what is writing anymore?
it seems a bit like every topic blurs together, sounding the same, sounding dull.
maybe maybe.
i'm struggling with the same thing, too stubborn to let go
move on.
maybe maybe.
will life always be like this? a cycle that never stops spinning.
the same problems over and over
and over
again.
maybe a pinch here and there of
difference.
i live for that.
bit of colour that stands out.
i want to be that.
but why does grey have to exist for the colour to contrast
like lightning and thunder, hand in hand, yet very different.
hand me a gun, it won't work without a magazine.
i'm disappointed in myself
for being
restless.
i'm disappointed in myself
because i ask questions
i know the
answers
to.
i'm restless
because
i'm tired of living
in this
self created
cage of
denial.
so hovering
and numbing
it doesn't fix
this broken mix
of lost
something glossed
we've always tried
do it right
never fail
but forget that trail
here we go
just fighting each row
one by one
gun by gun
willing to fall
for almost all
except myself.
i'm a coward, not asking for help.
pretend you're someone else
hoping maybe
i'll just become them, compress
cause who am i
to deny
i won't even try.
darlin' vulnerability makes you weak
so put that red beam on my forehead.
maybe to some this'll leak
but hell, i'm good as dead.
and this is why you, my dear words
are an outlet.
sometimes to share,
sometimes just for me
cause now it's gone
i know i'll be okay
cause this cursed paper knows
every secret
every twisted one
worse than me.
alright goodnight.
he's come back now
i'll be alright.
—
alright i'm back
i might've pushed away
cause a mind gone slack
is easier than letting him stay
dear lord i've become a drug
addict to myself
let it off with one shrug
leave it on a shelf
one cannot focus
lest he fall for the rust
old things become new
must i continue
im tired of falling
when the bottom is shallow
but this addict's afraid of leaving
the golden heart in the hollow
so alright i'll run in circles
away from what i want
not quite near what i need
- - after - -
So here, the addict will punish themselves
Believing the lie
My own pride is strong enough to save lives.
Come home dear
You're tired
Afraid of fear
Mortified.
Settle here
Opening does not sear
Pain will clear
Shadows become rare.
for the greatest of your fears:
let it not be yourself
