The Treachery In Our Midst

Miss Me?

Skulduggery and Valkyrie and left Ghastly and Tanith to their making out since they were due to leave for the dimension in an hour. They needed to pack their things. Skulduggery was trying to figure out how to pack all his hats. All 268 of them.

That was an hour and one minute ago. Now they were walking through a very itchy field with suspiciously long grass. The grass scratched at Valkyries thighs. Constantly itching them and swishing. It was driving her insane.

"Can't we just fly to the closest town?" Moaned Valkyrie, desperate to leave the swishy grass behind. Skulduggery turned his skull to look at her.

"You're perfectly capable of walking."

"But I don't want to! There's nothing to do and this grass is driving me crazy! Constantly being bratty and itching me." She whined.

"Have you tried asking it politely to stop?" Suggested Skulduggery. Valkyrie scowled.

"Why would I do that? The grass can't hear me. That's so stupid."

"Just give it try. You'll never know what will work in other dimensions." He prompted. Valkyrie sighed.

"If I ask the grass to stop and it doesn't, will you shut up and fly us to the next town?"

"Certainly." Skulduggery replied jovially. He stopped and watched her, waiting for her to talk to the grass. 

Valkyrie felt like an idiot, but she was willing to do anything to escape the itchy field. "Grass?" She began hesitantly, "Will you please stop scratching me? If you don't, I'll set you on fire." To her surprise, the grass stopped swaying and itching her.

That surprise very quickly turned to suspicion. She turned and faced Skulduggery. "You're controlling the grass using the air, aren't you?" She accused. Skulduggery tilted his head and raised his hand to his chest, pretending to be offended.

"And why ever would you think that?"

"Because talking to grass is a stupid idea that would never work and you can control air."

"Good. Just making sure you had a reason for informing me of something I already know of." Valkyrie walked over and grabbed Skulduggery.

"If you wanted a hug you could have just asked." Valkyrie scowled at him.

"We're flying aren't we?"

"The grass stopped scratching you, did it not? Our deal said that we would walk if the grass stopped scratching you. It had nothing in there on how." Valkyrie jumped up and snatched Skulduggery's hat. She held it out in front of her and clicked her fingers, summoning a flame. She held the frightened fedora out on top of the fireball in her hand.

"It's either we walk and your hat gets burnt or we fly and it lives to see another day." Valkyrie threatened. Skulduggery huffed and went to grab his hat but Valkyrie moved it away from him and closer to the flame.

"Fine! We'll fly. The town was only over this hill anyway." Valkyrie frowned and handed back the hat. Skulduggery positioned it on his head and straightened his tie.

"Nah. If it's that close, I think I'll walk." Skulduggery shook his head and continued walking. Soon they arrived in a small, yet modest looking town. People graced the streets wearing an odd sort of uniform. Their clothes were so brown that they were at the point of looking like they were made of mud. Skulduggery quickly activated his façade, and a pale face with a little bit of stubble, blonde hair and one blue eye and one green eye, washed over his face like the titanic sponges in a car wash. Valkyrie looked at him curiously. Obviously she hadn't been paying attention when Saracen explained that mortals wear only the most hideous shades of brown.

He smiled at the memory of Saracen running up to them just before they left and bending down panting, holding up one finger in pause. He looked extremely undignified. Skulduggery wasn't sure whether he simply forgot to tell them because he joined a spontaneous musical number, or whether his power simply told him just then.

"Mortals wear brown. We don't want to frighten them"

"Yes, the ugliness of your face would give them quite a shock."

"No, no, my naïve Valkyrie, the sheer brilliance of my face would shock to unimaginable extents."

"Technically, you don't have a face."

"Are you calling me a Faceless One? I know I'm god-like but that's taking it a bit far."

"That isn't what I mean. I mean you have a skull instead of a face."

"And it is a very handsome skull at that." Valkyrie ignored him and kept on walking. She was getting a bit uncomfortable having people watch them bicker in the streets.

"Do you even know where we're going?" She whinged. Skulduggery tilted his head at her in a vague reassurance.

"Sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of?" She demanded.

"Best case scenario, we run into the resistance."

"Worse case?"

"Mevolent comes and kills us all, but in the meantime we need to find somewhere to stay the night." Ignoring the first part of comment, Valkyrie glanced around the town searching for something that resembled a hotel. The closest she got was a tavern. A tavern. In the 21st century! In her mind, that was just wrong. How mortals had been so oppressed that she couldn't even get free WIFI in a hotel. Nooo. She had to stay the night in a tavern. In a world with no WIFI! She sighed dejectedly.

"We could always go into the tavern and ask if we can stay the night." Valkyrie suggested, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the tavern. Skulduggery nodded, walked over to the tavern extremely quickly, opened the door and walked in. He did that because there were no windows. Shameful. Absolutely shameful. They should know that doors are for people with no imagination.

When Valkyrie walked through the door, the most peculiar sensation overcame her. It was if she was being searched. She turned to Skulduggery, about to ask him if he felt it as well, when she noticed two things, the first one being that Skulduggery was no longer wearing his façade. An idea clicked in her mind when she glimpsed a couple of lightly pulsing sigils on the door. It was probably a spell to strip away disguises and facades. Just like the waterfall in Gringrotts. 

The second thing she noticed was that a meeting was being held at a toad-shaped table, and everyone had halted the meeting to gape at them. The thing that caught her eye about these people though, was their faces. She knew who they were. China Sorrows and the Dead Men.

She became aware of Skulduggery leaning on the door frame, looking all dramatic.

"Miss me?" He asked.

A/N So sorry. I'm trying to work through my motivation block, so this probably isn't my best work. You keep on updating Skulduggery Pleasant, Athena and I'll keep on trying.