Half a man

6- Los Angeles

Tom was walking across the airport next to Harrison. It was Christmas holidays and the place was crowded. He was jet lagged and cold. He was keeping his head low, silently cursing himself for thinking wearing a pink hoodie would be a good idea. It was flashing like a damn Christmas light amongst all the black, grey and brown coats.

He glanced at his friend who was complaining about the tourists. As if this wasn't the first time they saw each other in 6 months...

When Lizzie had talked about that women in LA that she wanted him to meet, Tom only saw an excuse to leave. Get away from London, get away from them so they could resume their normal life without the burden of his disability.

So he went to Los Angeles and met her, Julia. She used to be a stuntman until she lost her arm in an accident. Well not exactly, she was paralyzed up to her shoulder and decided to have her arm removed because it wasn't of any use to her anymore. Lizzie probably thought they had a lot in common. Tom wasn't sure they did.

She was a married with a kid. Her accident was not due to her being reckless, it was entirely someone else's fault. And the amputation wasn't imposed to her, she chose it. Not that it make easier. Actually her accident itself was a lot worse than Tom's and so were her injuries. She had to have a neurostimulator implanted in her body to manage the constant excruciating pain.

So no, on many aspects, Tom didn't felt like they were struggling the same fight apart from the fact they both lack an arm. Still, he stayed in California. He rented a nice flat with a view on the ocean and stopped answering his phone. To be sure he wouldn't find someone ringing at his door he made a deal with his Mum. He would send her a daily text just to let her know he was alive and well, but nothing more. Somehow she understood...

Slowly, everyone else stopped sending him messages or calling him. Even Lizzie. They all went back to their life and probably forgot about him a little. Which was exactly what Tom wanted. It took away part of guilt. It also made him feel lonely...

In the meantime, Julia introduced him to her physical trainer. The gym had been Tom's second home for so long that his body remembered quickly how to work out. Once he managed to find his new balance, he found himself back in the game. He would spend hours in the rehabilitation centre. At least this was giving him a purpose. He realised that working out helped with the pain too. When his whole body was aching from a too intense session, he wouldn't feel the phantom pain.

Going to the gym didn't magically gave him back his cheerfulness and appetite for life. It just made him look more like the man he used to be as he got back into shape and gain some weight and muscles. It also improved his mood a little, but he still had bad days. Days where he thought about giving up. Days where he just didn't thought at all.

On those days, he would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes he would soothe himself with the mirror door of his closet, allowing the reflection of his limb to reduce the pain. Sometimes, he would miss Lizzie forcing him to get up and take a shower. And this was usually what he ended up doing.

Lizzie...

Another thing that Julia helped Tom with was to open up to the little things that were good to him. To stop focusing on the pain, the stare, the pity. Now he remembered all the times Lizzie smiled at him, or looked at him proudly, or squeezed his left shoulder. He remembered how it had felt when she kissed him...

Tom was nervous to see her after all this time. He knew she would be at his Mum's when he'd get there. In the plane, he even realised he hoped she would. He wasn't near ready to get involved in a relationship yet, and she might not even be interested anymore since he acted like a jerk with her.

But there was this warmth that was spreading in his chest every time he thought about her. That was the closest thing he had to a feeling since the accident, and he learned to cherish it and take his energy from it.

Harrison was still talking about random things as he drove to the Holland's. About this job he just got himself, about that girl he met. Listening to his friend's happy babble was nice. Tom and him had started talking again the week before Tom flew back to London.

It was Haz who texted him first. Tom was so unused to hear the ringtone of his phone that he had wondered what it was. He almost didn't read it, but it happened on a good day and his curiosity was picked.

"Hello mate, I don't know if you'll read this but I just got casted for a second role in a Tim Burton movie and I wanted to tell you. I own you a lot for that and I'm forever grateful. Take care of yourself. Love you "

Tom had smiled for a while after reading it and he ended up answering. He was already thinking about coming home for Christmas at the time and his friend became the first person to know about it. He immediately proposed to pick him up at the airport and Tom figured it would be a good idea. It would probably had been more teary with his parents or brothers.

And here they were now, chatting on the way home. Tom appreciated the fact that his best mate never asked about LA. Tom knew he would have to give them all some explanations, but he'd rather say it once and for all when they would all be gathered at his parents'.

Harrison dropped him at his flat so he could take a shower and change after his long travel. Him saying that seemed to amazed Haz but he didn't say anything about it. His face was priceless when Tom came out of his bedroom in fitting jeans, creamy jumper and leather jacket. It felt nice!

His pain was manageable, he was a little tired but his mood was fairly good. This was a good day. Hopefully about to get better!