know if there is anything at all you need. Wendy already told me how you take your coffee, so I took the liberty to leave a hot cup and the newspaper on your desk Ma'am."
Love smiled. Kevin was very pleasant to look at and very young. "Please Kevin just call me Love, all the staff did on my old floor. Ma'am is for old ladies and you don't think I'm old do you?"
"Oh no Ms. King, no not at all, I mean Love."
"That's good because did you know I'm the youngest partner at any law firm on the West Coast. At least that's what I read in the California Lawyer's weekly yesterday."
"Wow Ms. King, I mean Love, sorry."
I know that's what I thought when I read it, Wow. You know Kevin I think I'm really going to like it up here, especially with you as the receptionist."
Kevin started to blush. Kevin was not use to anyone flirting with him, especially someone so beautiful, and his superior at work. He was a young law student, with brown reddish curly hair, pale milky skin and huge dimples in his cheeks. Love thought he was just adorable. Being that Love was a natural flirt, she really couldn't help herself but to flirt a little with Kevin.
"I'm sorry Kevin I didn't mean to embarrass you. So are any of the other partners in yet?"
Kevin stumbled over his words for a quick second before he regained his bearings and was able to answer Love. "No, Ms. K..., Love you're the first one in. In fact, none of the other partners come in this early unless they have an early morning appointment. If you want I can ring you as soon as the others show up, but most likely, they will all be going straight to your office to greet you anyway. I know most of the staff is intimidated by the other partners, but they are really a bunch of laid back, friendly guys. I mean they have no reason not to be when you think about it, they are all filthy rich."
"I guess you're right about that. I hope one day you will be referring to me as "filthy" too Kevin." Love gave Kevin a quick, very charming smile and then she continued down the hall to her office.
As Kevin watched her walking away he could tell his cheeks were hot from blushing again. He thought, "I am really going to have to control this now that I will be seeing her regularly." Kevin had went to observe one of Love's murder trial's his first year in law school, and he'd had a crush on her ever since. He couldn't believe he would now be working in such close proximity to her.
Once Love got to her office the first thing she noticed was the name plaque that was on her door. Love E. King, Esquire, and underneath that was, Partner. When Love opened the door to her new office she was happily surprised. She expected her office as a partner would be bigger, and fancier, but she never expected this. Her office was and exact duplicate of  Mr. Swanson's office. Love always assumed that Mr. Swanson's office was the best office in the building because he was the founding partner of the firm. He started off as a solo- practice attorney, almost fifty years ago right out of law school, back then the firm was called Swanson's Law Office. So she just assumed Mr. Swanson's office was just special, she had never imagined that all the partners had the exact same office design. Love quietly closed the door to her office behind her, and then she quietly, jumped up and down. She felt like a kid in a candy store for the first time. She locked the door so no one could walk in on her acting so juvenile. The office was covered with balloons and flowers from all the partners, associates and staff members that Love worked with. First thing Love did was to take the time to read all the cards that were attached to the different bundles of balloons, flowers and bottles of wine. There were also various gifts from old clients among the other gifts. And there was a bouquet of flowers from John, his card was simple, "Congratulations Love, and I miss you." Love felt a sudden pain in her heart, but she quickly told herself to dismiss it and to stay focus on the here and now.
She shook it off and moved on to the three other large rooms inside her office. Besides the actual office area, where her desk, files, books, guest chairs and computer were located there was also a conference room, a relaxation room and a very spacious bathroom. The conference room included a flat screen TV, swivel chairs, podium and an overhead for presentations. The relaxation room in the rear of the office was what Love was really excited about, it was equipped with another flat screenTV, a stereo system with an outlet for her IPOD, a pull out sofa that turned into a bed, love seats, a kitchen with all the amenities, a wet bar, free and fully stocked with all types of spirits, a treadmill and free weights, because the partners all knew Love was an exercise fanatic. The private full bathroom had a huge Jacuzzi tub, and another balcony, overlooking the beautiful, foggy City of Angels, and a walk in closet. Love thought to herself, "I could live here in this office, and never need to go home again." She knew that was exactly what the senior partners were thinking when they first designed these partner suites for themselves.
As an attorney, you were expected to work constantly, and after a while your office became a second home. Becoming partner really didn't change any of that, except that no one kept tabs on how you put your 80 hours in. Partners were considered to always be working. If they were playing golf, they were actually making a deal. If they were out eating dinner, they probably were handling a client between bites. There was no doubt that they still worked just as hard. But now Love could see that the benefit of becoming partner was not just the money, the power, the prestige. It was obvious the biggest benefit was going to be the extra perks. Before Love could really take it all in, she heard her phone ringing and people knocking at her door. She took a deep breath in, and said to herself, "this is my life, everything I've worked for and always wanted, now it's time to get back to living it, and stop acting like a crazy woman, depressed for no good reason at all." She turned around, whipped back her hair, and walked over to her office door to greet her co-workers and to start her work day. She was determined to stop acting like the pathetic, love sick girl she had become within the last month and to start acting like the confident, independent, strong woman on the title of her new office door again, "Love E. King, Esquire, Partner."