Sexy Sadie

Part 15

A new day had dawned and I awoke with a debilitating headache. It felt like the room was vibrating and my insides felt like curdled mush.

Man, hangovers suck.

I thought to myself as I rolled to my right side. The turning motion makes me nauseous so I stay as still as possible until the feeling passes.

While I lay in misery I notice the empty space beside me and wonder where George has gone so early in the morning. I smile at the thought of him and remember the intense love we made the previous night that I still felt the remnants of deep within me.

After a few moments of uninterrupted bliss I suddenly remember what led up to our rendezvous.

I want to get a divorce.

The words came flooding back to my mind.

I want to start me life with you.

Wait... what?

You're the one. It's always been you.

I try my best to piece the puzzle together, then reality hits me like a truck.

He asked me to marry him last night. Holy shit.

It seemed surreal, and now that the alcohol had worn off I was able to think about it with a clearer head. My mind ran rampant and it was too much for me both emotionally and physically.

I felt the rush of nausea shoot straight up to my mouth and I doubled over to the side of the bed to throw up in the trash can. It felt awful and amazing at the same time.

In the midst of my dry heaving I heard the door unlatch.

"George?" I mumble, my voice quivering from the sick.

"Hey Sadie." He says in a rather serious tone. It's the kind of tone your dad has when he needs to talk to you about something important. My heart immediately feels heavy.

George places his key and wallet down at the table and comes to sit at the edge of the bed beside me. A delicate kiss is placed upon my head and he rubs my back gently.

"You alright?" He asks in that same terrifying tone.

"Yeah. Just got a little too sloshed last night!" I laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. His face remains stoic and unreadable. Normally he'd crack a smile at me or giggle, but he's not even looking me in the eye.

"George?" I utter, reaching my hand out to feel his cheek. He immediately flinches at my contact and I feel a sense of darkness clouding my being.

"George what's wrong? You're scaring me." I tremble, my voice falling victim to the tears that beg for freedom.

"Sadie... you know I love you, right?" He says, still staring anywhere but into my eyes.

"I love you too, George." I whisper. I feel like I know where this is going and I'm not ready for it.

"I know I said some things last night that I shouldn't have." He mutters.

"Look, we don't have to get married if that's what you're talking about." I try to assure him. "We were both drunk and acting stupid."

A thick silence casts a shadow over the room.

"Sadie I-" he begins, But his voice is halted by tears.

"I spoke to Olivia this morning."

Time seems to stand still and my anxiety gets worse. I felt as if my life was hanging in the balance.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore." He says calmly.

I don't think we should see each other anymore

His words replay in my head like a broken record. My entire world seemed to stop spinning. My guts threatened to come out of my mouth again and my heart is broken into a million little pieces as my brain tries to register what's happening.

I can't reply, my body refuses. I can only weep. George still struggles to look at me and now I know why.

"Are you... are you breaking up with me?" It sounds so silly to ask such a question since he was never even mine to begin with.

George stays silent and looks down to the floor, biting his bottom lip as his teardrops fall like rain onto his perfectly scruffed cheeks.

He doesn't have to answer me because I already know our fate. I closed my eyes to hold back my tears but also to brace myself for whatever he had to say next. I felt completely and utterly numb.

"I just can't do it, Sadie. I can't throw me whole life away for-"

"For the teenybopper next door?" I cut him off.

"Sadie it's not like that..." he sighs.

I suddenly felt very empty. It's as if all of the life within me drained out onto the shag carpet of our hotel room. I could no longer breathe, or speak. I slowly got up from the bed and stumbled over to the corner of the room where my purse was sitting.

"Sadie, where are you going?" George asks, following me to the other side of the room. He places his hand on my shoulder and that's what makes me lose it. Suddenly all of the emotions catch up to me and I'm in complete shambles.

"I'm leaving, George. That's what you want, right?" I stared at my bag of belongings, trying to ignore all of the haphazard thoughts of my broken future. I tried not to think about all of the memories we'd never get to make together, and all of the dreams I had with him that would never come to fruition.

"No, Sadie please stay in this room. I'm the one who should leave. You don't know New York, I don't want you out there alone!"  He says, holding me firmly by the shoulders.

"I'll figure something out." I use what little strength I have to throw his hands off of me and get up to walk towards the door.

"Sadie, calm down, okay? We can talk about where to go from here and-"

"I don't want to hear anything else you have to say, okay? Just admit that I'm just another one of your pretty little toys that gets thrown out once you've had your fill! You don't love me! You never did!" I fall to the floor sobbing, unable to catch my breath through my hyperventilation. George joins me on the floor and begins to cry quietly.

"Sadie everything I feel for you is real! You aren't just another girl to me, I think I've made that very clear! I just... I can't do this to me family anymore."

"This is so easy for you, George. You get to go back home to your loving wife and son, but what do I get? I get to spend the rest of my life torn apart and alone. I gave you my virginity, I gave you my heart... You'll get over me, but I'll never get over you." I sob, lifting myself up to stand again.

"None of this is easy for me, Sadie! You know that! I wish more than anything that we could be together but we just can't!" He cries.

I couldn't take anymore of his explanations. The grief was eating me alive and I had to get out of that room, out of his sight.

I ignore his pleas to stay and rush out into the hallway, slamming the door and leaving my life with him behind.

I run into the elevator doors and press the button violently, letting the tears pour out of my deeply swollen eyes as I felt my panic attack intensify.

The doors finally open but I trip and fall to the ground, dropping my purse and everything in it.

As if this could get any fucking worse

I grunt in anger and quickly gather my things, then a small white business card conveniently catches my eye.

John Lennon.