//hate to feel//

//12//

Well, being sober wasn't as bad as Jerry anticipated. He was just happy to see Layne smile, he had come out of his shell so much since they first met.

He watched his boyfriend start randomly cheering, and Jerry rolled his eyes. The band hadn't even started playing and Layne was already shitfaced, as well as Sean.

"So, this is fun!" Mike yelled, nudging Jerry a little too roughly.

Jerry quirked and eyebrow, "you drunk?"

"Nah man I don't want Sean to get out of hand. He'll get himself arrested."

"I thought that's why you all wanted me sober?" Jerry retorted.

"Well I realized you won't be able to handle him, he's fucking insane."

"You don't put enough faith in me." Jerry countered playfully.

Mike grinned, "course I do. That's why I support you and Layne so much."

Jerry looked over at his boyfriend, grinning like an idiot when he saw him dancing a little too aggressively with Sean.

"Do you love him?" Mike randomly asked, and Jerry's heart jolted. Love? He hadn't really thought of it. Yeah he cared about Layne and the sex was good and he made him laugh and he constantly thought about him, but did he love him?

"I-uh..."

"You don't have to say anything." Mike gave him a big smile, "your face tells it all."

Jerry blushed and looked away. "I don't really know though..."

"Yeah you do, you're just overthinking it." The bassist mused, and Jerry frowned a little. Was he?

"JUNK, FUCK!" Sean suddenly screamed, and then Layne began to sing.

"Yeahhhh!"

Mike looked over at the two, "what is that?"

Sean shrugged. "I'm drunk how should I know?"

"Well don't forget it, it sounds good." Mike replied before turning back to Jerry, "you play guitar right?"

Jerry nodded.

"Well you should play with us. Layne's got pipes but he fucking sucks at guitar."

Jerry chuckled, "I don't think I've ever actually heard him sing."

"It'll fucking bring tears to your eyes dude."

He smiled, "I believe it."

As the night progressed, the club got wilder and wilder. There were bar fights and people moshpitting. Girls were whoring themselves around and tried rubbing up on Jerry, but he shrugged them off, obviously not interested. He kept his arms around Layne and made out with him when anyone else would try to go near them, and Layne loved every second of it.

"I'm gonna go get a drink!" Jerry shouted towards his boyfriend, who gave him a thumbs up and started pestering Sean.

Jerry leaned against the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice his existence, but she didn't.

"Hey sexy." A female voice purred from beside him. He turned, already annoyed.

"Can I help you?" The girl giggled and leaned up against the bar, trying to push her clevage out as far as she could. Jerry cringed.

"What's a guy like you doing alone?" She bit her lip.

He rolled his eyes, "I'm not alone."

She made a pouty face and looked up at him seductively, "who are you with?"

"My boyfriend, now fuck off." Before she could respond he started walking back towards Mike.

"Where the fuck is my beer?" Sean asked, sounding offended.

"I almost got raped and I didn't wanna deal with it." Sean rolled his eyes, obviously not satisfied with the answer.

"Well when she leaves can you actually get us something?"

Jerry sighed, "yeah yeah, what do you want?"

"ANYTHING WITH ALCOHOL!" Sean boomed.

"Okay and what does Layne want?"

The drummer looked around, "I dunno, haven't seen him."

A pang of fear struck Jerry's chest, "you haven't?"

"Nah wasn't he with you?"

Jerry didn't hear Sean, he was already running toward the bathroom. He knew exactly why Layne was there.

Jerry pushed into the small room, tears already blurring his vision. He glanced over the three stalls and ran a hand through his hair.

"LAYNE!" He cried, pushing against each door hurriedly, "BABY WHERE ARE YOU?"

When he shoved the second stall door open, his eyes met the syringe that was buried deep in Layne's arm.