Around and around I keep going. There is no escape from this place. I'm stuck. There is no salvation, only more stairs to climb up.
D laughs and sneers at me.
"Why are you bothering? Your stuck in a loop."
Axel is quiet for once. Maybe he isn't here?
"I DON'T LIKE THIS WHY CAN'T WE GET OUT?!"
Spoke too soon.
"Well well my dear, you will look sooooo good after running around these stairs as many times as you are!"
Oh Ana, thank you for that bit of encouragement. Even though these stairs aren't real, I feel the effects of my mind constantly running like this taking effect on my body.
My thoughts congregate around me echoing throughout the stairwell. I can barely hear them but I know they are there.
"What is your problem?"
My lover and I are fighting again. Going around and around in circles on this infinite stairwell.
"YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS."
I yell back at him. Passionately, but not listening to him and what he was trying to say.
Round and round we go. We aren't stopping anytime soon.
Why do I even bother? I think to myself.
"Yeah-why DO you bother?"
Darn it D! For once can't you just be quiet!?
"No way that's going to happen. I'm here for the long run!"
How unsettling.
My lover and I keep shouting at each other and I give in. I can't anymore. I'm upset, tired, and vulnerable.
We decide to work it out again because everything can be worked out.
But I'm still here. On this stairwell.. walking. Trying to get to the top, but don't know if i'm making any progress.
"WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT MAKING PROGRESS. WILL WE EVER ESCAPE THIS PLACE?!"
Okay Axel sheesh. I get it. I'm stuck.
My thoughts swirl around in my head. There's nothing I can do about them. Control isn't available to me at the moment. I can't even stop myself from running on these stairs.
My lover and I try to talk it out. But it ends up as a war zone again.
This isn't good.
"Well it's your fault. It's always your fault. You speak and say things that mess everything up! What is wrong with you?"
I don't know D. I really don't.
ВИ ЧИТАЄТЕ
All In The Family
Щоденники та біографіїA daily diary logging the journey with my friends Ana, her cousin D, and his brother Axel. I don't see them every day, but I do see them most days. This is dedicated to everyone who understands this struggle. Know you are not alone and know that...
