APRIL 17, 2017 - MORTEM
It all started when I decided to take a train instead of a jeepney so that I could spare myself from the heat. There were fewer passengers riding in the train today. I figured that every Sunday, it was not as crowded as it was every weekday. I still stood in front of the train’s door even though there were seats that I could sit on. I let out a heavy sigh, just like how heavy the burden in my heart is.
“The doors are now closing! The doors are now closing!” The train operator declared. The doors grated on the metals which made a small squeaking noise while it slowly closed.
The anxiety curled into my stomach. My hands made fists to feel that my palms have moistened. It was as if there was a river pooling in between my fingers. My heart was a jackhammer that seemed to rattle within my ribcage. I felt my nerve tingling like it was being tickled by a feather. Blood rushed in my ears and my pulse skyrocketed. I looked out through the semi-filthy glass window and saw how beautiful the world is. The scene was fast and blurred but it was enough for me to take a slight glimpse on the fascinating world.
“If only people didn’t tarnish our world,” I whispered to myself. I stared at the sky and saw how familiar it is. It looked exactly the same as how it was six years ago. Only the vulnerability of my heart changed, together with the length of my hair. I remembered how much I loved writing poems and stories. With the people in my life as the focus of my poems, I made tons of them that I lost count already. Whenever I had a paper in my hand, I would write lines and combine them when I get home. The last poem that I wrote didn’t have the same focus like my usual poems. My last poem’s limelight was me.
Where flowers bloom,
Is where flowers die.
With your golden loom,
You made me say good-bye.
“5th Avenue station! 5th Avenue station!” Once again, the train operator announced. I went back to my normal mental state. A few people started to gather and the spaces a while ago were decreased. I moved aside to give some space to the elderly woman who is trying to reach the hand rail. Glancing towards the side, I noticed a middle aged man on the chair. As much as I wanted to scowl at the man to give the seat to the old woman, I would like to avoid trouble as much as possible.
“The doors are now closing! The doors are now-“
“Excuse me, sorry!” A guy rushing in softly apologized to everyone he pushed and bumped. He was almost dripping of sweat but his face looks naturally refreshing. I continued eyeing his features that I didn’t realize he was standing right next to me. The guy’s face was so close to me that I could barely avoid staring at him. He looked like a model. The rays of sun highlighted his chestnut brown hair, complemented by his slightly tan brown skin. His eyes were sensuous and radiant like pure diamond which captured every nerve in my mind. His body was firmly built like a knight waiting to rescue me in his strong arms.His cheeks were chiseled like a finely carved Michelangelo statue. His nose was perfectly symmetrical. His lips were slightly full: the kind that ended in a cute little smirk at the corners. The only blemish he had was his stubble, but that blemish only made him look kind of sexy.
“It’s rude to stare,” The guy suddenly said, chuckling a bit. There was a slight echo in his deep voice like he was speaking in a cave.
“I wasn’t staring at you,” Sheepishly, I smiled at him and denied. Staring wasn’t the right term. I was merely observing his godly and irresistible appearance. ‘Yeah right, merely.’ I sarcastically told my subconscious mind.
He just smiled back to me and returned to his own business. I did the same. Then, I remembered what I was supposedly going to do. The memories flashed back like a storm. It hit me like a lightning. I made up my mind.
I pressed the train’s emergency button. The door hastily opened like how fast the people gasped and moved away from the open door. But of course, that will be the first instinct: To move away from the open door since the train is still moving. I closed my eyes while I walked closer to the door. I put my right foot out the door while I held on the hand rail. The hot air of summer blew past me. I felt scared, more scared than how I felt a little while ago.
The people brought out their phones. Some used it to take a video of what’s happening right now. Suicide is a big thing to the media. These people can sell it to the T.V. stations. Some people, however, are too shocked to even talk or do something. They were shaking, just like me. I’m nervous and scared. It was as if I was diving in a sea of anxiety while I’m slowly drinking it. But then I remembered all the things that happened to me.
“Come here,” The guy from before went beside me and persuaded me.
“I’m hopeless so don’t waste your time just to save me,” I shook my head in return then I closed my eyes. Before I could even jump, he stood closer to me.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not saving your life. I’m just going to make you realize how silly you are being. Look at me,” He said while showing his arms. It was full of cuts and bruises. He smiled and said again, “I’ve been there and now I’m here.” Then I felt something soft on my lips. He kissed me. He hastily planted a kiss on my lips. I jolted up and opened my eyes. I was too shocked. My stomach curled up. But then, I fell; just before I jumped.
