I forgot to tell you that I love you

My Ephebe

Nathaniel writes how much he forgot concerning his relationship with Marc. The details coming back. The happiness that faded away. People's happiness bothers him a lo. he feels like a prisoner, trapped in a time that doesn't exist anymore. Alix asks him to take care of himself more instead of vagetate. Nath stopped eating, he's pale and seems sick.

He then writes about Marc quickly becoming the center of his own universe but wasn't aware of how much he was captivated.

Memory 1

Nath goes to a party with his classmates on Juleka's ship. He wanted Marc to come with him but didn't dare to ask if he could. It was a party for the class after all. The party goes well but then, Nath sees Marc, smiling , very elegant and make up on, watching him, hands in pocket. They look each other in the eyes and it's like time is stopping around them. Then Luka comes by and clutches Marc. They both leave in front of Nath's eyes who is just taken aback. Marc and Luka are friends after all. Marc is embarrased and send Nath a small sign of the hand.

Nath sulks, jealous of what happened, on the stern of the ship, alone with an orange juice. Juleka 's mom does not allow them to drink alcohol, they're still underage. After a while being alone, watching the flow of the river, Marc joins him. He smells of beer because he shared one with Luka. Nath feels pathetic and like a little boy with his orange juice while Marc seems more mature and like an adult now. Marc sits next to Nath and explains why he's here: Luka sent him a message saying his sister was having a party with her classmates and that he didn't want to feel lonely. He keeps going by telling Nath, he told Luka that he came because he wanted to see Nath. Nath is happy but still sulks because he wanted to be the one inviting Marc. Then, they share some times alone, together before going back to the party, dancing and having fun.

Memory 2

Nath writes about Marc and the fact that he was a really beautiful boy. Very androgynous, with touch of make up, but still beautiful without make up. Maybe even more. He explains that he could have all the girlfriends he wanted but Marc was always pretending he was too busy for this and that. Marc always pretended they needed to work on their comics blablabla... But at that time, Marc was also struggling with puberty. his body was changing, while Nath thought he was staying the same. Marc was growing tall, having new muscles. his face changed becoming more angular with more masculine features. His voice was also changing, going deeper. He didn't like and sometimes stalk talking. Sometimes Marc comes to school without make-up. Nath knew something was wrong, but he loved Marc's new body. He always used Marc as reference for anatomy, asking him to pose on the bed, while Nath draws him.

One day, whilst Marc is sleeping at Nath's place, after he took a bath, Nath goes back to his room and sees Marc observing his body, horrified, in the mirror. Marc sees Nathaniel and stops pretending everything is fine. Nath sees all the sadness on Marc's face. Marc goes to sit on Nath's bed.

"_ I don't want this body! I don't want to grow up!"

But Marc never cried while saying that. Nath closes the distance between them and embrace him tightly against his chest. Nath is the one crying.

"_ Why Marc! Your the most beautiful person in the entire world! You're beautiful! A work of art!"

Then they went to bed together. Nath invited Marc in his bed for the first time since they met, and he hugged Marc tightly and they fell asleep. The next morning, the sun falls on Marc. Nath wakes up and tells him how beautiful he is and that he will tell him everyday until they die if he needs to. Marc gets up, goes to take a shower, and when he comes back in Nath's room, he has his hair cut and his lipstick back on.

Present Nath understands that Marc was scared to grow up because he was afraid to lose Nath forever, that Nath wouldn't be interested in him anymore.

Memory 3

Nath and Marc both works together on the comic, lying next to each other on Nath's bed. Nath is drawing and Marc works on the following episode. But Marc needs a break. he extends his arm on Nath's material and pillow, destroying what he was working on. Nath also decides to take a break and sit his head on Marc shoulder. They're both really close from each other. Marc is flushing red. Then he takes his courage and turn is head to face Nath. They're so close to each other. They're talking, and feels the breath of each other. It's a really close moment. They look each other in the eyes and it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist anymore. Then, Nath decides to trace Marc's face features with his fingers. He wants to touch everything : His hair, his skin, his eyes, his jaw, his lips. He wants to discover the secret in Marc's beauty. Nath's touch is like a caress for Marc.

"_ You're sculpting me! I'm your creation!"

Nath smiles. By doing that, Nath thinks he can finally manage to draw Marc perfectly. He explains that he had dozen of painting or portaits of Marc but he can't really graps what he's lacking in it. Then, Marc falls asleep under Nath's delicate touch. Nath decides to keep exploring Marc's body by touching his chest. Then he compares Marc's chest to his own and thinks of himself as a little boy while seeing Marc becoming a beautiful man. It makes him feel bad to see the difference between the two of them. Marc, while asleep, closes his arm around Nath. Nath is surprised. He wants to get away but doesn't want to wake up Marc who seemed peaceful. So, he embraces the sleeping boy back and nuzzle his head in Marc's chest. He falls alsleep angainst him.

When he wakes up, Marc is working at Nath's desk.

Present Nath apologizes for being selfish and for wanting Marc to be his. He thinks he has been punished for his Hybris. Now, he's tired and wants to fall in an eternal sleep where he can be with Marc again.

"When I was with you, the world felt right."