A Downward Spiral

9

What if she doesnt love you? What if you're just another one of her toys to play around with for a while then toss in the trash once you're broken? Shes showed that's how it might be. She finds joy in playing with your emotions and making you upset. She knows what upsets you. She uses it against you. Makes you upset about something then gets angry because your upset. Knocks you down to your knees and forces you to apologize. She helps you up a little sure. But she only does it to knock you back down. That's her daily fun.
   You're unsure if you can keep it up. She makes sure that you always feel everything is your fault. Just another way she knocks you down. You cant tell her. You're in the cycle of wanting her for the rest of your life while she just toys with you. A game of cat and mouse.
   You're anxiety always goes up as it always tells you that your the one in the wrong. It's your fault that things are the way they are. It's your fault that you have issues. It's your fault that no one can help you. You're just gonna be stuck in this pit. No one actually wants to pull you out of it. They just wanna laugh because your at the bottom.
    You wonder what your life would be like if she wasnt there. Maybe you would be healthier. Maybe you would be a little more stable. Maybe you wouldnt have the problems you do. Maybe you wouldnt feel like crying yourself to sleep every night and praying that something changes and she is as good as she presented herself from the start.
   And with anxiety comes your overthinking. Your 5 hours apart. You've gotta trust her because nothing works without trust. But in today's society what people do behind closed doors is always public and no one feels like they are wrong for their actions. You'll always feel like your in the wrong.
   You try and sleep but that's a thing of the past. Things didnt used to be like this. Not from the start. Maybe it's too much stress. Maybe it should be cut off for a little bit. Maybe it would get better. But what if it got worse. You dont want it to. So you stay on the same path you're on. Dragging your feet trying to keep yourself from diving off the cliff at the end, but it becomes more and more likely that you will.
    You give way and take a full head of steam at the cliff. You throw yourself over the edge and into the canyon below. It's a long fall. But it's enough time to finally relax as the end gets closer. You see the bottom coming fast. You close your eyes and smile. Peace at last. It's almost instant when you hit. Finally you are at peace and can finally cease to exsist........