I forgot to tell you that I love you

Apollon, my mother and me

Nath writes in the notebook. He just woke up in his new appartment, half naked, half asleep on his sofa. His appartement is empty and cold. His mother finally let him go. He's 21yo. The previous day, the boys helped him to move out and the girls joined with food and drink after they finished to celebrate.

"I finally let go of my past by leaving my old self with Marc's ghost in my room."

He says that his old bedroom was like a golden jail for him and it was torture to sleep in his bed. Marc was everywhere in his room.

Nath remembers about his mornings with Marc, when they used to sleep together in the same bed. He remembers the fact that he pretended to sleep while watching Marc getting off the bed and putting his clothes on. Marc loved to sleep only in underpants. So Nath could see his body and muscles, observing how much Marc changed in the few years they were together. Nath likes to watch his back, the muscles, the movements.

Sometimes he didn't want Marc to go away from his arms so he stays attached to him, pretending to sleep. Marc gets up anyways with Nath in his arms, hanging like a koala to his tree. Marc always takes a moment to kiss Nath's neck and shoulders with tons of light kisses, but Nath doesn't want to move. Then, Marc put his pants back and grabs his t-shirt from the floor, still having Nath in koala mode. He's hugging Marc. The tall boy goes to the kitchen like that and have to get rid of his boyfriend by making him sit on the chair. Mrs Kurtzberg always scolds Nath because his attitude towards Marc, while he puts his t-shirt on. Marc feels embarrassed by the situation everytime it happens.

Then Nath talks about his relation with his mother and the fact that Marc was really scared of her. The punk boy didn't want to make any move on Nath in front of his mother. Despite that, a few times, she saw them kissing. When such a thing happens, Marce always pushes Nath violently bask saying like an idiot:

"_ I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!"

Sometimes, in the morning, mom enters the bedroom while they are still both in bed sleeping to tell them that breakfast is ready. And when she does, Marc always falls of the bed, making Mrs Kurtzberg laugh.

When watching movies together with Nath's parents, Nath and Marc always sits together in a sofa under a blanket, secretly cuddling. But Marc can never watch a movie till the end and always falls asleep. His head falls on Nath's shoulder and his arm goes around Nath who likes that very much. When it is time to go to bed, Marc always wakes up, alarmed that he did something wrong in front of Nath's parents.

Nath writes that his mother loved Marc very much and that if she could she would have marry them...

"Marc is beautiful like Apollon!"

Another memory he has is about Marc always coming at his place with flowers. When Nath opens the door, the tall punk always freezes and ends up giving the flowers to his mother. This situation with flowers started before they end up together, but now, Nath understands that the flowers were for him and not his mother. He understands why his mother always put the flowers on his desk. These flowers he used to receive inspired a drawing. Indeed Nath drew a portrait of Marc smiling with a pencil only, with a crown made of flowers. And the crown is done with dried flowers coming from each bouquet.

Nath writes then that he doesn't have this portrait anymore, like any other drawing or painting he did of Marc. He had tons. He liked to paint Marc but never showed them and they all ended up hidden in his closet. Not even Marc saw them. He explains that he threw all of his all paintings away a year ago, thinking he could get better like that.