psyche

two

Dean found sanctuary in her car, her trusty pipe decorated with green helping to calm her spirit. As she smoked she couldn't help but be nostalgic. The pipe and the first memory of smoking weed belonging to her best friend Monica.

Monica was always the one to push for new things and experiences. She carried the role of adventurer very well and Dean loved every moment of it, as they were never dull. The loss of her leader tore through her like a bolt of lightning striking a tree. Kill, she would kill to bring it all back. Oh how she would cherish it all!

As Dean could not bring Monica back from the dead, her next best option was to surround herself with the fallen girl's likes. Her vision cloudy due to the smoke almost fumigating the car, she gripped her phone as she scrolled through her playlists. Within seconds Monica's playlist of soulful heartbreak songs deeper through her car speakers. She closed her eyes and desperately tried to fill her own soul with the presence of her beloved Monica.

When Dean's alarm indicating lunch began to sound she began to laugh as she realized how silly she must have looked screaming song lyrics in the student parking lot. Her shallow laughs soon turned to gentle sobs as the emptiness settled into its rightful place in the pit of her stomach.

She allowed mere moments of this before regaining her strength to pull herself together. Typical of her archetype, she understood the importance of lunch and valued it greatly. Lunch being the most important thirty minutes of the day; the time where all gossip and news were to be exchanged; Where social hierarchy was to be fully enforced; where everyone waited to see how the most popular girl in school was holding up after her best friend was ripped from her in a tragic accident.

Eye drops and perfume were used to at least attempt to cover up her recent activities, her means of coping with the horrid life she also tried to cover up. As expected she held the attention of most of those as she entered the cafeteria and she used this to boost her ever dying self esteem. She grabbed a bottle of water from the vending machine and quickly took her place at a secluded table with Jesse at the back of the cafeteria. Not wanting him to pick up on her weakened state she kissed him and divulged in small talk for what felt like hours. From the viewpoint of the other's watching her closely in the cafeteria it looked good, but from the viewpoint of Dean, it felt like Hell.

Beau stood there silently before walking off to her next class. She was late as expected, since she didn't have any help from the girl crowned her first friend. As the second lector of the day dawned on she felt a sudden wave of sadness pass through her. Thinking about her old school, old house, even her old friends. She left everything behind for her father's new job. He had done so much for her so she did not have the right to complain about the sudden change in scenery. No matter how much disparity it brought to her.

It was difficult to pay attention but she found a way. Alex, luckily, was in the same class so she helped her with directions to the rest of her classes. Beau, though always seen as a source of light and positivity, began to notice the theme of pessimism associated with her first day of attending this school.

Saved by the lunch bell, Beau walked to the lunch from alone. She couldn't help but wallow in her sadness, the smile that highlighted her face earlier that morning was nowhere to be found. Her face was blank and expressionless, as she was voiceless, but her eyes spoke for her. This was made clear as her peers avoided her eye contact as if the possibility was the plague.

Reaching into her bag she grabbed her wallet and took out the small amount of money she had left. Guilt filled her already wounded heart as she remembered the pained expression that adorned her father's face as he gave her that money, the money he couldn't afford.

Walking over to the lunch line she bought herself a slice of pizza and a coke, taking a seat alone at an empty table. Her eyes were preparing to flood with angry tears when she noticed a frantic wave from the corner of her eye. She recognized the girl as her second acquaintance, Alex, the one who'd approached her. This gave her courage and before she let doubt take over she stood up and walked over to the table where Alex and her small group of friends enjoyed their lunch. She saw a girl waving at her and gesturing for her to sit at her table. It was that same Alex girl from before. She hesitantly stood up and walked over to them. Alex introduced all of her friends to Beau. She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. Shy once again but happy.

Dean scanned the room and played a game her and Monica used to play their freshman year when they were less known and able to get away with it. They'd look around and choose people they'd rather be and explain their choice. The reasoning could be something simple as you like their outfit or admired their academic record.

Most of the time though, it was for their notoriety. Dean admired the girls who had the courage to hold their heads high after a school scandal or misfortune. Where as some girls crumbled, these girls used their infamy for good use. Sydney who had her intimate photos leaked by her distrustful boyfriend; used her the light shown on her to argue the sexual freedom of women. Isa, who was widely known for coming from an impoverished home, encouraged us to be more appreciative of the things we possess.

Dean loved them so much, turning to actually become one of them. Everyone wanted to hear the story of the girl who lost her best friend in a fatal accident.

The game was silly but it gave them hope and passed time. Today, she'd rather be anyone else other than herself. She caught the eye of the new girl from the morning and noticed that she had already made a friend, a genuine one. Something about the connection they seemed to share enraged Dean . Telling Jesse she'd be back, she quickly got up and sauntered over to the table where the two girls happily engaged in conversation.

She sat down at the table despite not being invited and interjected herself into the conversation. "what lame summer camp stories are we sharing today", her voice thickened with bitterness as she picked a fry from the unfamiliar girls tray and nonchalantly placed it in her mouth. Dean looked Alex in the eyes as she did so, daring her to rebuttal.

Alex slid her tray away from Dean and rolled her eyes. Beau got quiet, recoiling with embarrassment. Alex noticed this and whispered to the other "don't worry about her, she's done stuff like this before...". After hearing this Beau kept her head down and ate her food quietly. A few tense moments of her silence gave her time to regain her conviction as she and turned to Dean. "Hey, I remember you from this morning... it's nice to see you again" she spoke firmly, projecting her voice to seem bigger than she felt.

Dean resisted the overwhelming urge to reach across the table and slam Alex's face into the slice of cake in front of her. If it were not for Beau she would never waste a precious second of her life on the bitter girl. She directed her attention to Beau and gave her the most malicious smile she could muster. "Oh, the pleasure's all mine. Seems as if you've tumbled a long way from the top" Dean teased referring to her new friend Alex. The glint in her eye a giveaway of her unfriendliness.

Beau looked away, her conviction muted by her feeling of rejection  "well to be fair you literally... pushed me away earlier so... I don't know," she looked up at Alex to try to get some kind of guide on what to say, hoping for some sign or reassurance. Alex just shook her head disappointed by the entire interaction.

"I still want to be your friend though, I want to be everyone's friend" Beau managed to say as she meekly looked back at Dean. She smiled shyly as she looked back down at her plate trying to ignore the heat that blazed her anxiety ridden body.

Dean looked over at Jesse from across the room confirming that he was still lost in sports talk before answering, coming up with a devious plan. She smiled once more at Beau, this one a softer one and stood up, looking down at the timid girl, she held out her hand. "Come with me babe. I owe you a tour"