Until Tomorrow

You

It hurt me.
When we met I was wearing sweats.
You were so nice and said I was cute. You said my eyes were insane but you liked that.
We talked through messages off and on. What seemed like months was mere weeks and I started to like you

I thought about you a lot. The tattoos on your arms and legs. Your hair that curled slightly at the ends.

You played soccer and so did a friend so I went to watch but didn't tell you. Played it off like I was just in town. I decided to wear shorts and a T-shirt.

My mistake, right?
I met up with the friend after the game
You know that of course because you stopped by to say hi.

We were playing games and you came in.
Nodded a hello to us both and sat down.
Then I noticed that slight moment

What was two seconds felt like ten.
A quick glance and it sealed everything.

I didn't tell you I had scars.
Scars on my knees
On my wrist
On my sides and my hip
Scars on my hand.

I didn't need to because I knew in the fleeting moments you were there you noticed
And it hurt.

I saw the way your eyes clicked how mentally you shut off and locked me out.
You stood and mumbled a farewell. I tried to ignore the obvious. I messaged you. No reply.
The next day again. Left on read.
It hurts

You'll never know my pain and unease. You're flawless on the outside while my canvas is damaged.
You judged me off one glance, decided our story was done.
I didn't love you, I hardly knew you.

But. It. Hurt.
My chest tightens at the thought
Because the looks I saw was one I've seen so many times before. The one that tells me feels inside I have no future romance.

Novels and movies lie in the way of love. Beauty would've never loved the Beast. Quasimodo would've stayed alone. People like to pretend and spite false hopes but that's what hurts the most.

I grasp at optimistic thoughts and quotes. I tell people that I love the scars because they show the battle I went through and how I've grown when inside I hate them with every fiber of my body.

I try so hard. I try over and over yet I am pushed away by people like you. So why is it I still try when it hurts so bad.

-M.A.