Waiting for Tomorrow

Chapter nine: Julianna.

February 9, 2021.

Two weeks had passed. Classes were the same as usual. Today, in chem, we had a quiz, French we learned some new conjugations, social studies we took notes and did a worksheet, geometry we had a sub and ended up doing quiet work, English we took notes and watched a video, and at this point, we're at P.E.

On the way to the locker room, I stopped by my locker to put my books back, then headed down to the gym wing. I headed to my gym locker and changed. I put on the shorts and threw the shirt over my head and headed to the gym. I realized we have a sub. Hopefully she'd be like our actual teacher, who's super sweet and lets us pick teams for sports that use them.

The sub, Ms. Warner, had us run for warmup and then we stretched. Our teacher apparently took off really early this morning and didn't leave a lesson plan, so Ms. Warner was left to do whatever she wanted. Stereotypically, she chose dodgeball.

"Alright, let's do guys against girls. Guys over there," she pointed to the far side of the gym, "and girls over here."

I wasn't too reluctant to head with the guys to the far side since Asher was my only friend in the class and I got to stick with him. She had some volunteers set up the dodgeballs on the center line. Everyone lined up on the back wall of their side.

"Ready, set, go!" The sub called. Most of the people on my side went for the balls and immediately started playing. I was very hesitant about playing because I've never liked aggressive sports. I did gymnastics when I was younger but quit when I was around ten because I hated how fast I was gaining muscle, and I was starting to get a bit tired of the sport anyway. Asher noticed my pause.

"You don't like dodgeball?" He asked.

"Not really," I said.

"Oh. Well, good luck then," he said, before grabbing a ball off the ground that had landed near us. He threw it back to the other side, getting someone out.

While everyone on my side participated, I awkwardly stood near the wall, watching the game. It was entertaining to watch the girls tease the boys and vice versa, all trying to get each other out. I felt someone looking at me. I looked at Ms. Warner. She was staring at me.

"Whatever your name is, get out there and join the game! You aren't a girl; you don't get to sit on the sidelines!" She barked. Several of the girls that were really into the game shouted back at her, insulted.

But I am a girl.

 My mind began to spiral. Tears threatened to spill, and I felt my heart beat faster. No. I had gone nearly a month without a panic attack, and of course my streak breaks in the middle of the school day. This is not happening here. I ran out of there as fast as I could and headed into the locker room. I sat down and curled into a ball, with my back against my locker. I used the 54321 method to start grounding myself. A minute later, I heard footsteps.

"Hey, are you okay?" Asher asked.

I looked up.

"Why are you here?" I asked, probably a bit harshly, which I didn't mean to.

"Ms. Warner can't come in here, so she sent me in because she's seen us talking almost the whole class," he explained.

I wiped my eyes. He sat next to me. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I'm okay."

"Well, I guess we probably got out of the rest of that class, at least," he said.

I nodded my head. Since there was no one else in here, I took off my beanie and unbraided my hair. I started braiding small parts of it. I do that when I'm nervous and with people that actually know about my hair.