"Weirdo. Her style is soooo weird."
"Is she trying to be weird?"
"She's always weird."
I hear them say. But, the hell I care?
I love my style. I love my long socks, long skirt, long and oversized blouse, and my long, curly brown hair. I look like a nerd but without thick glasses. I like it this way.
People will judge you even if you're perfect. I was once perfect but many judged me too. I like it better when I'm not the perfect me. I like my conservative self. And I don't care what everyone says. I am still a human.
I smiled at my one and only friend, Ryza. She smiled and went to me.
"Hey!" I stopped when someone bumped in to me. It was not an accident!
She raised an eyebrow at me and made faces.
"At least say your apologies." I seriously said. She bumped to me in purpose! I would accept if she'd at least say sorry.
"Huh? Me? Sorry?" She looked at me from head to toe. "Over my dead body?"
I chuckled, sarcastically. Funny, I was like that before. I was too perfect so I went overboard from being perfect, I became a bully.
"Okay." I shrugged and walk past her.
"How dare you laugh at me!" She held me by the arm and pulled me to face her. I was just adjusting from her quick move when she slapped me, hard. I looked at her palm, it was red. The pain from my cheek is slowly entering my system.
I want to cry. I want to cry and slap her too!
But revenge isn't right. It will light another fire. And it won't be put away until someone puts down their pride. I will put the fire away.
"I'm sorry." Then I ran away from the crowd. I entered an empty room and cried there.
This is my karma. I became a monster from being too perfect. I bullied every person who looks weak. And now, my parents are gone, I have no money, and I'm an orphan. I don't know what to do. Maybe if I hadn't been bad...
People are always like that. Everyone judge, bullies, do bad things to someone. But how come the others are still lucky that karma hasn't gone to them?
My 'friends' are also a bully. When life gave me hardships, my so-called friends were nowhere to be found. I don't know. Maybe they were after my money, fame and brain. I thought they were real to me, but that was just what I thought.
I lived before at the province. In my province. Where we had vast and different kind of lands. Where I was made and born, where I grew up and where I experienced things. Then I went here in the city to find my aunt and to live with her family. As a maid.
I am so guilty to all the people I've hurt.
How can I stop this karma?
I woke up feeling tired. But I realized I wasn't in my aunt's house! I instantly got up and I was still inside the empty room. I saw a blanket over me, and realize that some good person had put it on me. It was already dark and I don't want to go to work today nor go home.
I'm feeling very blue.
"Are you okay?"
I nearly shouted because of the voice! Who was that?
"W-who are you? W-where are you?"
"You know, you don't need to be too perfect or to be too imperfect. Just the average can do. You are a nice person, Shine. Even before you became someone whom you are not."
I became speechless.
"I-I don't know who you are b-but how did you know my name? Are you may classmate?"
I heard him sigh. "I don't know if you'll remember me but, hey, we're childhood friends."
My forehead creased. "Childhood friend?" My eyes widened when I remembered someone! My childhood friends... and maybe, the one here is... "Kris!?"
"You got me." He laughed.
"What are you doing here?" I tried finding him through the dark. The only light was from the moon through the window but he's not there so I can't see him!
"I've been living in this city for quite a while. And I saw what happened earlier."
"O-oh... that." I hugged my knees.
"Are you fine now? I took care of you for the past 5 hours. So, I hope you're cheek feels fine."
"W-what? W-Why...?"
"Because we're friends?"
"H-How about your class?"
"I still cut class."
I smirked and shook my head. "You never changed..."
"Yeah. But you did."
I smiled sadly. "Yeah..."
"You know, why don't you try to be yourself. The Sharlaine I knew before? Before highschool... I've been watching you from afar. Back at the province, you were trying to be so perfect, you forgot that being yourself is already perfect. While here you are, you're trying to be some kind of a weird girl, trying to be the exact opposite of the perfect Shine."
I didn't say anything. His words shot daggers to my heart.
A tear fell from my eyes. Then, I cried so hard.
"I'm sorry to say this but you are not who you are if you're trying to be someone who isn't you."
I heard food steps coming towards me, I immediately tried to find him and... Finally, after many years. I saw him again.
He was one of my childhood friends. When I stopped home-schooling and started going to highschool and gained new friends, who are rich and perfectionists, I pushed Kris and the others away.
But Kris was always there for me, he stayed, even though I always push him away and then the news came that his family moved to the city. I tried so hard not to mind that, but it made a very big impact on me. Without him being there for me, I became a monster.
"Kris, I'm sorry... I—" I couldn't finish what I was about to say because I cried so hard that I can't speak already. My heart is in so much pain right now.
He's right. He is so right! I tried to be someone because that was everyone liked. I tried to be someone again because I didn't want to look perfect!
I didn't want to be embarrassed because of the past I had. But here I am, being so guilty and embarrass because I am a wanna be. A trying hard bitch.
I am a completely different person! I didn't want to be like this. The society pushed me to be like this.
I exhaled and opened my eyes. I met his eyes and smiled despite the tears. "Kris... thank you..." I hugged him tight and cried more.
I would be myself again. I'm tired of this get up.
This will be a hard process but I would like to see the outcome... I will be myself.
